For the time
I have two gears lately...depressed or angry. Why? Why do I feel this way? I don't know. I am tensed up, not enjoying anything, and looking at everything for an attack from somewhere. So yeah I guess paranoid too. Looks like dysthymia strikes again. This time it is different I have a job to worry about and classes are coming up. Restless,
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Self esteem comes from listening to your friends and loved ones tell you that you're pretty special...even when you don't believe it...but in your heart really WANTING to believe it.
Self esteem comes from remembering all the beautiful things you have created in your life...the positive things you have given to strangers and, as corny as it sounds, those random acts of kindness you perform when you really don't have to. It is recognizing that, sometimes, you don't WANT to be kind, you WANT to be selfish...and realizing that this, too, is okay, because you know that you aren't in that mode of thought most of the time.
Comment: Mike, you already are a hero...you don't have to try. Being a hero isn't something you set out to do...it is simply who you are. Did you HAVE to shave your head for a bunch of sick, bald strangers you don't know who, to be honest, might not be around much longer anyway? What you did, from a self-defacing point of view, was get a hair cut. What REALLY happened is that, but offering to shave your head for this cause, you inspired people across the country to give to a charity that is fighting to discover a cure to save the lives of some of these people...and kids who haven't even been born yet. I'm so proud of you, Mike. I wouldn't have given to the cause if I didn't believe in it or your efforts to raise awareness in the organization. THAT is what makes a hero...that is builds self-esteem. Not what I say...but believing in the good you do...and wanting to do more.
My best friend often says that one man can't change the world, but one man can change HIS world and those around him...and THAT can lead to more people changing their worlds...which can, eventually, change the entire world view.
He's right.
I'm glad you're more than hanging on...that you have a foot hold and that you are on your way. Just remember that no one goes his way alone and we are all here if you feel yourself getting tired or overwhelmed. Goodness knows I depend on my friends a great deal and I'm glad to do it! They appreciate it as well, believe it or not...although if they have to hear me say my writing sucks one more time, I'm sure they'll shoot me. :\
Merry Christmas, Mike. May they be safe, warm and filled with love.
Joe
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