(no subject)
I GIVE UP!!! I can't do it. I thought I was gonna be able to go up there and everything was gonna be okay. But its not, and there is no use lying to myself. I am in a hole and can't get out of it. I just need to face the facts. Its not gonna work. No matter how much I want it to and no matter how hard i try, it just wont work. I cant afford it. I realize i wasnt prepared but how could i have been when i didn't know if i could even continue until last week. there was no sense in wasting money if there wasnt a possibility it could work. and now that possibility is shot. I am still gonna go up there tomorrow and plead my case, and they will look at me as a slacker. And I will have to say i give up. I cant keep trying to please everybody. i wish i could just have those colored shirts and that dress then maybe i wouldn't have to give up just yet. But i dont have them and i cant get them. my mother doesn't understand why i am doing this to myself; why i'm "freaking out over something so stupid." and part of me wants to ask myself the same thing. i feel like such an idiot; babbling about this. oh well, i case all i can do is wait till tomorrow.