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i knew when i decided to move that i was moving, in part, to get away from something
to escape this feeling that i had
so i reached out and the first thing i touched on was new york
and it felt so right because it was mine, and it was everything that i needed then
now i just realize that i was leaving san francisco in order to leave something
i was leaving san francisco because it gave me the control over who was leaving who or what was leaving what for a change, instead of it being out of my hands
so i left
i left so i could be the first one to go and not look back
now, don't get me wrong, i am happy here in new york
i'm making a good life for myself, and i'm doing something that not many 19 year olds i know are doing/have done.
college is a completely different experience from just uprooting yourself and moving across the country to live on your own and support yourself as a grown up with according resposibilities.
but now i've looked back, and i understand myself better
i was angry, and so sad, but i was covering it with anger.
now i've let myself stop being angry, and although the hurt has intensified again, i actually understand the things that motivate me to make the choices i've been making.
and now i need to go back home and start to sift through my life, and all of the very real problems that i DO have, and try to find a way to solve them or live with them without wishing each day that i would just die so it would all stop.
like i said, i uprooted myself and moved across the country, but up until my planes descent this evening i'd never felt uprooted. i do now.
i left my heart in san francisco! haha.
to escape this feeling that i had
so i reached out and the first thing i touched on was new york
and it felt so right because it was mine, and it was everything that i needed then
now i just realize that i was leaving san francisco in order to leave something
i was leaving san francisco because it gave me the control over who was leaving who or what was leaving what for a change, instead of it being out of my hands
so i left
i left so i could be the first one to go and not look back
now, don't get me wrong, i am happy here in new york
i'm making a good life for myself, and i'm doing something that not many 19 year olds i know are doing/have done.
college is a completely different experience from just uprooting yourself and moving across the country to live on your own and support yourself as a grown up with according resposibilities.
but now i've looked back, and i understand myself better
i was angry, and so sad, but i was covering it with anger.
now i've let myself stop being angry, and although the hurt has intensified again, i actually understand the things that motivate me to make the choices i've been making.
and now i need to go back home and start to sift through my life, and all of the very real problems that i DO have, and try to find a way to solve them or live with them without wishing each day that i would just die so it would all stop.
like i said, i uprooted myself and moved across the country, but up until my planes descent this evening i'd never felt uprooted. i do now.
i left my heart in san francisco! haha.