Talks with Mom
If there's one way to make a person hate humanity, it's attempting to shop in Union Square on a Friday afternoon before Christmas. Mom needed some new clothes, and we usually get together on Fridays so we figured, why not? Ugh, we learned even before we parked. The crowds were insane, people were rude, and everything took fifty times longer than usual. Getting into the elevator in the parking garage, this guy was standing practically in the doorway with his feet sticking out. He was busily texting away. I tried to squeeze in with the stroller, politely saying excuse me. Did he move? Nope. Did I run over his feet with my stroller? Almost. Then I waited about five minutes to catch an elevator in Macy's. When it finally arrived, it was full. Of people with no strollers. Who were about 20 years old. I mean, sure they could all have invisible disabilities. Or not. They all look at me, and the doors close. Please, if I am ever in an elevator and a woman with a baby in a stroller is trying to get in - if I don't get out to give her room? Shoot me. Especially since there was an escalator right outside the elevator doors.
On the up side, I had a great time with Mom. She actually decided to buy a couple of things I picked out for her. And I found myself a pretty decent shirt and sweater as well. Now I just need to find somewhere to wear them. Tom's out at his work holiday party, but our babysitting situation got snafu'd so I'm home with the kids watching Duck Dynasty. I'm not sure this is all bad. Sadly, I can't really justify dressing up to sit on the couch. We had some good conversations too. Things are going really well for her at the moment, even though she's decided to divorce McGee. Her job is going well for a change, she's made some more friends, and she's made a good community for herself at church.
So we were talking about relationships, because I've been thinking about things with Tom for a while now. And I keep trying to explain to him what the issue is. He feels like our relationship is fine, except for how sex is a bit lacking. I tell him that I feel like we're housemates, roommates. Sometimes with benefits. But there's no intimacy. As I was talking to Mom, things started to get a little clearer. I'm feeling lonely in this relationship. We rarely talk, we argue about stuff and just can't figure out how to compromise - one of us has to be right, one of us has to be wrong. I want someone to be interested in what I'm interested in. Like, if I weren't married to him I wouldn't be into computers - but I've developed an interest, because it's something he cares about. I want to be able to listen to a song on the radio and say, "listen to that - it makes me feel uplifted" and have someone understand what I mean. Have them feel it too. I want someone who will participate in a spiritual community with me. No, they don't have to believe in god... but be open to the community that is there. People who will help us celebrate and mourn and move through this messy human experience.
I know I can't make Tom someone he's not. But maybe he could stretch. I'm just tired of feeling alone when I'm married.
On the up side, I had a great time with Mom. She actually decided to buy a couple of things I picked out for her. And I found myself a pretty decent shirt and sweater as well. Now I just need to find somewhere to wear them. Tom's out at his work holiday party, but our babysitting situation got snafu'd so I'm home with the kids watching Duck Dynasty. I'm not sure this is all bad. Sadly, I can't really justify dressing up to sit on the couch. We had some good conversations too. Things are going really well for her at the moment, even though she's decided to divorce McGee. Her job is going well for a change, she's made some more friends, and she's made a good community for herself at church.
So we were talking about relationships, because I've been thinking about things with Tom for a while now. And I keep trying to explain to him what the issue is. He feels like our relationship is fine, except for how sex is a bit lacking. I tell him that I feel like we're housemates, roommates. Sometimes with benefits. But there's no intimacy. As I was talking to Mom, things started to get a little clearer. I'm feeling lonely in this relationship. We rarely talk, we argue about stuff and just can't figure out how to compromise - one of us has to be right, one of us has to be wrong. I want someone to be interested in what I'm interested in. Like, if I weren't married to him I wouldn't be into computers - but I've developed an interest, because it's something he cares about. I want to be able to listen to a song on the radio and say, "listen to that - it makes me feel uplifted" and have someone understand what I mean. Have them feel it too. I want someone who will participate in a spiritual community with me. No, they don't have to believe in god... but be open to the community that is there. People who will help us celebrate and mourn and move through this messy human experience.
I know I can't make Tom someone he's not. But maybe he could stretch. I'm just tired of feeling alone when I'm married.