Fickle
I have been sharing my feelings for people freely in recent months, and I have learnt that it is very hard to do that with members of the opposite sex without them feeling totally led on. I am either too loving of too many people, or I am a user that plays people and is fickle. I would like to think that I am neither, but in the past year I have been called a plethora of strange attributes that I don't attach to my own image personally. Aren't we supposed to be our own worst critic?
~*~*~
Am I fickle? I really don't know anymore. I've been really confused the last few months. I genuinely care about people. Plural. More than one. I do have guys that are friends and nothing more, so I'm not confusing feelings here. I actually have genuine love for more than one person. One person in particular, though, so I'm not totally evil. I'm not doing anything about it with anyone in attempts to not hurt people, though. Sometimes things evolve in particular situations, however, and it is as the saying goes: actions speak louder than words. Sometimes actions are so good in the moment, but they are creepers in terms of hurting you later. "I didn't mean that," just doesn't fix things after that.
~*~*~
If people think you use the word love freely, they assume you don't know what it means and thus lose trust in your love for them personally. It is absolutely possible to love more than one person, though. Love is such a wonderful thing - there should be no hurt in sharing it freely. People get hurt by it because of expectation. They expect love to be an exclusive thing, where you can only love one person, and if you love others, you don't care about them and they are not special... but that's totally wrong. People get love for different reasons. It's not the same as someone who goes out and gives "love" to anyone who will fuck them, or anyone who will buy them presents, or make them have a better reputation, etc etc. I'm talking about genuine love. Imagine it is possible for a moment if you must only imagine. You'll find me there - perhaps the delusional one, but that is my world and I find it possible.
Being in love is, no doubt, a more exclusive thing.
~*~*~
I have a terrible painful lump in my throat, just at the back of the jaw, at the top of my throat... after a few gag reflexes I can feel it with my finger, and it feels like a hard boney thing under the flesh of my throat. Every time I swallow, it hurts like a sharp thing is stuck in there. Because my habit is nail biting, I thought it was a nail stuck at the top of my throat, but since touching it, it is too big and hard to be anything like that. Anyone ever had that? I don't want something like this right before I go away.
It's naaaaht a tumor!
Hopefully it is gone in the morning and I can feel human again. If only for a short while.
~*~*~
~*~*~
Am I fickle? I really don't know anymore. I've been really confused the last few months. I genuinely care about people. Plural. More than one. I do have guys that are friends and nothing more, so I'm not confusing feelings here. I actually have genuine love for more than one person. One person in particular, though, so I'm not totally evil. I'm not doing anything about it with anyone in attempts to not hurt people, though. Sometimes things evolve in particular situations, however, and it is as the saying goes: actions speak louder than words. Sometimes actions are so good in the moment, but they are creepers in terms of hurting you later. "I didn't mean that," just doesn't fix things after that.
~*~*~
If people think you use the word love freely, they assume you don't know what it means and thus lose trust in your love for them personally. It is absolutely possible to love more than one person, though. Love is such a wonderful thing - there should be no hurt in sharing it freely. People get hurt by it because of expectation. They expect love to be an exclusive thing, where you can only love one person, and if you love others, you don't care about them and they are not special... but that's totally wrong. People get love for different reasons. It's not the same as someone who goes out and gives "love" to anyone who will fuck them, or anyone who will buy them presents, or make them have a better reputation, etc etc. I'm talking about genuine love. Imagine it is possible for a moment if you must only imagine. You'll find me there - perhaps the delusional one, but that is my world and I find it possible.
Being in love is, no doubt, a more exclusive thing.
~*~*~
I have a terrible painful lump in my throat, just at the back of the jaw, at the top of my throat... after a few gag reflexes I can feel it with my finger, and it feels like a hard boney thing under the flesh of my throat. Every time I swallow, it hurts like a sharp thing is stuck in there. Because my habit is nail biting, I thought it was a nail stuck at the top of my throat, but since touching it, it is too big and hard to be anything like that. Anyone ever had that? I don't want something like this right before I go away.
It's naaaaht a tumor!
Hopefully it is gone in the morning and I can feel human again. If only for a short while.
~*~*~