The Atwood DITFT: Generation 5, Chapter 2
Author's Note: Well, jeez guys. It's been a really long time since I last posted this legacy. I'm sorry for that! I've been working a lot, and on vacation, and honestly just not excited about playing through the stuff I planned on putting my sims through. I'm sure that really makes you want to read the chapter :P No, it had a lot to do with my friend's death which I believe I've talked about enough. So lately I've been inspired to go back and work on this family, finally! I'm very excited about the arc I've been planning for Joey. I hope you guys like this chapter!
The Atwood DITFT: Generation 5, Chapter 2
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Also, since last chapter was so long ago, you might want to refresh your memory? (Oh man that was two months ago I'm so sorry...)
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“Graham, I really think you should get her in therapy. Yourself, too, but I know I can’t convince you of that,” Jackie’s voice said over the phone.
Graham sighed. His sister could be so stubborn. It had been 3 years since Genie’s death, and he and his daughter were doing just fine. They didn’t need any help. “Jackie, she hasn’t brought anything up to me in almost a year now. She’s doing well in school, she has her same little friends, she’s fine.”
“No twelve-year-old girl is ‘fine’ after losing her mother,” Jackie insisted. “You must just not be seeing it. Maybe she’s afraid to talk to you about it.”
“Jack, you don’t even have kids,” Graham said irritably.
“That just makes me less blind than you,” his sister replied. “Graham, I know you want to believe the two of you are fine, but you’re just not. Does Joey still have her nightmares? Do you even know the answer to that question? You’re avoiding her because she reminds you of Genie, and you’re ignoring her grief and your own. You have to face it sometime.”
“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” Graham snapped. “Joey and I are doing fine without anyone’s help. Can we please put this to rest?”
Jackie paused for awhile. “Fine,” she said. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Thanks.”
“I better go, I think I hear Trix getting home,” Jackie said. Bellatrix was Jackie’s wife. “I’m going to call you again in a few days, though, okay?”
“Okay.”
After she hung up the phone, Jackie immediately picked it up again to call Beth, their third triplet. “Graham needs an intervention, now.”
* * *
“I don’t really want to go,” Joey said irritably.
“I don’t really want you to, either,” Graham said, “but your aunts won’t leave me alone about it. They seem to think you’re in desperate need of help.”
“I’m fine,” Joey said. “I’m not even sad.”
“Of course you’re sad,” Graham said. “It’s normal to be sad about things like this.”
“I’m not,” Joey insisted. “I promise.”
Graham considered this. Maybe she did need help, after all. Why wouldn’t she admit to being sad? “Let’s just do one appointment, okay? Then we can tell Aunt Beth and Aunt Jackie that you went, and be done with it.”
“Fine,” Joey said. “But I’m really not sad.” She refused to admit to it. If she didn’t, then maybe it wouldn’t be true.
The appointment didn’t go very well. The therapist focused on getting Joey to verbalize her feelings and open up to him about her grief. Joey focused on completely denying feeling anything. Sadness was not to be felt anymore. Chronic sadness was dangerous; it had killed her mother. Genie died three years ago, and Joey should not be sad about it anymore. So she wasn’t. Or that’s what she told everyone-and herself.
* * *
Joey was on the brink of her 14th birthday when she started hanging out with the band. “The band” was a collection of teenagers who were, in her opinion anyway, the epitome of cool.
She wasn’t sure how they had heard of her. After all, she never played piano in front of anyone. But her friends Margo and Carrie knew about her love for the instrument, so maybe the word had gotten out that way.
Whatever the case, the head of the band, Jared, approached her on their last day of middle school.
“Hey, you,” he said. “Josephine?”
Joey had narrowed her eyes at him. “Joey,” she said curtly.
“Oh, sorry. Joey. Listen, me and a few buddies are thinking about starting a band when we get to high school in the fall. And we were thinking it would be cool to have a piano player in it. Word is you’re pretty good at that. I’m Jared, by the way.”
Joey looked at him, calculating. “A band, huh?”
“Yeah. It would be really cool.” Jared gave a smirk, looking pretty convincingly cool.
“Well,” said Joey, “I don’t usually play in front of people.”
“Don’t worry, we wouldn’t perform in front of anyone for awhile. We’d have to get good first. Maybe produce an album. Then we can go on tour. You’ll have plenty of time to practice.”
Joey smirked right back, using that to hide her nerves. She hated playing in front of people; she doubted she could just get over it like that. But she couldn’t let Jared know that. He was the first cute boy ever to talk to her, and he was inviting her to hang out! “Well, all right,” she said. “You gonna pay me?”
“Equal share in any of the profits,” Jared promised. “As long as you fork over money for making an album just the same as everyone else.”
“You have a deal.”
* * *
The band - who didn’t have an official name yet - consisted of 4 other teenagers. Besides Joey, there was Jared, the uncontested leader and main guitarist;
Shaun, the strong-willed bassist;
Evan, the drummer, who always seemed both very reserved and plain old pissed off;
and Ellie, the only other girl, and the lead singer. Ellie was two years older than Joey and the oldest member of the band. She was Shaun’s next-door neighbor, and the two of them had kind of come as a unit.
During their first practice, Joey immediately saw why each member had been picked. She had to admit, she was impressed by all of them-but especially Ellie.
Ellie had the most beautiful voice Joey had ever heard. It reminded her of someone who would be hired to sing the national anthem at the Super Bowl, or something like that. She was stunning, and Joey was in awe.
Unfortunately, Joey didn’t do quite as well as the others. Though she hoped she could play it off as being ‘mysterious’ or private, the truth was she had terrible stage fright. She could read the notes on the sheets they had given her-she had taught herself to read music at age nine, after all-but she couldn’t get her shaky hands to cooperate with what she was telling them to do.
After practice, Ellie approached her. “Hey.”
Joey buried her face in her hands. “Don’t even say it.”
“Say what?” Ellie demanded. “Shit, kid, you’re fuckin’ great.”
Joey looked up nervously. She was caught off guard as much by the compliment as by the language delivering it. No one in her life spoke that way-not her other friends, and certainly not her father. “Th-thanks,” she stammered out.
“I’m serious,” Ellie said. “You’ve never seen that sheet music before, right?”
Joey shook her head.
“Well, I don’t think I heard you hit one wrong note, and that, kid, is fuckin’ incredible.”
Joey laughed nervously. “You’re crazy, I could hardly-”
“Shh,” said Ellie, pressing a finger to Joey’s lips. “Don’t disagree with compliments. It’s unbecoming of a lady.” She laughed breezily, then stood up and waltzed away. Joey just stared after her, totally amazed.
Later, they were lounging on a couch in the garage where they practiced, Shaun attempting to hook up the crappy old TV they'd found at a yard sale. Joey watched idly, her mind a thousand miles away.
Jared plopped himself down next to her. “Hey, Miss Head-in-the-Clouds,” he teased.
Joey started and looked at him. “Oh… sorry.”
“No worries, man,” Jared said easily. “Hey, just wanted to say thanks for joining the band. It’s rad that it actually worked out. And dude, you’re actually really good. I’m glad I asked you.”
Joey blushed, and began to protest before remembering Ellie’s earlier words. “Well, thanks,” she said instead.
“You’re welcome. I gotta know, man, where did you learn to play?”
The words were out of Joey’s mouth before she even really recognized what she was saying. “My mom taught me.” A complete lie, of course. Joey hadn’t thought to touch the piano until Genie was already… well…
“Nice,” Jared said.
Joey wondered if he knew the story. Everyone in town must, right? It had been big news. That was one of her least favorite memories of the whole thing-the reporters hounding her father, even following her sometimes. As if she didn’t have enough to think about…
She figured Jared must know about it.
“That must have been fun for you guys,” Jared continued, and his tone, and the past tense, said that he did know the story.
“Yeah,” Joey said. She didn’t feel like saying much more on that topic, especially because she had just lied about it. Luckily, Jared didn’t press the issue.
* * *
The band got better and better as the months went by. The kids were really developing their skills and had even written a song or two together.
During one practice, Joey suddenly felt…damp.
“I’ll be right back,” she announced to no one in particular, standing up and hurrying to the bathroom. I didn’t even have to pee, did I seriously just…?
Once she had her pants down, she realized what was really going on. Oh, shit, oh my God, not HERE, not in Jared’s house, are you serious? She had no idea what to do. She had never been prepared for getting her first period-for goodness’ sakes, all she had was a depressed father! As if anyone would have prepared her for this!
“Oh, God, what do I do? Who do I even talk to?” she mumbled to herself. As if it was really a question. There was only one female anywhere near her, and although she and Ellie had never been that close, she was the obvious choice. Like Joey was just going to go ask Evan for help. Ha!
Hurriedly stuffing some toilet paper down there and hoping that would suffice for now, Joey rushed back into the garage where the band had been taking a break from practicing. If I even knew a LITTLE what I was supposed to do about this… she despaired. She was sure her face was bright red, but she sidled up to Ellie and whispered, “Can you come with me for a sec?” God, this is horrible, this is horrible, I hate this!
Ellie made a face that clearly meant, What the fuck? but followed her younger friend back to the bathroom.
“Ellie, please help me,” Joey moaned. “I’m… I mean, I just got… I’ve never had my… well, do you have anything for…?”
Ellie stared for a second and then got it. “Oh my God, did you just get your period for the first time?!” And she had the nerve to burst out laughing.
Joey felt more like crying. She had to whisper to keep it from showing in her voice. “Do you have any… stuff?”
Ellie’s face sobered. “Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh. I mean I guess no one has ever…” She stopped quickly at the expression on Joey’s face. “Right. Um, do you seem like you’re having any cramps? Because I’ve got Advil, that’s the only pain meds that work for me.” She whipped out her bag and began to dig through it.
“I-I don’t think I have cramps,” Joey said uncertainly. “I’d know, right?”
“Trust me, Jo, you’d know.” Ellie dug around a little more in her bag, and whipped out several items wrapped in pink plastic. “And you’re a lucky bitch, if you don’t have them. Anyway, I’m not sure if you can use tampons yet, but pads are fine. Here’s one of each. Um, can you-like do you think you can use that without help?” She looked absolutely unimpressed with the idea of helping Joey use a tampon.
“Oh, God, I’ll just take the pad,” Joey moaned.
Ellie looked incredibly relieved as she put the tampon back in her bag.
“Thank you,” Joey whispered as Ellie made to leave.
“No problem, kid,” Ellie replied. “Oh,” she said, turning around. “Later, soak the underwear in cold water. Maybe a little detergent. Blood should come right out.”
“You learn that from being a secret agent?” Joey asked, trying to joke in spite of her horrifically embarrassing situation.
“I couldn’t let my side job assassinating criminals ruin all my good clothes,” Ellie replied with a wink. Then she left.
Joey went to fix the problem by herself, and though she was immeasurably grateful for Ellie’s help, she couldn’t help but wish her mother had been here to guide her through this. What a weird time to cry about that, Joey thought to herself as tears slid down her cheeks, all because I have no clue how to use tampons and my mom would be the only one who could show me. But what other event was more symbolic of becoming a woman? And why did Joey have to learn about pads and tampons and Advil and cold water for stains from Ellie? Why wasn’t Genie here to teach her instead? What other time could a girl possibly need her mother as badly as Joey needed hers now?
* * *
It was very early the next morning. Joey had stolen quietly down through the farmhouse, skipping the steps that creaked, avoiding the doors whose hinges groaned, and finally stepping out the back door onto the porch. Of course, she didn’t really have to sneak to get out of the house. Her father’s room was on the top floor, and he slept like a log these days. He never even heard me when I used to cry from my nightmares, she reminded herself as she stepped barefoot across the grass, which crunched quietly underfoot, stiff with frost.
In fact, a nightmare was what had woken Joey this morning. She had them almost every night-she always had. They had certainly gotten worse since Genie died, though, and more emotional now that she had to see her dead mother every night.
Joey wanted to be alone with her mother this morning, which was why she had taken such pains to move silently through the house. Mornings were her father’s best times, and usually when the two of them would care for the horses. Joey would tend to her duties later; for now, she needed to do this.
She knelt in the grass under the great weeping willow. Chipmunks played nearby, oblivious. Biting her lip, she reached out a hand and brushed her fingers across the headstone in front of her. “Hello,” she whispered.
There were times like this every once in awhile. She would think she had everything under control, that she was fine, that she didn’t really need a mother after all. And then something would happen, her last day of elementary school, buying her first bra, having her first crush on a boy, getting her period… and she would know how horribly wrong she and her father were for thinking that any girl could be all right without her mother.
Tears poured down her face, silent as the pink dawn, and as she allowed herself to feel the grief that she usually pushed down, quiet sobs racked her body and left her shuddering.
She only moved when a soft bar of sunlight touched her face. Breathing deeply to steady her pulse and her breaths, she exhaled shakily. “I miss you, Mom,” she said softly. “I had to look online to understand tampons. I wish you were here. I wish we could go get chocolate ice cream together and you could say something silly about me being a real woman now. It’s not true, though. I’m not a real woman. I have no idea how.”
Before she stood, she turned her attention to the other gravestones nearby. “Charlie, Sam,” she whispered. “I love you. I hope Mom’s helping you guys out, wherever you all are.”
The horses helped. Joey made her way to the barn as the sun rose, carefully grooming both Lucy and Clyde, and letting them both out to pasture. The horses were her connection to her mother-just as the piano was-and she cherished her mornings with them.
“I know you miss Mom too, don’t you?” she asked Lucy. The old horse nickered in response, and Joey smiled, though her eyes were full of tears. “Yeah. Me too, girl.”
* * *
Graham was writing poetry now. He wasn’t really getting dressed, but that didn’t matter.
He wasn’t painting, either. That required joy, he thought.
With photographs of Genie in front of him and the TV on in the background, it almost felt like she was still here.
* * *
Margo and Carrie met Joey at the park downtown later that week. The band had decided to take a day off of practicing, and Joey was excited to see her old friends.
“God, it’s been too long!” Carrie lamented as she ran to hug Joey.
“Seriously, this band thing is a big commitment, huh,” Margo observed.
“Yeah,” Joey said sheepishly. “I’m sorry I don’t see you guys more.”
“No, no!” Margo said breezily. “You’re getting famous now. We understand. Just don’t forget to get us in on the limo rides and free drinks at clubs and stuff.”
“Yeah right,” Joey said. “We’re fifteen, first of all. And I’m absolutely nowhere near famous.”
“Okay,” Carrie said, nodding but giggling at the same time. “Now, you have to tell us everything about Jared McAllister!”
Joey was taken aback. “Jared McAllister? As in, In-My-Band Jared?”
“Duh!” Margo said. “Hottest-Guy-Ever-and-Also-Plays-Guitar Jared!” She glanced over at Carrie, and they both sighed dreamily.
“Oh my God, you guys only wanted to see me so I could tell you about Jared?” She laughed in spite of herself. This was so like her friends. “You guys are such girls!”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Carrie said lightly. She swatted Joey playfully on the arm. “Seriously, though, what’s new?”
Joey sighed. “Actually, I did have something to tell you guys about.” She started in on the horribly embarrassing story of getting her first period.
Her friends were very sympathetic, as she had known they would be. They instantly insisted on going to get ice cream, and the three of them swapped stories about “becoming a woman” the whole way there. There’s a benefit of being a late bloomer, Joey thought to herself. I don’t have to be the first to deal with stuff like this.
And, biting her lip as the thought crossed her mind unbidden, she realized, it’s almost like having a mother around.
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Well guys, that's chapter 2! I'm pretty happy with how this one turned out :) Let me know what you thought! I'm hoping I won't be too insensitive or, I don't know, totally oblivious to what grieving is like. I've never lost someone quite as close to me as what Joey is experiencing right now, so I'm sure I won't get it perfectly right. I've, uh, read a lot about grief and loss and suicide, though, on the internet and for some of my classes... so I guess there's that. Anyway feel free to critique this or offer suggestions or anything like that! Thanks for reading, guys! Hope you're still there, after two months of nothing :P
<3