Not Exactly Meant For Public Knowledge But WTF!
Come this January it will be two years since I last had sex! It just hit me like a blinding white flash. ***Code BLUE** ***CODE BLUE*** ***Howard, it has been two years*** ***I repeat, Howard, it has been two years since you had it going on*** I haven't really thought about it until the screaming in my head stopped, and I realized it was me. Well I
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Having sex is NOT about getting laid. Sex is tied 100% to self esteem, and we all know that you've been questioning that aspect of your life.
Do I look good? Do I deserve to be happy? Does that person even WANT me in their life...even for just an hour?
I'm sure your parts work just fine, Mike. Truth is, and this is just my being curious, I suspect that every time you think about the agrocrag, a certian little boy's face pops into your head and you begin wondering about responsibility, obligation, commitment and the trials/tribulations you've been dealing with the past year or so. If this is true, then no wonder you haven't tried to get laid! Who would want to subject themselves to that kind of pressure just to bust a nut?
Now, in the TMI department, I will say this: Every time I consider looking for some action, I am suddenly thinking to myself - who the fuck would want to sleep with you??? Jesus, you're old (not really), fat (not really) hairy (kinda) and who in God's name would want to get close to you?
My parts work fine...too fine dammit...but have self esteem issues pretty much keeps my libido in check...or at least keeps it to confined to me, myself and I. At least that's a 3-way I can live with guilt-free.
When the time comes and you find someone you are comfortable with, who feels the same way, it'll be time to make a decision...a choice...you are not one who HAS to wait...but one of the enlightened few who CHOOSES to.
Good for you, Mike!
Now, if you don't mind, I'll go find a dark corner to blush in...yes...BLUSH...get your mind outta the gutter! :)
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I am just shocked at the time span. My insides work differently than most, but that doesn't mean my outsides have to follow suit. You are right about the tape recorder in my mind. Without fail, everytime I think about what happened I am repelled from the idea. Hard times makes the libido go down! Sigh.. That esteem part too. That's hitting the nail on the head on all accounts.
And, you know, I would expect some frustration from this, but I can't even remember what it's like. I have heard it's like riding a bike. But I think it's more like riding a bike on a BMX course, and that takes skill to negotiate. Ah all this lost human capital! It's sad.
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