(no subject)

[audbal1]

i dont know whats going on with me
i just know im freaking out
and im not being silly.
take me seriously

i cant sit still
my hands fidget
i cant read a book
im thinkinggggg
constant thoughts -
bouncing around in this head of mine.
or i find myself staring into outter space - doing soemthing ridiculous.

last weekend i went to boston with britt.
so nice.
we went there real early,8ish
and it was so different.
i barely could handle it.
i was so fidgety, its like nothing in the world could have made me happy.
made me friggen nauseous - the thought that home wasnt good enough.

i cry a lot
lately.
and i really could care less who see's me cry now.
who the efffff gives a fuck.
too much to handle.
too much to deal with.
too much to cry about
and never enough tears.

im vulnerable.
in a state i never would have put myself in.
but im here for some reason.

my grandmas dying.
my parents wont listen
my sister drives me crazy
or maybe im just driving myself crazy.
im the problem,
so they say.
and im so sick of it.