It's gone
I just don't get it. I'm sitting here in my bed, with all of your stuff at the end of it and I cannot understand what happened. I mean, i know what happened but i can't understand why. I don't know when everything changed. I had such a feeling about you. I felt so sure that this would last for a while. I think i even began to fall in love with you a bit and then it all went wrong. But i don't know why. You just didn't seem to want me all of a sudden. I wasn't as wanted, i didn't feel as special and i panicked. the only thing i could do, because i didn't know how to understand you or trust you or know you, when you never talked to me. And I know that got you scared. Itried to explain to you so many times just how difficult it was for me, what i had going on inside my head that made me so sad. I even tried to explain what i needed from you, but you just wouldn't listen.
I'm so anrgy becuase you never took the time to consider me. You wanted this and you wanted that, and you wanted to be left alone, but somehow you forgot that you'd got me. You came and you piled all your stuff in my house and then you got bored of me. What was i to do? I tired so bloody hard to keep myself together, to keep myself calm. But it didn't matter to you. You wanted me for a time, and then you didn't want the hassle. You didn't want me to be anyone but the attractive girl you barely knew.
And i miss you so much. You said to me, 'it hasn't been fun for a while, it's making you unhappy, i can't be there for you, i don't want to be there for you, i don't care, w e have nothing in common, i want to be away all summer.'
Well why the hell did you want me in the first place? It's not fair that you came storming in, told me you'd look after me, told me you thought i was worth it, told me you didn't care what hell i'd caused, becuase you just wanted to be with me. Told me to trust you and then dropped it when you got bored. I don't understand what i did, other than try to be your girlfriend, as you said I was, as you said you wanted me to be.
And Ali says that you won't talk to anyone about me. You refused all help and left for Hampshire. She can't understand it either. She says that it feels like an argument that spiralled out of control, and that's what it is, its just that it stared a month ago, and because you hate talking, we never sorted it out. She thinks there's a chance if you take time out to consider things, you might realise what you've done. But i don't know, there's so much that you need to realise in order for you to see that i had a right to be angry, i think you won't get there. She said it was like you didn't know what you wanted, and she's right. I just wish you hadn't dragged me into it too. Did you ever realise how much i cared about you? God, I was so fragile and i tired and tried and tried to warn you, but you wouldn't listen.
The trouble is, i'm beating myself up about this, my head is swimming with the fact that i've been too much, i demand too much and no-one will ever want me because of it. Even when i try, i can't make it work. Lee says that it wasn't right, but i had such, such a feeling about you. I think you did too, but it's like that evaporated. I refuse to believe i made it up. It felt like you were the piece that fitted. and now i've got this huge empty hole and i either can't believe that it's really over, or it hurts so much that I don't know what to do.
I'm so anrgy becuase you never took the time to consider me. You wanted this and you wanted that, and you wanted to be left alone, but somehow you forgot that you'd got me. You came and you piled all your stuff in my house and then you got bored of me. What was i to do? I tired so bloody hard to keep myself together, to keep myself calm. But it didn't matter to you. You wanted me for a time, and then you didn't want the hassle. You didn't want me to be anyone but the attractive girl you barely knew.
And i miss you so much. You said to me, 'it hasn't been fun for a while, it's making you unhappy, i can't be there for you, i don't want to be there for you, i don't care, w e have nothing in common, i want to be away all summer.'
Well why the hell did you want me in the first place? It's not fair that you came storming in, told me you'd look after me, told me you thought i was worth it, told me you didn't care what hell i'd caused, becuase you just wanted to be with me. Told me to trust you and then dropped it when you got bored. I don't understand what i did, other than try to be your girlfriend, as you said I was, as you said you wanted me to be.
And Ali says that you won't talk to anyone about me. You refused all help and left for Hampshire. She can't understand it either. She says that it feels like an argument that spiralled out of control, and that's what it is, its just that it stared a month ago, and because you hate talking, we never sorted it out. She thinks there's a chance if you take time out to consider things, you might realise what you've done. But i don't know, there's so much that you need to realise in order for you to see that i had a right to be angry, i think you won't get there. She said it was like you didn't know what you wanted, and she's right. I just wish you hadn't dragged me into it too. Did you ever realise how much i cared about you? God, I was so fragile and i tired and tried and tried to warn you, but you wouldn't listen.
The trouble is, i'm beating myself up about this, my head is swimming with the fact that i've been too much, i demand too much and no-one will ever want me because of it. Even when i try, i can't make it work. Lee says that it wasn't right, but i had such, such a feeling about you. I think you did too, but it's like that evaporated. I refuse to believe i made it up. It felt like you were the piece that fitted. and now i've got this huge empty hole and i either can't believe that it's really over, or it hurts so much that I don't know what to do.