well, it's a bit better
schmitty finally decided to talk about the stuff from last thursday, so that was something
i told him flat out that i'm not fighting him to be a good boyfriend anymore, either he is or the relationship will fall apart. he was genuinely upset (the closest i've seen him to crying) so i'm leaving this behind and just hoping he actually Does It.
then i mentioned how i'll be irrationally upset when he's in hawai'i if i'm still stuck in dc this july. and he started picking on me because i couldn't go. and i said i don't like being reminded that not only can i not go to china, but i also can't afford to buy a ticket to go to hawai'i with him instead. he said "oh" and then proceeded to continue talking about it. he wasn't being mean, he just doesn't understand that this is literally something i'm in denial about.
so i came upstairs and ate a bowl of cereal, because food makes me forget my sadness.
yah.