Wishing...
I find myself wishing for things more and more and more each day. I wish I had done something, or wish I hadn't done something. I wish I had found the right words to say, or wish I never had said certain words at all. I wish I could be something else, or wish I was not something else. It's crazy I guess. It's just that pain of looking at myself every single day and wishing I was a better person who was more in tune w/ myself. Faith is slowly but assuringly starting to help me out some; I want to be more faithful and less sinful and just live my life right...and follow my dreams. ~sigh~
~*~*~
I feel like I've had nothing but the jitters over things and people lately. I can't really mention the center of those jitters...
~*~*~
Ick! That word desribes it all for me right about now.
I don't really know...I just feel icky in general I guess. I have the feeling I get after squashing a bug: satisfied yet sad. I kind of feel like listening to music or taking a long walk...but I also kind of feel like crying. Being a teenager is screwy, ain't it?
~*~*~
Everybody holds some magic and beauty in this world...it's just hard to find it...or to care enough to bother w/ it, and take it too its full potential...
~*~*~
It's really hard to say goodbye to some things in my life...or to forget things. But I'm trying hard to learn...I am! There are things in my past that I cling so hard to without even knowing it. I still do many bad things, and it's rough =/
~*~*~
I feel guilty of so many different things! AH! I'm trying to put myself in the mind set of always doing the right thing if possible. But the more I reflect on past and recent mistakes or wrong doings, the more guilt I feel. My mind and heart must just be out in the fields lying down lifelessly...trying to find my body. Perhaps the things I speak of are of no use to anyone, but that's fine.
~*~*~
Everyone, especially parents and some friends or other adults, are so set in their ways; they almost preach about why they are right and you are wrong; it's so thickheaded of them. I mean, I have my own opinions and ideas, but I'm still open-minded. I'm just sick of hearing people talk on and on about why they think this or why they believe that without being willing to hear thoughts about it from others or without taking a closer look at their own thoughts/beliefs. Maybe it's simply that many people are stubborn and selfish...or maybe it's the fear of finding out something that may alter how they think or what they believe...or maybe something else. I'm not sure. It just bothers me how people can sit there and do something as seemingly small (to some) as calling someone a fucking whore bitch and not truly care about how it will make the other person feel. It's irritating and disgusting and further shows how poor and misguided our society is. I wanna make a difference in all of this somehow, but feel trapped; I feel like I can't. Plus, it doesn't help that depression has been slowly edging it's merry little way back into my life, cutting me like a knife when it chooses to. I just wish the world would stop so-called knowing that they are right and pay attention and listen to others for once...
~*~*~
~Never speak a word again. I will crawl away for good.~ Nirvana
~*~*~
I guess I had better get on the subject of thought now, huh? My guard is down; plain and simple. (but of course I must complicate it all!) In a way, having my guard down is a new experience and is doing me good. It's making me less defensive, more open, and helping me to understand myself as a human being. But at the same time...it's left me...well...a little too open. I feel so vulnerable to others and myself. I sort of enjoy it...but at the same time, it makes me afraid and brings me a little sadness. Ha, I am a real card, aren't I? In all seriousness, I feel that my guard being down leaves me ready, but vulnerable to whatever life decides to deal to me. Or maybe the openness makes me realize how badly I yearn for some things like affection and love and kindess. I guess I better keep my guard down if I ever want such honest, wonderful things to come to me...no matter how stripped and cold and defenseless and helpless it makes me feel at first...
~*~*~
Some Quizzes:
Guys Like That You're Fun
You're the type of girl guys brag about knowing
That's because you're cool, funny, and laid back
You're smart enough to know how to be one of the guys
But flirty enough to know how to make them all want you
What Do Guys Like About You?
Your Element is Fire
Your power color: red
Your energy: hot
Your season: spring
Like a fire, you are full of power and light.
A born leader, you easily draw people toward you.
You are full of courage and usually up for anything dangerous.
You have a huge ego and love to be the center of attention.
What Element Are You?
Men See You As Desirable
Men often find you immediately attractive and sensual
You're honesty is refreshingly beautiful ... it draws guys in
You are also able to be open with your feelings with no emotional baggage
Packing light means you enjoy new relationships easily
How Do Men See You?
You Are Practically Plastic
You're so beautiful that it's almost unreal
Unfortunately, you're attitude's a little unreal too
Everyone knows you're super hot - no need to remind them
You've got it going on, so stop obsessing!
Are You Obsessed With Your Looks?
~*~*~
I feel like I've had nothing but the jitters over things and people lately. I can't really mention the center of those jitters...
~*~*~
Ick! That word desribes it all for me right about now.
I don't really know...I just feel icky in general I guess. I have the feeling I get after squashing a bug: satisfied yet sad. I kind of feel like listening to music or taking a long walk...but I also kind of feel like crying. Being a teenager is screwy, ain't it?
~*~*~
Everybody holds some magic and beauty in this world...it's just hard to find it...or to care enough to bother w/ it, and take it too its full potential...
~*~*~
It's really hard to say goodbye to some things in my life...or to forget things. But I'm trying hard to learn...I am! There are things in my past that I cling so hard to without even knowing it. I still do many bad things, and it's rough =/
~*~*~
I feel guilty of so many different things! AH! I'm trying to put myself in the mind set of always doing the right thing if possible. But the more I reflect on past and recent mistakes or wrong doings, the more guilt I feel. My mind and heart must just be out in the fields lying down lifelessly...trying to find my body. Perhaps the things I speak of are of no use to anyone, but that's fine.
~*~*~
Everyone, especially parents and some friends or other adults, are so set in their ways; they almost preach about why they are right and you are wrong; it's so thickheaded of them. I mean, I have my own opinions and ideas, but I'm still open-minded. I'm just sick of hearing people talk on and on about why they think this or why they believe that without being willing to hear thoughts about it from others or without taking a closer look at their own thoughts/beliefs. Maybe it's simply that many people are stubborn and selfish...or maybe it's the fear of finding out something that may alter how they think or what they believe...or maybe something else. I'm not sure. It just bothers me how people can sit there and do something as seemingly small (to some) as calling someone a fucking whore bitch and not truly care about how it will make the other person feel. It's irritating and disgusting and further shows how poor and misguided our society is. I wanna make a difference in all of this somehow, but feel trapped; I feel like I can't. Plus, it doesn't help that depression has been slowly edging it's merry little way back into my life, cutting me like a knife when it chooses to. I just wish the world would stop so-called knowing that they are right and pay attention and listen to others for once...
~*~*~
~Never speak a word again. I will crawl away for good.~ Nirvana
~*~*~
I guess I had better get on the subject of thought now, huh? My guard is down; plain and simple. (but of course I must complicate it all!) In a way, having my guard down is a new experience and is doing me good. It's making me less defensive, more open, and helping me to understand myself as a human being. But at the same time...it's left me...well...a little too open. I feel so vulnerable to others and myself. I sort of enjoy it...but at the same time, it makes me afraid and brings me a little sadness. Ha, I am a real card, aren't I? In all seriousness, I feel that my guard being down leaves me ready, but vulnerable to whatever life decides to deal to me. Or maybe the openness makes me realize how badly I yearn for some things like affection and love and kindess. I guess I better keep my guard down if I ever want such honest, wonderful things to come to me...no matter how stripped and cold and defenseless and helpless it makes me feel at first...
~*~*~
Some Quizzes:
Guys Like That You're Fun
You're the type of girl guys brag about knowing
That's because you're cool, funny, and laid back
You're smart enough to know how to be one of the guys
But flirty enough to know how to make them all want you
What Do Guys Like About You?
Your Element is Fire
Your power color: red
Your energy: hot
Your season: spring
Like a fire, you are full of power and light.
A born leader, you easily draw people toward you.
You are full of courage and usually up for anything dangerous.
You have a huge ego and love to be the center of attention.
What Element Are You?
Men See You As Desirable
Men often find you immediately attractive and sensual
You're honesty is refreshingly beautiful ... it draws guys in
You are also able to be open with your feelings with no emotional baggage
Packing light means you enjoy new relationships easily
How Do Men See You?
You Are Practically Plastic
You're so beautiful that it's almost unreal
Unfortunately, you're attitude's a little unreal too
Everyone knows you're super hot - no need to remind them
You've got it going on, so stop obsessing!
Are You Obsessed With Your Looks?