saturday was better
aside from being MASSIVELY hung over
ohhhhh so hung over. woke up at like, oh, 2. talked with schmitty for a while. sat around thinking about the play and getting nothing figured out. watched mrs. henderson presents, which was nifty. i enjoy movie musicals, or movies with musicals in them.
spent the evening chilling with the kids, which was oh so nice after being absent for so long. was offered the opportunity to earn an extra 400rmb today, but rene had promised tastey breakfasts and frankly that won. i KNOW i need the money. but i also need boys cooking me french toast, i like to think it was money on cabs and food saved, as well as a little destresser.
also, i would have had to wake up at 6:30. YUCK!
it was veronica's birthday, and they were having a luau on the second buildings baclony, but the wind was sooo strong it didn't really work. i wasn't drinking (refer to massive hangover), so there was nothing keeping me warm. plus, i really don't get along with most of those people. not for any particular reason, they just don't seem like they're worth the trouble of getting to know (is that rotten or what?)
so, i was in the lobby with inga and cigdem and teh georgian boy and everyone else. i ate a package of oreos. ugh. stupid pms. alllll i want is to eat chocolate nonstop. bad aubri.
and i didn't go to the gym yesterday, and i COULD have gone today if i'd known sean was going to take his sweet ass time getting up here.
anywho, last nite was nice. we generally spend most of the evening kinda decompressing with each other, talking and venting and switching head massagey duties. it's a nice way to end an evening. this morning there wasn't enough time to acutally make breakfast. we woke up in time, but getting out of bed jsut didn't seem feasible, so i said "to hell with food". after a package of oreos, i think i could afford that attitude.
but while i was in the shower he cooked me a really tastey toasted cheese on crusty bread, which he put in a little box, and added a box of milk and an apple. he packed a lunch for me!
think about this. WHEN is the last time someone packed a lunch for you?! like, made you a samich and tucked it all away nice to make sure you got some sustenance during the day. i was giggling from the adorableness of the sentiment.
julia was really good today. i took her outside to play in the sun and the grass. i think it's terrible i suck up her sunday afternoons sitting at a desk reading english textbooks. so we grabbed a ball and went outside to play. she learned the word "further" and "goal" today. and we practiced telling time and her addition. it was a great hour.
then i hustled over to renda to buy some money to recharge my phone. i spent all day yesterday bragging how i NEVER have to recharge my phone and i ran out of minutes yesterday after the shops closed. that's what i get for bragging. made it to my new student (jessica) JUST in time (i thought i'd be seriously late, but it only takes maybe 20 minutes, which is great). she's really quiet, but seems to be pretty bright and absorbs the language really quickly. just need to get her out of her shell. i've got a month to try. sundays are for 7yr olds apparently.
supposed to have dinner with sean now, but he is apparently NOT coming up, evne tho i called him at 6 and told him he should try to get here by 8. urgh. i don't think he realizes it takes an hour to get up here. i could have gone to the gym dammit! mer....
ahhhh well. not gonna stress.
still need to figure out what to do for the play.
have recordings at 9:30 tomorrow, then work, then wangxia. i don't want to think about the money i'll lose may holiday if i can't find some spare work. ugh, makes my tummy ache thinking of it.
also, if i haven't expressed this before, i am REALLY starting to get freaked about coming home. i hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate the idea of leaving renda and inga and cigdem and rene, of leaving my students, of leaving my gym and it's gym boys, of leaving my flowers and wind and buildings and busses and parks and my life. it's my life. i spend a year building it up knowing full well i'll be leaving it, but it still hurts knowing i have to leave.
i CANNOT wait to land in that airport and hug my dad and start giving schmitty all the kisses i've promised. i cannot wait to see my friends and start my life in nyc. but the costs of this life always press on me. i am simultaneously giddy and heartbroken. to be in one place with one person i have to sacrfice another person in another place.
i'm starting to get nostalgic for china. i walk around trying to soak in the city, to get it in the marrow of my bones, so i can carry it with me when times get tough back home. trying to memorize the laughs of my friends, and the achievements of my students. it's so hard to do, because i have to CONSTANTLY be looking forward. i still have to do the play, still have to buy souveniers, still have to buy my tea sets and clothes, still have to pay for my last two visa extensions, still have to find a job in nyc and somewhere to live. still ahve to earn another 10,000rmb. still ahve to live my life, while trying to enjoy it, while planning for the future, while trying to close up my life here.
hurm.
must think about the play now.