[Fanfic] It's not love; it's love.
Title: It's not love; it's love.
Pairing: Haehyuk
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU, Romance
Length: One-shot, 739 words.
Summary: A girl, a boy, some casual sex and a man - who was that boy.
I used to think that I needed love because I was an orphan. When I was in middle school, I fell in ‘love’, but for some reason - which beats me until now - we broke up. It was a healthy but an unserious boy-girl relationship. When I started high school, I went out with a male - it all started with my curiosity and I thought that homosexual relationships are really intriguing - and we had sex. That night, I realised that what I needed wasn’t love; I needed endless sensualistic experiences. We broke off a week after in conflict. He disagreed with this decision and he claimed that nothing went wrong and we shouldn’t end our love just like this.
“It wasn’t love.” I mumbled before I left.
I spent the days in between my sophomore year in high school and my third year in the university having casual sex with men. Indeed, I really thought that those were what I’d always wanted, what I’d always yearned for and what I’d always needed. Throughout the years, I’d never nurtured any exceptional feelings toward my partners. They knew it all well; we knew it all well that this game that we were playing in that point of time had this taboo called love. We loved; not emotionally, but physically. It was practically a give-and-take cycle.
My close friends used to ask me if I was happy with that kind of lifestyle, and I’d always responded them with the same words, same sentence and the same sentiment every time. I’d gladly accept any men of my likings but there were three ‘no’s in my policy. One - no touching on friends. Two - no touching on family and relatives. Three - no touching on potential men who you’ll bear feelings with.
That one night after I had sex with one of my partners I met in the pub, we chanced upon my ex-boyfriend - high school old flame - when I was walking him home. We greeted each other and my partner self-requested to leave alone. For some reason - which also beats me until now - we dropped by a café around that district and sat together, having coffee.
“New boyfriend?” It was obvious that this question was intended to be asked minutes ago but he just couldn’t however he managed to sprout that out somehow at this awkward timing.
I shook my head.
He remained silent and the both of us tried to concentrate on our beverage.
“I had sex with him.”
Even god didn’t know why I said that.
“And many other men before him.” I continued after a brief break of trying to organise my thoughts. “There are countless of them. I don’t know.”
He remained silent and gazed at me with his doe eyes but they were plain - expressionlessly.
“I realised what I needed wasn’t love.” I took a quick sip on my latte. “Or I should say, what I’ve always needed wasn’t love.”
He showed zero intention in responding.
The contents of our coffee mug became empty now. We did nothing; not intending to move, not planning to leave. After we left the café, we had sex.
-
“Hyukjae,” He slipped his right arm under and placed his left arm above my waist, his fingers intertwined with each other; he had me locked in his embrace. We were lying on the bed, our bare skin pressed against each other. A human’s warmth eases one’s heart rapidly. The assuring temperature emitted from his skin to mine, from mine to his; and the cycle repeated. He drew himself closer and buried his nose and mouth into the space between my neck and my shoulder. He licked my collarbone and spoke again. “I realised what I needed wasn’t love too.” His constant exhales and inhales were exceptionally audible to me. “What I needed was you, or rather, it is you.”
I grabbed his hands and had his left hand’s fingers intertwined with mine instead.
“Donghae,” I paused for a second and a half. I was too tired to speak. “It’s cold; hold me tight.”
We fell back into silence after that. And we made love again. Twice; we did two times more but why wasn’t I getting tired of it? Oh, did I just mention love… earlier?
Policy number three - no touching on potential men who you’ll bear feelings with. Donghae wasn’t who I will bear feelings with, he was the one whom I had bore feelings with.
A/n: Angst should be the best to portray all my emotions rn but Idky I wrote this. I also dky I love to play with /is was are were have had has/ although I'm a grammar nazi. It's like you love to sing so much but you can't sing well at all. I've got a lot of ideas and most probably will attempt to write them out. And lastly, no, I refuse to recognise this as angst (although I tagged it as angst lol). Comments will make me cry a lot, please do ;;
Pairing: Haehyuk
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU, Romance
Length: One-shot, 739 words.
Summary: A girl, a boy, some casual sex and a man - who was that boy.
I used to think that I needed love because I was an orphan. When I was in middle school, I fell in ‘love’, but for some reason - which beats me until now - we broke up. It was a healthy but an unserious boy-girl relationship. When I started high school, I went out with a male - it all started with my curiosity and I thought that homosexual relationships are really intriguing - and we had sex. That night, I realised that what I needed wasn’t love; I needed endless sensualistic experiences. We broke off a week after in conflict. He disagreed with this decision and he claimed that nothing went wrong and we shouldn’t end our love just like this.
“It wasn’t love.” I mumbled before I left.
I spent the days in between my sophomore year in high school and my third year in the university having casual sex with men. Indeed, I really thought that those were what I’d always wanted, what I’d always yearned for and what I’d always needed. Throughout the years, I’d never nurtured any exceptional feelings toward my partners. They knew it all well; we knew it all well that this game that we were playing in that point of time had this taboo called love. We loved; not emotionally, but physically. It was practically a give-and-take cycle.
My close friends used to ask me if I was happy with that kind of lifestyle, and I’d always responded them with the same words, same sentence and the same sentiment every time. I’d gladly accept any men of my likings but there were three ‘no’s in my policy. One - no touching on friends. Two - no touching on family and relatives. Three - no touching on potential men who you’ll bear feelings with.
That one night after I had sex with one of my partners I met in the pub, we chanced upon my ex-boyfriend - high school old flame - when I was walking him home. We greeted each other and my partner self-requested to leave alone. For some reason - which also beats me until now - we dropped by a café around that district and sat together, having coffee.
“New boyfriend?” It was obvious that this question was intended to be asked minutes ago but he just couldn’t however he managed to sprout that out somehow at this awkward timing.
I shook my head.
He remained silent and the both of us tried to concentrate on our beverage.
“I had sex with him.”
Even god didn’t know why I said that.
“And many other men before him.” I continued after a brief break of trying to organise my thoughts. “There are countless of them. I don’t know.”
He remained silent and gazed at me with his doe eyes but they were plain - expressionlessly.
“I realised what I needed wasn’t love.” I took a quick sip on my latte. “Or I should say, what I’ve always needed wasn’t love.”
He showed zero intention in responding.
The contents of our coffee mug became empty now. We did nothing; not intending to move, not planning to leave. After we left the café, we had sex.
-
“Hyukjae,” He slipped his right arm under and placed his left arm above my waist, his fingers intertwined with each other; he had me locked in his embrace. We were lying on the bed, our bare skin pressed against each other. A human’s warmth eases one’s heart rapidly. The assuring temperature emitted from his skin to mine, from mine to his; and the cycle repeated. He drew himself closer and buried his nose and mouth into the space between my neck and my shoulder. He licked my collarbone and spoke again. “I realised what I needed wasn’t love too.” His constant exhales and inhales were exceptionally audible to me. “What I needed was you, or rather, it is you.”
I grabbed his hands and had his left hand’s fingers intertwined with mine instead.
“Donghae,” I paused for a second and a half. I was too tired to speak. “It’s cold; hold me tight.”
We fell back into silence after that. And we made love again. Twice; we did two times more but why wasn’t I getting tired of it? Oh, did I just mention love… earlier?
Policy number three - no touching on potential men who you’ll bear feelings with. Donghae wasn’t who I will bear feelings with, he was the one whom I had bore feelings with.
A/n: Angst should be the best to portray all my emotions rn but Idky I wrote this. I also dky I love to play with /is was are were have had has/ although I'm a grammar nazi. It's like you love to sing so much but you can't sing well at all. I've got a lot of ideas and most probably will attempt to write them out. And lastly, no, I refuse to recognise this as angst (although I tagged it as angst lol). Comments will make me cry a lot, please do ;;