(no subject)
so BCI 2007 was an amazing 26 days of my life...no words can explain it, seriously, and as much as i've been trying to for the past 2 weeks, I can't. Pictures are posted on facebook, along with everyone elses and I walked away from the experience a little different. For those 3 1/2 weeks I focused on myself, and really tried to find new ways of expressing and exploring my judaism...i barely came to any conclusions, but i created many questions for myself to answer in the coming year. what am i really doing at my job? is being a "professional jew" something i want to continue? or am i avoiding figuring out judaism for myself by hiding behind my job?
thats the most recent question..am i happy at my job? i came back from LA really happy, i spent 3 1/2 weeks with a new group of people who didn't care how i looked, but cared about what i said, or didnt say. i didnt have to put on an act for anyone i could be myself. and now i'm back. i'm back at work, and honestly, i'm miserable. i didnt think i was until today. until i took a minute and said what the fuck am i doing? clara drives me up the wall, in my personel evaluation today (that should have been done MONTHS ago, before I negotiated my salary) she wrote all the things i need to improve on, I don't mind the criticism, but seriously, I was doing my job, and hers and a few others last year, of course i didnt have the time to be more visible out on campus! my frustrations are really in EMU Hillel. I can only do so much before i break down and I've reached my breaking point. I don't know what I can do anymore to make things better, i'm so frustrated in the complete lack of leadership in EMU Hillel. I can't go on like i did last year. I want to be an effective Program Director..oh I'm sorry I'm still a Program Associate according to EMU Hillel...but fuck the title, I do the work of an Assistant Director sometimes and I am fucking 23 years old, I don't have the skills, or the experience to do that job! I want someone who can teach me, so I can become a better professional. I don't know what i'm missing out on. Working with Joel has helped, but he works at UofM..and lets face it, the typical student is very different between the two campuses. i don't want to leave, but is it worth it to work there this year? what am i getting out if it? am i becoming a better professional? or when i do go to another job am i going to be lacking in skills needed to succeed?
i think i'd be happy to be at 1101 Peppertree Lane again, when the only thing I really had to worry about what showing up to the activities on time...
thats the most recent question..am i happy at my job? i came back from LA really happy, i spent 3 1/2 weeks with a new group of people who didn't care how i looked, but cared about what i said, or didnt say. i didnt have to put on an act for anyone i could be myself. and now i'm back. i'm back at work, and honestly, i'm miserable. i didnt think i was until today. until i took a minute and said what the fuck am i doing? clara drives me up the wall, in my personel evaluation today (that should have been done MONTHS ago, before I negotiated my salary) she wrote all the things i need to improve on, I don't mind the criticism, but seriously, I was doing my job, and hers and a few others last year, of course i didnt have the time to be more visible out on campus! my frustrations are really in EMU Hillel. I can only do so much before i break down and I've reached my breaking point. I don't know what I can do anymore to make things better, i'm so frustrated in the complete lack of leadership in EMU Hillel. I can't go on like i did last year. I want to be an effective Program Director..oh I'm sorry I'm still a Program Associate according to EMU Hillel...but fuck the title, I do the work of an Assistant Director sometimes and I am fucking 23 years old, I don't have the skills, or the experience to do that job! I want someone who can teach me, so I can become a better professional. I don't know what i'm missing out on. Working with Joel has helped, but he works at UofM..and lets face it, the typical student is very different between the two campuses. i don't want to leave, but is it worth it to work there this year? what am i getting out if it? am i becoming a better professional? or when i do go to another job am i going to be lacking in skills needed to succeed?
i think i'd be happy to be at 1101 Peppertree Lane again, when the only thing I really had to worry about what showing up to the activities on time...