the nothing
today was a real nothing sort of day, and i always find it hard not to beat myself up for that. i was actually pretty productive, but on projects that may or may not ever add up to anything fulfilling. i miss my old job and i'm so tired of missing my old job.
i'm trying hard to focus my efforts -- i want to work back into a situation where i feel like part of a team of people who support one another on their own paths toward ever-increasing awesomeness. i don't feel that now, and that always makes me question myself and what i'm doing -- could i be trying harder? could i change my situation by doing a better job of being the change i want to see? it seems faster and more effective to look elsewhere, but i still have the impulse to do things the hard way, as though there's some virtue in never walking away from a broken thing. if it's broken you must fix it -- otherwise it will keep being broken, and that's just not acceptable, because it affects other people too. it's irresponsible not to try and fix things that you see are broken.
will keep telling myself that it's not my job to try and fix everything, because it's not.
i'm trying hard to focus my efforts -- i want to work back into a situation where i feel like part of a team of people who support one another on their own paths toward ever-increasing awesomeness. i don't feel that now, and that always makes me question myself and what i'm doing -- could i be trying harder? could i change my situation by doing a better job of being the change i want to see? it seems faster and more effective to look elsewhere, but i still have the impulse to do things the hard way, as though there's some virtue in never walking away from a broken thing. if it's broken you must fix it -- otherwise it will keep being broken, and that's just not acceptable, because it affects other people too. it's irresponsible not to try and fix things that you see are broken.
will keep telling myself that it's not my job to try and fix everything, because it's not.