The Atwood DIFTF: Generation 5, Chapter 5
HOLY SHIT WHAT EVEN IS THIS.... It's an Atwood chapter! :O
You guys, I am so very sorry for my long absence. I'll also apologize in advance because this chapter is fairly short. I mostly just wanted to get something out. Plus, there's a fairly big shift after the end of this chapter so it seemed like a good place to divide it. I think I'll be doing things this way for awhile though - shorter chapters, more text on each picture - because it helps me not to feel so overwhelmed by posting a chapter. That said, this chapter is about 2400 words (and 14 pictures) so I guess it's decently long. But that is enough talking about how long this is... time for the chapter!
Last time: Joey fought with her father Graham, something that's been incredibly common since Joey's mother Genie died when Joey was nine. Joey and the band (Bone Rocket) participated in their school's Battle of the Bands, and Graham forgot about it. Joey took this to mean that Graham really didn't care -- however, Graham had been busy preparing a dinner and trying to make a peace offering. Joey didn't know, but nothing Graham said would have helped.
Life in the Atwood house was never quite the same after Battle of the Bands. Joey had felt ever since her mother died that her father no longer had her back; yet somehow, having undeniable proof was still painful.
Their arguments were increasingly frequent. Anything Graham said could set Joey off. She thought of the months between now and when she turned 18 and hated the thought of every second.
“If you would just talk to me,” Graham would plead anytime Joey was in the room.
Sometimes the silent treatment was better than anything she could think of to say.
“It doesn’t have to be this way,” he’d continue. “I know you’re upset, and I know you’ve been furious with me ever since your mother died.”
She rolled her eyes and kept about her business. She almost considered skipping breakfast to avoid having him talk to her, but sometimes a girl just needed to eat.
“I just think if you came with me to my appointment, just one time, I think it could help!”
“You think I’m going to go to therapy with you?!” Joey finally snapped. “Because that’s fuckin’ deluded.”
“Joey, please,” Graham said. “You know it will help.”
“I don’t need any help,” Joey said shortly. “I’m fine.”
“I wish you would stop saying that, when you’re clearly not!”
“I’m not clearly anything!” Joey snapped. “You wouldn’t know the first thing about what I am right now! You’ve never understood, never, not for the last eight years and not now!”
“Joey-”
“Dad. In four months I’m going to graduate high school, and I’m going to move out, and then you’re not going to have to feel bad about me and how my shitty life is turning out anymore. Can you just please leave me the hell alone until then?”
After she had left to go wherever it was she was going, Graham would sit down almost numbly. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. He was sure that if he could get Joey to therapy, if he could finally help her address the issues she had so clearly been left with after her mother’s death-he knew it would help. After all, he had been in therapy for over a year now, and he was feeling healthier than he’d ever felt in his life.
For so many years he had made Genie the center of his world. For so long his life had been dedicated to her, being with her but also helping her, sitting with her when she didn’t want to leave the house and encouraging her endlessly when she felt inadequate and bringing her food when she didn’t want to eat. When Genie died, Graham took it as a sign that he had failed-his main job for almost his whole life had been protecting Genie, making her feel better, and even keeping her alive. But he had failed at that.
His therapist had been helping him to see how flawed this line of thinking was. Genie’s mental health should never have been Graham’s responsibility; and her death did not mean he had failed. Unfortunately, separating himself from the obligation to help Genie had brought to light many other responsibilities at which he truly had failed. One of those, of course, was ensuring that his daughter grew up happily and healthily. He had not done that-not at all. Parenting, something that he should have held himself accountable for, was an area where he had failed miserably.
* * *
“God am I glad to get out of that shitty outfit,” Joey griped, shrugging on a sweatshirt.
“Graduation gowns aren’t meant to be comfortable,” Ellie said wisely. She grinned. “You guys looked so adorable up there. My babies are growing up!”
“Just because we’re a year younger than you doesn’t make us children,” Jared said indignantly.
Shaun laughed. “I get that shit all the time.”
“Oh, whatever,” Ellie said. “You are actually over a year younger than me, so you really are a kid.”
“Are you saying I’m not, then? You only have eight months on me.” Jared made an exaggeratedly hopeful face.
“Not a chance, kid,” Ellie replied.
Jared sagged with pretend defeat, and Ellie laughed. Soon the rest of the band joined in.
Joey really couldn’t believe that the day had finally come. High school was over, she was legally an adult, and now she could be free.
Unfortunately, there was still one thing she was avoiding-she hadn’t told the band about how she wanted to move away. She was terrified that leaving Meadow Glen (something she absolutely had to do) meant leaving Bone Rocket, and she wasn’t sure she could handle that.
But the time was steadily approaching. She figured she could go at least until tomorrow before mentioning it. Tonight there were a whole round of parties to go to, and she didn’t want to kill the vibe.
“Do I look ok?” she asked nervously.
“Darling, I did your makeup,” Ellie said, “of course you look nothing less than stunning!”
Joey laughed. “Well, I love your dress, by the way.”
“Thank you, I bought it myself,” Ellie joked.
“Oh my gooooood,” they heard Shaun whine. “HURRY UP! Girls take forever to get ready, Jesus. I just want to party!”
Ellie laughed and called back, “Beauty takes time, my dear. You can’t rush greatness!”
Joey laughed. “Well, I think I’m ready.”
“Me too,” Ellie said quietly, grinning. “But if you apologize, they’ll only think they’re in the right for rushing us.”
“Fair enough,” Joey grinned. “Should we take five more minutes, just to make a point?”
Ellie considered it. “Yes, I think at least three more minutes.”
The girls giggled and went back to fussing over their hair.
By the end of the night, Joey was exhausted. She and the other members of the band walked with their arms around each others’ shoulders to hold themselves up as they made their drunken way home. They would crash in the garage-it was an unspoken agreement at this point.
“I’m not an angry drunk, am I?” Joey mumbled as they slipped into the garage and turned on a few lights.
“Of course not, you’re the best, you’re always the best,” Ellie said passionately.
“No but you’re angry like all the time,” Jared pointed out. “So it’s not that different when you’re drunk.”
“Shut the fuck up!” Joey shouted.
Shaun intervened. “You guys. We all just need to sleep. Quit aggravating each other.”
“I don’t care what you say,” Joey said. “I’m not an angry drunk.”
“You’re a drunk drunk, okay?” Shaun insisted. He was the most sober one of the group, as usual. Evan was on his way to a couch to pass out, while Ellie was busily finding pillows. “Here’s a sleeping bag,” Shaun continued, “now leave each other alone.”
Joey glared at Jared. “He’s the one who needs to learn to leave me alone.”
“You guys always do this when you’re drunk,” Shaun said, “and it’s getting really old. I don’t know why you piss each other off so much but can you just give it a rest for once? Today is supposed to be a celebration.”
“Yeah, celebrate!” Ellie shouted. “We did it!”
“You didn’t do a damn thing,” Shaun reminded her. “You graduated last year.”
“Shut up, sweetheart,” Ellie said. She used a lot of pet names when she’d been drinking. “I love you but you are such a downer.”
Shaun made a face. “All right then. I’m going to bed. You all can be as obnoxious as you want, just leave me out of it.”
“He’s right,” Joey said. “Let’s just sleep.” Tonight might be my last night with the band, she thought. She started to cry. I can’t leave them, even if they do get on my nerves. I can’t leave them.
She sat on her favorite couch and tried to push the negative thoughts out of her mind. It didn’t seem to be working. It was stupid the way she tried to drink to forget her problems. It never worked but she never learned.
“Hey,” Jared said, coming over to sit beside her. “What’s going on?”
Joey shook her head. “I’m just thinking too much.”
“Really? Usually you don’t think enough, right?”
“Shut up, Jared, you’re such a dick.”
“Hey, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah yeah.”
“Look, can we talk?”
“Now?” Joey grumbled. She examined the Sharpie lines on her left hand, where she usually kept a tally of how many drinks she’d had. They were smudged and unclear, but she saw at least six or seven lines there… she thought.
Jared glanced at her hand, too. “You know what? Never mind. Let’s talk tomorrow.”
“Good plan.”
Jared stood up, and Joey flopped over to try to sleep.
* * *
“How’s everyone feeling?” Joey began. She looked around at the faces of the band, the people who had been with her through it all. Everyone looked a bit ragged; they’d been to quite a few grad parties the night before, and it had to have been at least 4:00 a.m. when they’d gotten back to the garage.
There were grumbles and mumbles in response, though Shaun looked like he was doing fine. Joey grinned. She felt just as bad as they did. “Ok, good. Well. Thanks for coming to this very important band meeting, despite your conditions.”
“Band meeting?” Jared grumbled. “I thought we were playing Grand Theft Auto today.”
“This will only take a minute,” Joey promised. “I just wanted to talk to you guys about what comes next.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask that, too,” said Ellie.
“So, I’ll go first,” Joey said nervously. “I’m moving.” Well, better to just get it all out in the open, right?
“What?” Jared demanded. There were sounds of surprise from the others, although Ellie simply nodded. Joey knew she would understand, at least.
“Meadow Glen… sucks,” Joey said. “I hate it here. I can’t live here even another month. I want to go to Starlight Shores, or Bridgeport, somewhere a musician can actually make a living, or at least have a chance. Face it, you guys, Bone Rocket is doomed for failure if we stay here. Just because we made it big at Battle of the Bands in high school doesn’t mean shit in the real world.”
Shaun was nodding along. “She has a point.”
Ellie shrugged sadly. “You’re right,” she said. “But Jo, if you leave, are you asking us all to come with you?”
“I don’t know,” Joey said miserably. “I know it’s not fair of me to ask that of you, of any of you guys. Leave behind all your families and your lives. Just because that’s easy for me to do doesn’t mean it will be for you.”
“Damn right,” Jared muttered. “You think I’m going to leave my mom and sister to fend for themselves, you’re fucking crazy. Joey, I’m not moving halfway across the country just to chase the dream of being famous.”
“What?”
“Well, it’s not like we’re actually going to make it big, is it? What, you really thought we’d keep doing Bone Rocket after high school?”
Joey stared at him, speechless. Well, yes, I did… Where is this coming from?
“Jared, what are you saying?” Ellie demanded. “Has this all been a joke for you?”
“A joke? Of course not,” Jared said. “Of course I took it seriously while it was happening, but I always knew it had an expiration date. You guys have been kidding yourselves if you didn’t see that too.”
“Don’t be an asshole,” Evan said, speaking up for the first time. “Just because you’re too much of a pussy to give this a shot in the real world doesn’t mean the rest of us are.”
“I’m not a pussy,” Jared said, his voice rising, “you’re all just delusional idiots from a small town who think they can make it big if they just move to fucking Starlight Shores!”
“Maybe we can, Jared, you have no idea either until we try it!” Ellie insisted.
“Oh, I have no idea?” Jared demanded. “How many of you have ever lived outside of this town? Huh? Yeah, I thought so, none of you. I’m the only one who’s been anywhere or done anything other than live in this shithole and you guys are naive if you think the rest of the world is going to be like this place. In the real world, nobody cares about you, nobody helps you out if you’re struggling. You run out of money? Tough, you don’t get to eat that month. You can’t pay rent? Too bad, time to live on the fucking street.”
Joey stared at him. She realized she knew almost nothing about Jared, listening to him talk right then. Is he saying he’s been homeless before?
“Jared,” Shaun said, finally breaking the icy silence in the wake of Jared’s tirade. “Look, man, I’m sorry about everything you’ve been through. It’s never happened to me, but I get that it had to’ve been difficult for you. No one is saying it wasn’t. Okay? But moving to the city doesn’t mean Joey, or anyone, is going to be in a situation that bad. It’s not a death sentence.”
Jared glared around at the four others. “Well, fine, if it’s going to be so magical and you’re all going to be instantly famous, then fine. Have fun doing Bone Rocket. I don’t want any part of it.”
Joey’s heart sank. Of all the band members, she had wanted Jared to come along with her the most. Sure, he was abrasive, sometimes pretentious, really not that nice… but he was loyal, and smart, and-she’d thought-just as passionate about music as she was. Maybe I was wrong about that.
For once, however, Joey didn’t have it in her to fight back. “That’s fine,” was all she said.
Ellie, Shaun, and Evan turned simultaneously to stare at her. Their expressions looked something like utter disbelief.
“Fine?” Shaun asked after a moment. “That’s all you’re going to say?”
“I’m tired of bickering,” she said. “And I’m glad to finally know where you really stand,” she added coldly, looking directly at Jared. He shifted uncomfortably and looked away. “If Bone Rocket is really that disposable to you, then that’s fine. And if none of you end up coming with me, that’s fine too. But there’s no reason to be a complete asshole about it.”
Ellie hummed sadly.
“I just wanted you all to know the deal,” Joey concluded. “I’m looking for apartments out there effective immediately. If any of you are interested in coming along, let me know.” She stood up. “That’s it for the band meeting,” she said, reflecting sadly that it would probably be the last one.
~ ~ ~
Aaaaaand that's it for now. I hope it didn't feel too short! Also, if any of you have issues seeing the images (like if they're way too big for your screen) will you let me know? I've been fiddling with settings on imgur and I'm not sure I have it quite right yet. But yeah, let me know what you thought! What are your hopes for Joey? Excited for the new segment of her life? (I know I am... I'm hoping it'll be easier to write too, hahah) Thank you guys for your patience with my terribly slow posting schedule! I'm hoping to get back into it more, but I don't want to make empty promises. So thank you for reading anyways! <3