(no subject)
I can't stop thinking about you. Even worse, I can't stop talking about you. I don't know what's going on in my head. I can't understand. How is it that I only ever seem to want people who don't want me back? I'm panicking. I sit there and I think about what I did wrong, what put you off me. I go over and over all the few times i spent with you in my head, and I try and examine them to see what it meant. Did it mean anything? I feel like I need to ask you this just to stop myself becoming obsessed with you. it feels like what happened with A, but this time I have ground for my beliefs, because something actually happened.
Oh fuck fuck fuck. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm seeing R because I'm bored, but I don't care about it. I still sob on a regular basis about T, and you, you i just beat myself up over. it's made me want to start cutting myself again, just so I won't think about it anymore. I don't want it, I don't want it going round and round my head. I didn't even care about you before you kissed me. It hadn't even occured to me that I might more than just fancy you. It's not fair, It's not fair for you to do this to me. You obviously had no idea what a bag of shit you were ripping open, but I wasn't ready for it. The trouble is, you threw yourself at me and I started to believe that maybe I wasn't as useless and unlovable as I'd thought I was. T fucked me up, and you made me feel wanted again, like I wasn't a freak.
Can you blame me for not being able to get you off my mind? You're intelligent, you make me laugh, you made me feel wonderful, you turned me on, you made me think that I was worth having, and then suddenly, after all of that, you dropped me when you realised I might be getting the wrong idea. I just can't figure you out. I feel like an idiot. My heart leaps everytime you contact me, I shake when I see you, but I don't think I meana nything to you. I was just a mistake you made. You wanted a few shags and then you realised I was too mentally fucked up for that.
I'm such an idiot. i'm such a fool for falling for all that crap you were spewing. I actually thought I was cleverer than that. I actually thought I was smart. I need to forget about you, becuase It's not going to happen. But I want you. I can't stop thinking about you. See how my head works? A big fat circle. round and round and round.
Oh fuck fuck fuck. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm seeing R because I'm bored, but I don't care about it. I still sob on a regular basis about T, and you, you i just beat myself up over. it's made me want to start cutting myself again, just so I won't think about it anymore. I don't want it, I don't want it going round and round my head. I didn't even care about you before you kissed me. It hadn't even occured to me that I might more than just fancy you. It's not fair, It's not fair for you to do this to me. You obviously had no idea what a bag of shit you were ripping open, but I wasn't ready for it. The trouble is, you threw yourself at me and I started to believe that maybe I wasn't as useless and unlovable as I'd thought I was. T fucked me up, and you made me feel wanted again, like I wasn't a freak.
Can you blame me for not being able to get you off my mind? You're intelligent, you make me laugh, you made me feel wonderful, you turned me on, you made me think that I was worth having, and then suddenly, after all of that, you dropped me when you realised I might be getting the wrong idea. I just can't figure you out. I feel like an idiot. My heart leaps everytime you contact me, I shake when I see you, but I don't think I meana nything to you. I was just a mistake you made. You wanted a few shags and then you realised I was too mentally fucked up for that.
I'm such an idiot. i'm such a fool for falling for all that crap you were spewing. I actually thought I was cleverer than that. I actually thought I was smart. I need to forget about you, becuase It's not going to happen. But I want you. I can't stop thinking about you. See how my head works? A big fat circle. round and round and round.