a weekend of sorts
away from starbucks for 4 days. lord it feels good. don't want to go to work tomorrow but thems the breaks.
weekended at schmittys.
first tho, last week was weird.
started taking iron pills. now i'm sleeping a lot less. i got about 16 hours from monday to friday....which is not normal. got to catch up this weekend.
went down to dc friday morning. it was a lovely day and my brain was in order. we chilled with anthony at his place, had snuggle times and went out with compton and kids at this cigar bar. it was a relaxed evening, and decidedly happy.
then saturday my brain made up for all that good time by making me just miserable. spent half the day trying to not burst into tears and pick stpid fights with schmitty. which i failed at, because i needed to have the stupid fight to get back to feeling decent (insecurities needed to be dealt with). why do i self destruct? why would i rather push him away now than lose him later? why is my brain so broken, and why can't i even have two days without thinking everything is all wrong because it's too right.
so saturday was less than good...really less than good...and while i think i was not entirely off my rocker about my concerns, i could have waited for a better - and saner - time to bring them up and force him to think about all the shit that never leaves my brain alone.
sunday was better. short, but nice. saw him off to the airport and then caught my bus. traffic was terrible. just terrible. didn't get to work until 9, thought i was supposed to be there at 8, was really supposed to be there at 6. lame, aubri.
anyway, work tonight wasn't much better. just a slow night. dana and i danced on the bar to keep ourselves entertained, but the night still managed to drag. at least i had michelle there to talk with, and georgie for a bit.
the trees are full of snubby, glossy leaves full of potential and nearly luminescent with their life and nutrients. the willow trees branches reach out to you, offering their tiny green leaves, while the cherry trees show off their blossoms in glory and pride. the air feels warm and inviting and full of humid-wet promise of days to come. and i can't help but feel a little hopeful. if the rest of the world can be reborn, maybe i can be too?
maybe?