So, what next?
The turning over of the new year has given new fire to my recent questioning of what the hell I'm doing with my life. I am having a hard time trying to figure out what I really want to do, who I want to be, in my heart, not based on what someone else thinks I should be doing or being. (I am well aware that this is totally a privileged, first world problem. But since that's where I'm at, I'm working with it.) I'm going to make a list and see whether that might make things clearer. At least having the questions clear should help.
1. Do I want to continue to be a Stay At Home Mom, or do I want to return to work?
a. If I decide to go back to work - full time or part time? (This will be at least partly dependent on how much I would make vs. cost of childcare.)
b. If I chose to back to work - do I start soon, or after I have my second child? (Am I going to have a second child?)
2. If I go back to work, what will I do?
a. Paralegal, Admin Assistant - unglamorous, but pay the bills and without emotional drama.
b. Therapist - I'd need to finish my internship hours, and I'd also have to learn to deal with the stress so I don't burn out aga
c. Doula - can be part time. I'd need training, and experience.
d. Midwife - I'd need much more training, to go back to school, and this would impact how much time I spend with Tai.
3. If I don't go back to work, what will I do?
a. Freelance writing - not much money, but I love writing. I would need to work at figuring out the logistics of freelance. Also, part time.
b. Non-paying writing - fun, low stress. But I'd have to learn how to value my writing without monetary feedback and how to carve out time.
c. Volunteering - There are many changes I'd like to see in our world, especially now that I'm a mother. I can put my time and effort into this.
Right now I feel like I'm not doing enough of anything. I feel like I don't stretch my intellect and creativity enough and that makes me short tempered with Tai. I also don't feel like I participate in community enough. I want to turn over a new leaf, I want to make a change. But I'm not sure where to start.
In other news, Tai is talking up a storm. This morning we were in bed and he said, "Watch Tai do big boom again." It was a real sentence! I love getting glimpses into what he's thinking about. We were sitting on the couch and he was sharing my spicy pumpkin seeds ("Not too spicy," Tai says) and he says "Tai on Santa's lap." For a minute I had no idea what he was talking about, until I saw the picture that I put on top of the TV. Tai, on Santa's lap. And when he woke up from his nap, he wanted me to read him the magazine I was checking out while I nursed him. He saw a picture of a drop of water on the page and when I said it was a 'drop', he stood up on the bed, then dropped down. He was being a drop! And then he said he was going to be a puppy human. He's so much fun - when he's not being a terror.
In still other news - why is it that I clean and clean and the house still looks just as messy when I finish as when I started?
1. Do I want to continue to be a Stay At Home Mom, or do I want to return to work?
a. If I decide to go back to work - full time or part time? (This will be at least partly dependent on how much I would make vs. cost of childcare.)
b. If I chose to back to work - do I start soon, or after I have my second child? (Am I going to have a second child?)
2. If I go back to work, what will I do?
a. Paralegal, Admin Assistant - unglamorous, but pay the bills and without emotional drama.
b. Therapist - I'd need to finish my internship hours, and I'd also have to learn to deal with the stress so I don't burn out aga
c. Doula - can be part time. I'd need training, and experience.
d. Midwife - I'd need much more training, to go back to school, and this would impact how much time I spend with Tai.
3. If I don't go back to work, what will I do?
a. Freelance writing - not much money, but I love writing. I would need to work at figuring out the logistics of freelance. Also, part time.
b. Non-paying writing - fun, low stress. But I'd have to learn how to value my writing without monetary feedback and how to carve out time.
c. Volunteering - There are many changes I'd like to see in our world, especially now that I'm a mother. I can put my time and effort into this.
Right now I feel like I'm not doing enough of anything. I feel like I don't stretch my intellect and creativity enough and that makes me short tempered with Tai. I also don't feel like I participate in community enough. I want to turn over a new leaf, I want to make a change. But I'm not sure where to start.
In other news, Tai is talking up a storm. This morning we were in bed and he said, "Watch Tai do big boom again." It was a real sentence! I love getting glimpses into what he's thinking about. We were sitting on the couch and he was sharing my spicy pumpkin seeds ("Not too spicy," Tai says) and he says "Tai on Santa's lap." For a minute I had no idea what he was talking about, until I saw the picture that I put on top of the TV. Tai, on Santa's lap. And when he woke up from his nap, he wanted me to read him the magazine I was checking out while I nursed him. He saw a picture of a drop of water on the page and when I said it was a 'drop', he stood up on the bed, then dropped down. He was being a drop! And then he said he was going to be a puppy human. He's so much fun - when he's not being a terror.
In still other news - why is it that I clean and clean and the house still looks just as messy when I finish as when I started?