[FANFIC] OF DEATHS, CRYBABIES, AND VOCABULARIES.
“Am I… dead?”
I’m cold, the frigid ground that I’m lying onto, the arid atmosphere - I thought I’ve almost forgotten how to breathe. Wait, I’m not breathing. Oh, so I’m… dead afterall…
“Yes, you are.” Footsteps echoed in this abyss. One by one, I’m starting to feel the pierce in my ears. I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn’t. For some reasons, as if I’m blind, even though I really had them opened, I couldn’t have seen anything. I could only hear.
“So this is it.” I think I smiled, pathetically. “The end of my inconsequential life of fourteen years.”
“It’s not your fault though.” Surprisingly, I could feel. You’d have glided your index finger through that stretch of bruises and scars if I’m not wrong. But I don’t feel the pain; touch all you like. “Do you want to continue living?”
“No, just let me die.” I tightened my eyelids, hoping that maybe it could help to increase the rate of my death, even if it’s just a little. “I don’t want to go back anymore.”
“Poor child.”
“Who are you anyway?”
“A grim reaper.”
“Are you serious? You mean, they do exist…”
“We exist.”
You landed your fingers on my body again. You went through all the possible bruises on my legs, my thighs, my arms and my… face. Something doesn’t feel right; you were too gentle, too gentle that I almost thought I’m finally being loved by someone. You’re giving me warmth in this freezing chasm; you’re… putting me into your arms.
“Are you going to let me die?”
“No.”
“Then you’re violating the rules somehow.”
“You don’t know how our system works so shut up.”
“Why don’t you let me die? FUCKING LET ME DIE.” I punched your chest and trying to seize for freedom. But when I felt a soggy sensation, I’m rationalising that if you’re… crying?
“You won’t die, you don’t deserve to die.”
That, was the last sentence I heard before I could fully open my eyes.
“Yesung-ah! Yesung! You’re late for school! Wakey wakey!”
“I’m awake!” I tip-toed and made sure that the longitudinal waves in my voice are long enough to travel down to the kitchen.
It’s summer, and I’m a sophomore in high school. From today onwards, I’ll be transferring to a new school. Everything’s changed from then onwards. I mean that dream-like juncture where you held me tight, your tears streaming down and forced me to continue living. My life’s changed, my family, my friends, my home, everything - even my name.
“Yesu - ”
“Yes, mum. I told you I was awake, didn’t I?”
“Aigoo, today is the first day in your new school; you shouldn’t be late.” The ever so benign hands of my mother’s ruffled my hair. I grabbed her wrist with minimum strength and rubbed my thumb against her palm.
“It’ll be fine.” I smiled with my gums shown. “I’m going.”
“Breakfast?”
“Nah, not having.” I’m about to finish tying my shoelaces.“Bye mum.” With another glance on that angelic figure, I closed the door and hopped onto my bicycle.
It’ll be good if my life was started off like that. No arguments, no family conflicts, no child-abuse, no nothing. My current mum is good, my current dad’s at the states, and I’m the only child. Sometimes I thought that it might be good that I’ve lived. After all, I’m a dead person.
Time passes as thoughts started overflowing in my brain. I braked the bike and parked it at the one of the school’s bike racks, grabbed my bag and flung it to my back, hand resting on shoulder, and walking to the indoors with my left hand inside my pocket.
The summer uniform feels comfortable when the wind passes through time to time. Cicadas shrilling ever so loudly, almost overlapped the bird’s endless morning singing. Some leaves fell, and my hair’s disheveled; warm mornings are so peaceful, I’m glad that I lived.
“Let me introduce him, he’s the new transfer student, Kim Yesung. Starting from today, he’ll be taking lessons together with us.”
“Hello, my name is Kim Yesung and I had been living in the states for the past three years. Hope we can get along.” That somewhat standard smile whenever you need to show during introduction was flashed. I got back some standard applause that is needed to be executed too. And I’m being addressed to my permanent seat - a window seat, with an empty neighbour.
Homeroom started. I cupped my chin with my elbow resting on the platform before me. Staring at the board, I could barely receive any information that my homeroom teacher is spilling now. He might be saying something about mid-terms, he might be saying about the extra lessons we have to attend during the summer vacations. Maybe I transferred at the wrong time. Or maybe… not.
“Sorry teach’! Imma late!” The door slid violently, the boy with a fury hair prayed for forgiveness.
“Save that accent. Go back to your seat.”
“Imma forgiven then?” The teacher stayed silent. “Yes!” He turned around and hopped towards, presuming, his seat.
“Meet me at the office during break time.”
He stopped hopping and cried a ‘why’. The class brims with laughter and boohoos. Looks like he’s the attention of the class. - Like, you know every class will have one of these ‘popular’ and outgoing guys.
He then continued going back to his place with his back hunched and face hanging with a pout by his cerise lips. He must’ve been a fanatic of red - even his cheeks are.
Not to my surprise but out of my expectation, he sat right beside me. Why wouldn’t he? That seat was the only empty one, he should sit there.
He threw his butt onto the chair and head pressing on the desk. Still pouting, he looked around and found something new - which is me.
“Oh.” He straightened his back with a fairly shocked expression.
“I’m Yesung.” Replying the unasked question.
“Sup, Imma Eunhyuk.” You showed me your gums with a wide smile.
“So you’ve an accent.”
“I can speak normally too.” You titled your head. “I am Eunhyuk, Lee Eunhyuk.”
“Student-Lee Eunhyuk, you can save your accent-less self-introduction for later. Next class is going to start and you’d better visit the office during break time later.” Homeroom teacher warned the redhead and he was being sent off with a slight curse from the latter.
“You’re a transfer student?” Expression changed rapidly after you’ve responded to the teacher.
“Yeah.”
“I see… Let’s get along!” You stretched out your hand and signaled for a handshake. I went with the flow and smiled.
“Is it me or you sounded weird with both accent and non-accent speech.”
You gasped. “Do I?”
“I think it’s me…”
The bell rang. Lessons started, mundane interval, and I fell asleep.
“I’ve… finally found you…” Ah - the voice that I haven’t been hearing, somewhat yearning to.
I tried to open my eyes, but no… It was the same situation as before. I couldn’t. I could only hear and feel. Am I dead… again?
“Jongwoon…” You called the name which I haven’t been possessed for the past three years. I’ve been living with ‘Yesung’ and for a moment I thought, “Who’s Jongwoon?”
“Jong… ng… sung… Yesung!!”
“Kim Yesung and Lee Eunhyuk!” I could once again open my eyes, I’m once again sure that I’m not dead… yet.
“Fancy sleeping in my class huh?” Still a little bit drowsy from the after effects of dozing off, the both of us were still unaware of the situation.
-
Break time, not for us. So apparently we’re receiving some punishment. Like standing along the corridor and had this “I will not sleep during lessons time again” board hanging on us. At least I’m better; the guy beside me has two.
“Whutta… Teach’s so petty.” Pouts, again.
“Yeah…” I stared blankly to the other side of the building, ignoring students passing by, mocking us, laughing at us, or whatever.
“So sorry.” You looked down with that pout wiped off.
“Why?”
“I… couldn’t wait…” You murmured something.
I couldn’t hear.
“Sorry?”
“Nothing~! Ughhhh, when can we go for our break?! We’ve been standing here for centuries!”
“It’s only ten minutes past break time…”
-
School’s over, the last bell was the evidence. I packed my bag and walked towards the exit. Eunhyuk is still busy burbling some stuff with his clique; that area’s always crowded with people. I bet he’ll never realise if somebody leaves, or enters.
“Bye ‘sung!” I heard this right after I’ve realised the speech that’s full with excitement has stopped. I turned back and all I could see is a hand waving, and a bunch of people pressuring their attention on me. I smiled and bid him goodbye.
I’m sure they went back to their topic again; I was just a minor interference that happened to grab the main lead’s attention. Nothing much to fret about.
I unlocked my bike and brought it outside of the school. I hopped on it, was about to make a right turn and do my third paddle. Just for a split second, I thought I’d have gone back to that drabness, that pit, which emits such tenebrous atmosphere again.
Then you called out to me, I thought I’ve met you again.
“Jongwoon!” A pair of arms grabbed me. We fell back, and the truck sped by as if nothing happened. “How dare you waste the life I’ve given you like that?! Have you been living like this?” You sniffles.
I’m stupefied. I’m still not aware who you are. Who you… are…
“…Eunhyuk?”
“Are you dumb?” You hic once.
“Where’s you accent?”
“Stupid. Idiot. Nincompoop. ” You hic once more.
“Don’t cry…” You’re that… grim reaper who just had too much tears.
“You had no idea how much I’ve cried for you.” You sniffed.
“You’re a grim reaper… right? Act like one.”
“Shut up, your ignorance is getting you cocky.”
“…”
“Why won’t you ask me why am I here?”
“Why are you here?”
“I’m being demoted because of someone.” You wiped your tears with your wrist.
“Demoted? Me? You’re a human now?”
“Are you stupid?” With that, you refused to answer my question and threw you body onto me. We shared a hug at the roadside, with oblivious vehicles rushing in and out.
-
“Ne, Jongwoon…” Looks like this redhead has calmed down a bit and we’re boarding on a bus. “You know I’ve been watching you since you were… seven?”
“Seven?”
“Yeah, I was still a greenhorn back then. I could only just watch the situations of different human who will be dead within ten years time. I saw you, I saw how your parents treated you, I saw everything. From then on I swore to watch upon you. Even if you’ll die, I’ll make you live. And even if it costs my life, I want to see you.” You held my hand and squeezed it tightly; I could sense the insecurity in you.
“Thank you…” You looked at me, probably feeling a little bit confused. “For bringing me back alive again.” I smiled.
“I missed you.” You leaned over and snaked your arms behind me. We hugged once more and I closed my eyes.
“Yeah, I missed you too… Crybaby.”
“Idiot.”
“Do grim reapers only know such limited vocabulary?”
“Shut up. Tell me what I should say instead then.” You got up and faced me.
“Smart, handsome, suave, kind, or… I love you?”
3… 2… 1…
“IDIOT!” Oh I know you too well.
-
Summer slips by without us knowing. We went for our summer camp, skipped summer lessons, and did weeding in the field for punishment. It was fun, hanging out with you, talking to you, and feeling eased to be with you. You’re like an angel instead of grim reaper. You’re like an innocent kid instead of some immortal who had lived for thousands of years. You’re the most precious thing in my heart.
“Jo - Opps, Yesung. Keke I forgot. Anyway, do you have any plans for tomorrow?”
“My dad’s coming back tomorrow. So I’ve to go to the airport with mum.”
“Boohooooooo.” You did the pout that I’m never getting tired of again.
“Can’t you leave your dad and mum alone? I bet they’ll be happier if this little obstacle is outta their way.” You smirked.
“It can’t be helped. I’m ordered.”
“No wayyyyyyy. I’m your boyfriend.”
“Sorry.”
“Humph.”
“Let’s get going.”
“I refuse to.”
“Why? It’s getting late. The school gate’s closing.”
“You go first then.” Still pouting, you avoided eye contact with me and hid your head in your arms.
“Silly, let’s go!” I pulled your arm and dragged you out of the school.
“I’m not forgiving you.” You threw my hand away and walked slightly slower behind me
“Okay okay…” I sighed with a smile.
“What?! So you don’t want me to forgive you?!”
I stopped walking, sensing something was going amiss.
“Why are you being exceptionally unreasonable today? You’re weird.”
“I’m always this unreasonable.” Oh dear, since when did your eyes became a water hose again.
“Alright, alright. Stop crying…” My attempt on patting on your shoulder failed.
“Don’t touch me! I hate you!” You puffed your cheeks and ran back to where we came from. I stood there blankly, trying to gather back my senses.
The next day I went to the airport with my parent, had a family dinner, and the day just went by almost as smoothly. He didn’t call, not even once. I thought he’d be okay the next day, but no, still no news from him. And if I were the one who took the initiative, he might have ignored me, too. My life was colourless over the weekends - without the presence of Lee Eunhyuk.
It’s finally Monday and I got into school earlier than usual, just hoping that I’ll see Eunhyuk around. I settled down in my place and stared at his table until the first ring of the bell went by. “He might be late again.” I thought. So I waited. Second bell, third bell, fourth bell, until the very last bell. The seat is still untaken.
This was when I decided to go to his apartment to take a look, but it happens that the unit is already accommodated by a family of four. Everything looked like it’s well-planned, like his disappearance is almost predictable, foreseeable.
That night, I became a cry baby like how you’ve always been. And I finally know why you acted like that on that day.
Throughout the year, the seat beside me is empty. Another year passed really quickly as it’s the last year and all I’ve been doing was having my nose hidden in the pile of books and notes. After graduation, I got into Seoul University. It was Spring.
Cherry blossoms coloured the picture pink. Strolling into the school while admiring how pretty Mother Nature could be, I halted when I saw a figure before me - white Adidas sneakers, grey baggy pants and a black wife beater. You hid your hand in the pockets behind your pants and I visualised your jaw line. Moving on, I saw your cerise lips, your nose, your eyelinered eyes and your crimson hair that frames your fair-toned porcelain face. This familiar figure has never been erased in my mind once; I missed you.
“E-eunhyuk…” Eyes brimmed with tears, I stuttered.
“Shhh, I’m Hyukjae. Lee Hyukjae.” You came closer, your fingers caressing my tear-stained cheeks. “Crybaby.”
“Shut up.”
“Limited vocabulary.”
“Idiot.” We said that together as if it’s on cue. The both of us indeed, don’t have any more words to describe our affection to each other. “I love you.”
♥ /Krying/ Finally written one fic. T__T Anyway, just a side note - if you've realised Jongwoon changed his name to Yesung because he died once. So this applies to Eunhyuk too. Sorry if it's confusing huhuuu. Fail fail fail.
♥ Comments are still loved. ;~; Shower me with those.