on schmitty
he came, he was wonderful, he left.
it's a trend we have.
i am learning many new and interesting things about both of us. for example: we're both scared shitless. and it's ok.
i can talk to him, because he talks to me. getting him to talk is so difficult sometimes that the only natural responce is to return the favor. i am learning to say what i mean. and in saying it, most of the negativity seems to go with it.
talking things out.
wow.
so, i am no longer snarky about him having to leave. i'd rather he left than lost his job. i'd rather he didn't feel torn between me and the delicate grasp on his future that he's just starting to plan. i'd rather be someone who helps that effort along gracefully.
after all, i'm not in a rush. there is no need to hurry, to make ourselves change, to wreak havoc on our goals.
so, we'll stay what we've always been, because while it's not the difference between dc and china it's still 4 hours and neither of us is sure what lays ahead. better to make things simple and be patient than rush and fail.
and now that we've got this all decided i'm feeling much less angsty and demanding. i know what the game plan is, and that was all i really needed. i just needed to be able to look him in the eyes and see what he was thinking and hear the words come from his mouth. now i can move forward.
saturday we cleaned all day. the house was soooo clean. for about 12 hours. now it's back to normal. ahhhhh well.
jenna came home for the weekend, and it seemed like she'd always been there. i love my sissy.
sunday schmitty showed up. we went shopping with jenna, and then over to angel's for dinner. despite all my worst fear and anticipations i actually rather liked mike. he was a bit quiet, but i think between me, angel and schmitty it was difficult to get a word in edgewise. so, i'm at ease there.
plus, dinner was delicious :)
then it was a quiet night in for the two of us, with much conversing and plotting things like the 4th of july or pa.
today we went out to see angel at the java house. her cash register is bonk. so they gave up on trying to make it work and we went to shorty's for breakfast, schmitty's treat. mmmmm, french toast :)
it was rainy, so there weren't many options for how to spend the day, so it was back home to try to take a nap (so he wouldn't crash and die while driving home). napping was distracted by things like talking, and alyssa wanting to snuggle too.
alyssa loves him. she gets all jealous if she sees me giving him hugs.
gramma came over to visit, which was nice, but hard for me to concentrate because i was busy being mopey because he had to leave. got him on the road by 6, and went in to watch lyss while ben worked. we laid on the floor to watch cartoons, and she fell asleep in my lap right around the time i fell asleep too. woke up to ben knocking on the door, amazed that i'd actually managed to get her to take a nap!
so, i slept from 6:30 to midnight thirty, and now here i am. i feel like a lifetime passed me this weekend. i feel good.