(no subject)
i've heard them talk about each other.... i can only imagine the crap they say about me... it's kind of depressing...
i love champaign, really i do... but i cant stay here.. there are too many other places to make fresh starts. i'll never be able to get away from the people here until i'm far away. i wish gas wasnt 3.40 :(
cleaning new york is also depressing....
not really sure whats wrong with me today.
our "thing" everybody was really proud and excited about has completely failed. i hate it because i personally do not feel bad for it. i feel bad because other people will be disappointed/upset. from the beginning i only feel bad about hiding it not actually doing it. that sounds really bad, its really not. haha
i am completely unstable. there is only one constant in my life right now.. .for over a year now actually. i'm really happy. i'm lost and confused and frustrated, but at the same time i am so happy. i've never experienced that before... i'm good at letting my emotions completely take over.. if i'm sad i'm really sad, if i'm annoyed i'm really annoyed... but its not like that anymore. i'm really excited about that. i love the way we've matured, in a way a lot more than some of the other people we used to be close to... i think that's partially why we're not close anymore. also because they all trash talk each other and then are really nice in person. that's not me... if i dont like you, you know it. if i'm fake its on purpose to piss you off... sometimes i feel like i'm the only person who knows that you seriously cannot please everyone...
anyway.. i also love how we can still act like kids. its strange how teen pregnancy goes from omg you slut you got knocked up to omg your baby is so beautiful! congratulations!! haha i'm not pregnant tho, just a thought i had in class earlier when i was looking at this guys pictures of his daughter and all of us were like awwwwwwwwwww hahah i really like my class.. kinda wish it wasnt just for the summer, but maybe i'll take another pysch class. i love psychology, i wish you could actually do something without a masters degree.. :-\ oh well, i'll leave it at a hobby i guess?
training is thursday friday and saturday.. i hope it works out :)
i'm ready to go home. ... .people are so stupid it makes me laugh. but when i start to get upset about something i just remember that its not just me.. he understands too. their family is effing ridiculous and i do not feel bad saying it.
i'm actually ready to live with bob, not so much home.. but since we want our families backing us up 100% in what we do, mom and dad's it is.. :-\ i want to buy a wedding dress :) how early is too early?
ahh i'm looking forward to the future... kind of tired of right now, but that's ok..
back to work
i love champaign, really i do... but i cant stay here.. there are too many other places to make fresh starts. i'll never be able to get away from the people here until i'm far away. i wish gas wasnt 3.40 :(
cleaning new york is also depressing....
not really sure whats wrong with me today.
our "thing" everybody was really proud and excited about has completely failed. i hate it because i personally do not feel bad for it. i feel bad because other people will be disappointed/upset. from the beginning i only feel bad about hiding it not actually doing it. that sounds really bad, its really not. haha
i am completely unstable. there is only one constant in my life right now.. .for over a year now actually. i'm really happy. i'm lost and confused and frustrated, but at the same time i am so happy. i've never experienced that before... i'm good at letting my emotions completely take over.. if i'm sad i'm really sad, if i'm annoyed i'm really annoyed... but its not like that anymore. i'm really excited about that. i love the way we've matured, in a way a lot more than some of the other people we used to be close to... i think that's partially why we're not close anymore. also because they all trash talk each other and then are really nice in person. that's not me... if i dont like you, you know it. if i'm fake its on purpose to piss you off... sometimes i feel like i'm the only person who knows that you seriously cannot please everyone...
anyway.. i also love how we can still act like kids. its strange how teen pregnancy goes from omg you slut you got knocked up to omg your baby is so beautiful! congratulations!! haha i'm not pregnant tho, just a thought i had in class earlier when i was looking at this guys pictures of his daughter and all of us were like awwwwwwwwwww hahah i really like my class.. kinda wish it wasnt just for the summer, but maybe i'll take another pysch class. i love psychology, i wish you could actually do something without a masters degree.. :-\ oh well, i'll leave it at a hobby i guess?
training is thursday friday and saturday.. i hope it works out :)
i'm ready to go home. ... .people are so stupid it makes me laugh. but when i start to get upset about something i just remember that its not just me.. he understands too. their family is effing ridiculous and i do not feel bad saying it.
i'm actually ready to live with bob, not so much home.. but since we want our families backing us up 100% in what we do, mom and dad's it is.. :-\ i want to buy a wedding dress :) how early is too early?
ahh i'm looking forward to the future... kind of tired of right now, but that's ok..
back to work