two thoughts
1: i Love getting off my train and seeing the brooklyn museum. seeing the lights, the sculptures, the architecture, the dancing water. it is wunnerful.
2: the thing about dating in college (or highschool, or in general)
every memory i have of oberlin, with the exception of freshman year, seems to be filled with jim. my entire college experience is laced with him, so whenever i try to think of that part of my past, of my life back then, it always leads to a thought of him.
it's just weird having so much of myself so inextricably tied up in someone else.
also, why don't i have this reaction to thoughts of paul? i suppose i don't want to remember senior year and freshman year as much. probably, largely in part, because of him. i actively try not to think of it, because it was such a bad time in my life. time with jim was good, so it's not a bad idea to look back on it, but then i find myself going "oh...yeah...that's so totally over in a million ways"
i think some people had it right, meeting the person they loved in high school, and staying with them. never knowing the pain of love lost, never knowing that awkward feeling of not being able to own or embrace your memories because someone else is there. even if there are bad times with that person, they are simply times - the person is still there and you come out the other side with them when the time ends.
this doesn't account for having that person die. that sucks. how can people ever put themselves in a place where they could die, KNOWING how it will hurt and destroy the lives of those they leave behind. all the dreams you have for your future are ruined in one moment, and nothing you do after that will ever be the same. you'll never be able to forget those dreams, those hopes or that love. even if you move on, that will stay with you. which i think is true of lost love too. it stays with you, and even when you move on, you can't ever forget how it could have been.
or maybe you just haven't really moved on?
just some thoughts.
woke at 4am, worked from 5:45am to 7:20pm. want to go see my friends, but my back and feet hurt so much. plus sleep would be nice.
i'm a loser.
2: the thing about dating in college (or highschool, or in general)
every memory i have of oberlin, with the exception of freshman year, seems to be filled with jim. my entire college experience is laced with him, so whenever i try to think of that part of my past, of my life back then, it always leads to a thought of him.
it's just weird having so much of myself so inextricably tied up in someone else.
also, why don't i have this reaction to thoughts of paul? i suppose i don't want to remember senior year and freshman year as much. probably, largely in part, because of him. i actively try not to think of it, because it was such a bad time in my life. time with jim was good, so it's not a bad idea to look back on it, but then i find myself going "oh...yeah...that's so totally over in a million ways"
i think some people had it right, meeting the person they loved in high school, and staying with them. never knowing the pain of love lost, never knowing that awkward feeling of not being able to own or embrace your memories because someone else is there. even if there are bad times with that person, they are simply times - the person is still there and you come out the other side with them when the time ends.
this doesn't account for having that person die. that sucks. how can people ever put themselves in a place where they could die, KNOWING how it will hurt and destroy the lives of those they leave behind. all the dreams you have for your future are ruined in one moment, and nothing you do after that will ever be the same. you'll never be able to forget those dreams, those hopes or that love. even if you move on, that will stay with you. which i think is true of lost love too. it stays with you, and even when you move on, you can't ever forget how it could have been.
or maybe you just haven't really moved on?
just some thoughts.
woke at 4am, worked from 5:45am to 7:20pm. want to go see my friends, but my back and feet hurt so much. plus sleep would be nice.
i'm a loser.