a quote, a definition and a mini update
"don't be fixated on point f, because you'll miss points a, b, c, d and e along the way" - hillary swank (of all people)
as lulu, bogie, pretty and MANY a other person can attest, i would be wise to heed this piece of advice. it is hard to not plan for the future. it helps me ignore my concerns in the present and gives me a feeling of security. but what good is deciding how the future will be if i don't enjoy the time from now until then? i will only get to point f and wonder how i'm getting to g.
love, as defined by dictionary.com
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
13. a score of nothing. zero.
i was only going to post 13, but i didn't want to seem too grinchy. it's not that i think love leaves you empty as a person, but i think the net total of love is zero. like a not-for-profit everything you gain you distribute, everything you give is returned. love comes up par.
i finished all my tpr diagnostics. it only took me all day. i also cleaned my room, and that lasted roughly 4 hours. looked for flights to europe. they're all So Damn Expensive. argh. at least jenna isn't pressing me on the time frame (it's more the other way around if anything). must learn to not ignore the next 6 months in anticipation of august.
it seems like with the approaching new year (chunjie), i have abandoned all concern. i have one more week of wearing red compulsively, of keeping this bracelet strapped to my wrist and of expecting life altering happenings. after this it'll just be me and my hard work, no extra cosmic juices to help me along. i think i'm ready for it.
met lulu at midway, and we had some bonding time. it was too short, and too easily focused on me (i am vain, it is a fault, i know). but i do love that girl to bits. i like how we can be nostalgic or forward thinking, crass or sentimental, idealistic or cynical, all in the same conversation. she keeps me moving.
rick decided to go to ct, so no company tonight either. such is how it is.
i also talked with angel and jim today. it's odd, but i've talked with jim and jenjen more than i've talked with angel recently. i'm only now coming to terms with the change our friendship has taken, and i'm not certain i'm ok with it. i don't want to be this distant. i have had few true friends in my life, and she is decidedly one of them. we have ups and downs, and if this past year has been one of our downs, i am ready for us to move up again. it's strange how i'll accept a situation for ridiculous amounts of time, and then one stray comment or conversation will point out to me how ridiculous i am, and the situation is, and how i can fix it.
still waiting for that serendipity where clare is concerned.
finally, i am so very very fond of my boy. i know none of you were really in doubt of that, but i feel the need to say it. i rarely post any of those random girl moments i have, in which is think things like "dc is so far away, and i do not demand tons of his attention, just a text message a day. it would be so easy to cheat under those circumstances". i don't know why i seem determined to undermine myself, my confidence and my happiness, but i seem to constantly do it. there is a receptor in my brain that somehow manages to neglect his years of devotion and love, his undivided attention whenever demanded, and his bajillion expressions of comittment - big and small. i post things like this more to remind and reassure myself than you guys. i don't think ya'll worry nearly as much as i do.
and now, to make the quote my own: you are both my journey and my destination. thank god i love to travel.
(feel free to use that)
as lulu, bogie, pretty and MANY a other person can attest, i would be wise to heed this piece of advice. it is hard to not plan for the future. it helps me ignore my concerns in the present and gives me a feeling of security. but what good is deciding how the future will be if i don't enjoy the time from now until then? i will only get to point f and wonder how i'm getting to g.
love, as defined by dictionary.com
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
13. a score of nothing. zero.
i was only going to post 13, but i didn't want to seem too grinchy. it's not that i think love leaves you empty as a person, but i think the net total of love is zero. like a not-for-profit everything you gain you distribute, everything you give is returned. love comes up par.
i finished all my tpr diagnostics. it only took me all day. i also cleaned my room, and that lasted roughly 4 hours. looked for flights to europe. they're all So Damn Expensive. argh. at least jenna isn't pressing me on the time frame (it's more the other way around if anything). must learn to not ignore the next 6 months in anticipation of august.
it seems like with the approaching new year (chunjie), i have abandoned all concern. i have one more week of wearing red compulsively, of keeping this bracelet strapped to my wrist and of expecting life altering happenings. after this it'll just be me and my hard work, no extra cosmic juices to help me along. i think i'm ready for it.
met lulu at midway, and we had some bonding time. it was too short, and too easily focused on me (i am vain, it is a fault, i know). but i do love that girl to bits. i like how we can be nostalgic or forward thinking, crass or sentimental, idealistic or cynical, all in the same conversation. she keeps me moving.
rick decided to go to ct, so no company tonight either. such is how it is.
i also talked with angel and jim today. it's odd, but i've talked with jim and jenjen more than i've talked with angel recently. i'm only now coming to terms with the change our friendship has taken, and i'm not certain i'm ok with it. i don't want to be this distant. i have had few true friends in my life, and she is decidedly one of them. we have ups and downs, and if this past year has been one of our downs, i am ready for us to move up again. it's strange how i'll accept a situation for ridiculous amounts of time, and then one stray comment or conversation will point out to me how ridiculous i am, and the situation is, and how i can fix it.
still waiting for that serendipity where clare is concerned.
finally, i am so very very fond of my boy. i know none of you were really in doubt of that, but i feel the need to say it. i rarely post any of those random girl moments i have, in which is think things like "dc is so far away, and i do not demand tons of his attention, just a text message a day. it would be so easy to cheat under those circumstances". i don't know why i seem determined to undermine myself, my confidence and my happiness, but i seem to constantly do it. there is a receptor in my brain that somehow manages to neglect his years of devotion and love, his undivided attention whenever demanded, and his bajillion expressions of comittment - big and small. i post things like this more to remind and reassure myself than you guys. i don't think ya'll worry nearly as much as i do.
and now, to make the quote my own: you are both my journey and my destination. thank god i love to travel.
(feel free to use that)