Delurking From My Shadows

[aubiecheex]

Hi all! I know that I said in my last post that I would update soon, but I got kinda busy...lol. Since my last post, I have moved into my new apartment, survived band camp, and made it through the first three weeks of class. The new pre-game is awesome. For anyone who hasn't seen it, I highly recommend getting to the LSU game early to see it. This has been the most hectic month of my life. I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. School is so mentally demanding and time consuming, band is way more physically demanding than it used to be (which is AWESOME!), and my personal life is, well, just emotionally demanding. First off, boys are still stupid. Two weeks ago, I thought I might have been wrong about boys, but sadly once again, I was proved correct. He was no different from any other boy. I honestly don't know if I believe in romantic love anymore. I don't know if I believe in soulmates anymore either. There was a time where no matter what anyone said to me, what happened to me, love existed. My "Prince Charming" was only waiting for me to find him, and then he would carry me off to live "Happily Ever After." *cough* Bullshit *cough* Apparently, I'm only wanted for what they think I might be good at. Not to mention the fact that boys only seem to like me when they're drunk. Doesn't say much for me, now, does it? This past weekend, I really examined my persona, and found some very disturbing things. First, I found that I really am a big dorky loser. One of my roommate's parents were in town, and we went to Beef O'Brady's after the game. I found myself talking about Wuthering Heights and "No Child Left Behind" for most of the dinner. Caroline's mom wanted to know about Wuthering Heights, and she was a teacher, so that's not what was so sad. The sad part is that I really, really enjoyed it. We had just won a ball game, I was going to a party that night, and I was absolutely in heaven talking to a parent (the ultimate authority figure) about one of the most boring books I've ever read. I can't even relax when I'm drunk...I still talk about politics, literature, current events, ect. What the hell is wrong with me? Then, to make things just "peachy keen," my mom calls me this evening and tells me that she and my dad are signing divorce papers tomorrow. They've been separated for a long time, and this is only a formality, but it is still hitting me pretty hard. I mean, this is it. It's final. Not that there was ever any chance of them getting back together, but this is like throwing the final handful of dirt on the grave that was their marriage. Any time a marriage ends is a sad time. My parents were married for 25 years...over half their lives. That sucks. I guess I just feel sad and lonely. I never really noticed it until today, but I really am very bitter and cynical. I talk about being that way a lot, but I really am. So much so that it's unhealthy. I feel like I'm in an eggshell, and the slightest thing is going to crack my "shell" and make me fall apart. Having said that, I want to share this with you. I got this from John Phillips's LJ and I thought it was pretty fitting of me at the moment:

THIS WAY UP
áAubiecheex has fragile contents which may break!
From Go-Quiz.com

That's irony at it's best. Anywho, I spent most of tonight talking to Joshua and drinking Cranberry tea. It really helped. I have to get used to this whole "opening up to other people" thing (I'm trying to cut the bullshit, Joshua...I'm trying...lol). I'm also trying to work on this inferiority complex that I have, but I have to take baby steps. Maybe tomorrow will be better!?! Anywho, I'm tired of bitching for tonight, and I know that you all are tired of listening, so I'll bid you goodnight. I'm going to leave you with the lyrics of Heaven Coming Down by The Tea Party. What a great Canadian band!!!

Always,
~Lindsey P.

Heaven Coming Down

With nothing to do you'd waste away
Obscured in exile
They've witnessed the times
You've gone astray
Whose fault? Now you're thinking...
Ah there's nothing to prove
A message from the crowd to the shore..

And it feels now
Just like heaven's coming down

So strange are the ways
They all have changed
Still life it stays the same
A break from the past
Could make it last
Oh maybe just a little longer
Now there's nothing to prove
A message from the crowd to the shore...

And it feels now
Just like heaven's coming down
Your soul shakes free
As its conscience hits the ground

You surrender
Love under will
Rest assured baby, you're adored

And it feels now
Just like heaven's coming down
Your soul shakes free
As its conscience hits the ground
These times, this fate
Takes a path you didn't choose
Stay strong, keep faith
There's a change that's coming through

Hold on, my love
Hold on, my love
Hold on, my love
Feels like heaven's coming down...