(no subject)

[audaciouslove]

i dunno what to do. this shit is taking its toll on me. all of it. i dunno who to trust. i dunno if i can trust either or one or both. so i made a decision for the 3 of us that may not be the best for me in the long run..but theres really no other way to do it right now. i dont know how one person can be a good friend to both at the same time. its impossible. because being a good friend to one of us is being a bad friend to the other. and vice versa. im confused and maybe i shouldnt have left it so final but i have no idea what else to do and my anger always gets the best of me. always. maybe i need to learn to bite my tongue or just ask for a time out, but i cant do that when it comes to them. this situation is way too emotionally charged for me to be able to do that. i have a lot of room to grow in that area.

i asked for patience and i was straight up with how it was going to be. neither parties understand and neither parties have given me patience. i dont know what the fuck they expected. i already knew that they wouldnt be able to be as patient as i needed. i dont know if im being unreasonable. i dont think so considering the circumstances. i dont think im being unreasonable or asking too much. i didnt think that i was the only one who wanted a peaceful outcome. if they truly want the same outcome that i do then i feel like they should try to support me in whatever ways they can. i dont feel like theyre doing that.

but maybe it doesnt matter anymore because i said it was all over.

and maybe i will learn to stick my foot in my mouth when im upset.