The Delivery
"I thought," Lex's teeth were gritted, "that the field you're generating made Clark's strength earth normal?"
"Sorry," Clark gasped, as another contraction tore through him, "it's hurting more than I thought...possible..."
"Can't you give him something for the pain?" Lex demanded.
"Not without unduly risking the well-being of your son. Kryptonian male labor is always a protracted process, he-who-is-Kal-El's-mate. We thought we explained that in a manner even your limited earth intelligence could comprehend."
"You did. I just didn't think protracted meant Clark going through more than 10 hours of contractions!"
Clark groaned. "I am never doing this again. Just so you know, Lex. In fact, I may never...FRELLING HELL!!!...have sex...ever...again!"
Theorizing that, if worst came to worst, the AI could probably replace his hand, Lex tried to breathe through the pain, and nodded. "Super Condoms."
"May..BEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! NEVER EVER GETTING NEAR ME AGAIN!" Clark tried to double-up as his muscles fought to expel the baby.
The AI, three-dimensional holographic instrumentation panels glowing in mid-air, just hummed.
"AI, can't we speed this up? While I still have a hand and at least the possibility of a sex life?"
"Oh, don't be such a wuss."
Lex's jaw dropped open. "Since when, may I ask, do you use words like "wuss"?"
"I caught it watching some horrible WB teen drama the other day," Clark said, grimacing.
There was a discernable snort from the AI. "We thought it would be good to absorb as much of the so-called culture of this backward rock, as possible, since it appears we are marooned here forever." More holographic instrumentation readouts appeared, and then the AI summed it up, "The hormone levels are taking longer than anticipated to precipitate. This sucks."
Lex wasn't sure what hurt more - the usually frostily precise and formal AI suddenly spouting slang, or the vice-grip Clark exerted on his hands every time a contraction tore through him. "What do you mean, the hormone levels are taking longer to precipitate? What the hell does that mean?"
"We would tell you, but your brain is far too small and simple to understand the explanation."
"AI, what. do. you. mean?"
"That the hormone levels are taking longer to precipitate than anticipated."
Lex resisted an almost overwhelming urge to stomp his feet and cry. "Try explaining that further."
"No."
"AI..."
"Lex," Clark interrupted, "just let it go."
"But if something is wrong, we need to know!"
"Nothing is wrong. We would inform you, in words of one syllable, if that were the case." The AI could be very snarky when it wished. "In any event, the hormone levels are now beginning to reach the required range."
Lex took a deep breath. "And?"
"The hormone levels are now reaching the required range, which is the most you could hope to understand, He- who-is-ascended-from-ugly-monkeys."
"Clark, as soon as Connor is here and I know you're both all right - I am dismantling this thing with my bare hands."
"Try it, monkey butt. We will eviscerate you."
Lex was not going to stick out his tongue. "No you won't - I'm Kal-El's mate. You can't harm me."
The AI made a snorgling sound. "What if we arranged an accident?"
Clark broke it up. "Knock it off you two! I'm trying to have a baby, remember? Lex, stop baiting the AI. AI - lay one drone tentacle or anything else on my husband, and I will dismantle you myself. Understood?"
Sulkily, it answered, "Very well." This was followed by a low mutter that Lex was certain sounded like "You never let us have any fun," but he probably was hallucinating.
Lex reached for his dignity and asked, "AI, if the hormones are at the right levels, we can do the C-section soon?"
"As soon as the proper hormonal levels are reached in both Kal-El and Connor's bodies, it may be done."
He really hated the AI. Lex ground his splendid teeth, and snapped, "And that will be how much longer?"
Displays winked in and out, faster than Lex could follow with his eyes.
"Now," the AI said, grudgingly, after five minutes of flashing graphics, "it is time."
"Thank god," Clark sounded winded, his face pale and sweating.
There were huge, dark circles under his eyes, and Lex silently vowed that he was never putting Clark through this agony again.
"If you will move so that you are standing just behind Kal-El's head, we will begin the procedure."
"Right." Lex moved as instructed.
Clark never let go of his hand.
"Are Mom and Helga on their way now?"
The AI deigned to answer. "We have taken the time to repair the transporter malfunction at their end. The one you refer to as "Mom" and the one we refer to as "The Boss," will be here in exactly 7.2 minutes."
"Why so long?" Lex couldn't stop himself from asking.
"The Boss's streudal exploded on exposure to the deutronium energy interface. This necessitated retrieving more."
"And?" Lex prompted.
"There was an earth creature known as a chipmunk nesting in the power cells. We wanted to vaporize it, but the Mom of Kal-El would not allow us to do so. We had to remove it carefully and release it into the wild." The AI snorfled a bit, then emitted something that sounded suspiciously like a sigh, "In consequence, we had to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, a slow process under the most optimal conditions. However, the problem is finally resolved, and they will be joining you shortly."
Clark groaned. "As long as they get here soon."
"We are numbing the immediate area, Kal-El. You should feel only pressure as we make the incision."
"Just do it," Clark gasped.
A long, thin beam of cool silvery purple light flashed out of one of the holographic displays, moving until it reached the top of the swell of Clark's distended abdomen. Moving without sound, it seemed to be drawing a line over the bulge created by the baby, then back up and over, several times.
"Are you OK?"
Clark nodded, "It's just pressure, that's all, and the contractions have stopped."
The beam winked out. "Now, he who is Kal-El's mate, you may remove your son."
"What?"
"We thought that you would prefer to do so, but if you like, one of our drones can..."
"No!" Lex shook his head to clear it, "No, I'll...what do I do?"
"We will fold back the skin and you will extract the baby. Then we will cleanse the child and he may be given to Kal-El to hold."
"Right. Clark, let go."
Clark seemed, understandably, dazed. "What?"
"My hand, I need my hand back," Lex was the one sweating now.
"Your...oh!" Clark pried his fingers off Lex's with some difficulty. "Sorry."
Lex, more relieved than he'd admit at that point, found he could move all his fingers, albeit painfully. "I'll, um...just..."
Hell.
They watched, fascinated, as folds of skin seemingly folded themselves back, then the AI directed a golden, wide-beam stream of light over Lex. "It is time."
Gingerly, Lex reached into, god, Clark and grasped a squirming, wriggling thing, "Is this right?"
"You have the child securely, remove him."
Lex pulled, finding, thankfully, little resistance. "Here we are, look Clark! It's our baby, it's Connor!" Half laughing, half crying, Lex gently laid Connor on the well-padded table that the AI produced out of thin air. "AI?"
"We will cleanse him," Rainbow hued beams completely encircled Connor, then just as quickly, these withdrew.
"Use the blanket Mom made for him," Clark said, and Lex wrapped the rich, yellow, receiving blanket around their son before placing him in Clark's arms.
"We will heal Kal-El now," the AI intoned.
Neither Clark or Lex was paying any attention, but Clark's own Kryptonian healing abilities now kicked in; within seconds there was no sign that he'd ever had an incision of any kind.
"Hello, Connor, I'm your Daddy," Clark was saying, soft-voiced, "and this, is your Daddy too."
Tentatively, Lex reached out and ran a careful finger over the fuzz of dark hair on Connor's head. "He's got your hair, thank god, not red."
"Connor is a perfect genetic mix of both of you," the AI informed them, "in exactly three point two weeks his eyes will assume their permanent shade of deep blue and his hair will have highlights that are, we believe, called auburn in your primitive language."
"There, you see," Lex pressed a kiss to his son's head, "you'll have my eyes and hopefully your Dad's heart."
Clark looked up, "Lex?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you."
TBC
"Sorry," Clark gasped, as another contraction tore through him, "it's hurting more than I thought...possible..."
"Can't you give him something for the pain?" Lex demanded.
"Not without unduly risking the well-being of your son. Kryptonian male labor is always a protracted process, he-who-is-Kal-El's-mate. We thought we explained that in a manner even your limited earth intelligence could comprehend."
"You did. I just didn't think protracted meant Clark going through more than 10 hours of contractions!"
Clark groaned. "I am never doing this again. Just so you know, Lex. In fact, I may never...FRELLING HELL!!!...have sex...ever...again!"
Theorizing that, if worst came to worst, the AI could probably replace his hand, Lex tried to breathe through the pain, and nodded. "Super Condoms."
"May..BEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! NEVER EVER GETTING NEAR ME AGAIN!" Clark tried to double-up as his muscles fought to expel the baby.
The AI, three-dimensional holographic instrumentation panels glowing in mid-air, just hummed.
"AI, can't we speed this up? While I still have a hand and at least the possibility of a sex life?"
"Oh, don't be such a wuss."
Lex's jaw dropped open. "Since when, may I ask, do you use words like "wuss"?"
"I caught it watching some horrible WB teen drama the other day," Clark said, grimacing.
There was a discernable snort from the AI. "We thought it would be good to absorb as much of the so-called culture of this backward rock, as possible, since it appears we are marooned here forever." More holographic instrumentation readouts appeared, and then the AI summed it up, "The hormone levels are taking longer than anticipated to precipitate. This sucks."
Lex wasn't sure what hurt more - the usually frostily precise and formal AI suddenly spouting slang, or the vice-grip Clark exerted on his hands every time a contraction tore through him. "What do you mean, the hormone levels are taking longer to precipitate? What the hell does that mean?"
"We would tell you, but your brain is far too small and simple to understand the explanation."
"AI, what. do. you. mean?"
"That the hormone levels are taking longer to precipitate than anticipated."
Lex resisted an almost overwhelming urge to stomp his feet and cry. "Try explaining that further."
"No."
"AI..."
"Lex," Clark interrupted, "just let it go."
"But if something is wrong, we need to know!"
"Nothing is wrong. We would inform you, in words of one syllable, if that were the case." The AI could be very snarky when it wished. "In any event, the hormone levels are now beginning to reach the required range."
Lex took a deep breath. "And?"
"The hormone levels are now reaching the required range, which is the most you could hope to understand, He- who-is-ascended-from-ugly-monkeys."
"Clark, as soon as Connor is here and I know you're both all right - I am dismantling this thing with my bare hands."
"Try it, monkey butt. We will eviscerate you."
Lex was not going to stick out his tongue. "No you won't - I'm Kal-El's mate. You can't harm me."
The AI made a snorgling sound. "What if we arranged an accident?"
Clark broke it up. "Knock it off you two! I'm trying to have a baby, remember? Lex, stop baiting the AI. AI - lay one drone tentacle or anything else on my husband, and I will dismantle you myself. Understood?"
Sulkily, it answered, "Very well." This was followed by a low mutter that Lex was certain sounded like "You never let us have any fun," but he probably was hallucinating.
Lex reached for his dignity and asked, "AI, if the hormones are at the right levels, we can do the C-section soon?"
"As soon as the proper hormonal levels are reached in both Kal-El and Connor's bodies, it may be done."
He really hated the AI. Lex ground his splendid teeth, and snapped, "And that will be how much longer?"
Displays winked in and out, faster than Lex could follow with his eyes.
"Now," the AI said, grudgingly, after five minutes of flashing graphics, "it is time."
"Thank god," Clark sounded winded, his face pale and sweating.
There were huge, dark circles under his eyes, and Lex silently vowed that he was never putting Clark through this agony again.
"If you will move so that you are standing just behind Kal-El's head, we will begin the procedure."
"Right." Lex moved as instructed.
Clark never let go of his hand.
"Are Mom and Helga on their way now?"
The AI deigned to answer. "We have taken the time to repair the transporter malfunction at their end. The one you refer to as "Mom" and the one we refer to as "The Boss," will be here in exactly 7.2 minutes."
"Why so long?" Lex couldn't stop himself from asking.
"The Boss's streudal exploded on exposure to the deutronium energy interface. This necessitated retrieving more."
"And?" Lex prompted.
"There was an earth creature known as a chipmunk nesting in the power cells. We wanted to vaporize it, but the Mom of Kal-El would not allow us to do so. We had to remove it carefully and release it into the wild." The AI snorfled a bit, then emitted something that sounded suspiciously like a sigh, "In consequence, we had to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, a slow process under the most optimal conditions. However, the problem is finally resolved, and they will be joining you shortly."
Clark groaned. "As long as they get here soon."
"We are numbing the immediate area, Kal-El. You should feel only pressure as we make the incision."
"Just do it," Clark gasped.
A long, thin beam of cool silvery purple light flashed out of one of the holographic displays, moving until it reached the top of the swell of Clark's distended abdomen. Moving without sound, it seemed to be drawing a line over the bulge created by the baby, then back up and over, several times.
"Are you OK?"
Clark nodded, "It's just pressure, that's all, and the contractions have stopped."
The beam winked out. "Now, he who is Kal-El's mate, you may remove your son."
"What?"
"We thought that you would prefer to do so, but if you like, one of our drones can..."
"No!" Lex shook his head to clear it, "No, I'll...what do I do?"
"We will fold back the skin and you will extract the baby. Then we will cleanse the child and he may be given to Kal-El to hold."
"Right. Clark, let go."
Clark seemed, understandably, dazed. "What?"
"My hand, I need my hand back," Lex was the one sweating now.
"Your...oh!" Clark pried his fingers off Lex's with some difficulty. "Sorry."
Lex, more relieved than he'd admit at that point, found he could move all his fingers, albeit painfully. "I'll, um...just..."
Hell.
They watched, fascinated, as folds of skin seemingly folded themselves back, then the AI directed a golden, wide-beam stream of light over Lex. "It is time."
Gingerly, Lex reached into, god, Clark and grasped a squirming, wriggling thing, "Is this right?"
"You have the child securely, remove him."
Lex pulled, finding, thankfully, little resistance. "Here we are, look Clark! It's our baby, it's Connor!" Half laughing, half crying, Lex gently laid Connor on the well-padded table that the AI produced out of thin air. "AI?"
"We will cleanse him," Rainbow hued beams completely encircled Connor, then just as quickly, these withdrew.
"Use the blanket Mom made for him," Clark said, and Lex wrapped the rich, yellow, receiving blanket around their son before placing him in Clark's arms.
"We will heal Kal-El now," the AI intoned.
Neither Clark or Lex was paying any attention, but Clark's own Kryptonian healing abilities now kicked in; within seconds there was no sign that he'd ever had an incision of any kind.
"Hello, Connor, I'm your Daddy," Clark was saying, soft-voiced, "and this, is your Daddy too."
Tentatively, Lex reached out and ran a careful finger over the fuzz of dark hair on Connor's head. "He's got your hair, thank god, not red."
"Connor is a perfect genetic mix of both of you," the AI informed them, "in exactly three point two weeks his eyes will assume their permanent shade of deep blue and his hair will have highlights that are, we believe, called auburn in your primitive language."
"There, you see," Lex pressed a kiss to his son's head, "you'll have my eyes and hopefully your Dad's heart."
Clark looked up, "Lex?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you."
TBC