too much thinking...
i realized that living by myself in this house, i've been doing a lot of thinking...some good some bad...
i was thinking about the relationships/friendships i've created, maintained and lost this year, so many things have changed in the past 12 months. i'm not sure how close emily and i would have become had it not been for the events of fall semester and our talk in the hallway of the hotel at Kallah, not only that but the events that followed Kallah led to us becoming very close, and although we haven't had one of our serious conversations since before graduation...one of these days we will...
other things have been popping into my head as well...basically about some things that happened at the begining of the year....and the what ifs and only's are coming back..what if things were different, what if i would have said something different, what if the situation was changed...everything is just going nuts in my head right now....i wish i could be more specific but i'm not sure this is the right place for it or that i am ready to actually write it out...
my other thoughts have been about religion and that is something i can write about here...and i've only said this in conversation to alex...i am now employed by a jewish organization and i am an advisor for a jewish youth group, and yet i am having issues with the religion... as of right now in my life, i don't think i believe in G-D...yea thats huge, especially for being a jew...i'm not sure what i truly believe, and i pride myself in being apart of the Conservative movement but can i truly be apart of a movement which wont recognize and ordain gay rabbis? am i ok with the traditional point of view when my views are more on the liberal end of the spectrum?
it seems as soon as i figure one thing out in my life, another problem or conflict arises...is there going to be some point where i am not in an emotional rollercoaster or thinking too much?
i was thinking about the relationships/friendships i've created, maintained and lost this year, so many things have changed in the past 12 months. i'm not sure how close emily and i would have become had it not been for the events of fall semester and our talk in the hallway of the hotel at Kallah, not only that but the events that followed Kallah led to us becoming very close, and although we haven't had one of our serious conversations since before graduation...one of these days we will...
other things have been popping into my head as well...basically about some things that happened at the begining of the year....and the what ifs and only's are coming back..what if things were different, what if i would have said something different, what if the situation was changed...everything is just going nuts in my head right now....i wish i could be more specific but i'm not sure this is the right place for it or that i am ready to actually write it out...
my other thoughts have been about religion and that is something i can write about here...and i've only said this in conversation to alex...i am now employed by a jewish organization and i am an advisor for a jewish youth group, and yet i am having issues with the religion... as of right now in my life, i don't think i believe in G-D...yea thats huge, especially for being a jew...i'm not sure what i truly believe, and i pride myself in being apart of the Conservative movement but can i truly be apart of a movement which wont recognize and ordain gay rabbis? am i ok with the traditional point of view when my views are more on the liberal end of the spectrum?
it seems as soon as i figure one thing out in my life, another problem or conflict arises...is there going to be some point where i am not in an emotional rollercoaster or thinking too much?