No Room for Dessert
The more I look to hope the farther the hope's objects moves from me. There has never been just one thing, but it is a series of things leading a root substantial enough to call it a cause. My plate is full and I have enough to deal that dessert will not be an option for me.
David my roommate suggests that I just focus on what is important. It's a great plan, but thinking past my heart has become a tricky deal lately.
This Wednesday I am going to Alabama to begin what I hope will start a positive relationship with my son. I am not nervous or scared. I have prepared for every possible outcome, and if a downside risk should arise I will know how to brace for it. I just want to have an amiable relationship with the mother, so this will not be so hard. But I am ready to dive in with both feet on this. I think this will be a gigantic unknown that will change most of what I see in life. Yup its that big, but I am looking forward to the change. This cannot be a bad thing at all. I am going to see my son, and I will (hopefully) have some sense of a just outcome. That's why I am not worried. I am more worried about over things I cannot control...
I called her today, because she would be the person I turned to when things were happening. But it kicked up some feelings, and made me want to grasp for an answer on us. I am getting over a relationship it is tough to talk to each other so soon. I want to realize that if things are going to get better then I should give it plenty of time and just let it be. Maybe even not think about it so much, and have fun. But then I would be trying too hard. I'm just going to be patient and wait for myself to get over it. In the mean time I would like spend time being around other people. I realize the more I am out, and not stewing in my apartment the better I feel.
I am seriously worried about my social skills.Though last Friday I was doing fine before got really drunk. There is something about having a steady relationship that makes me get away from the social scene. I guess I need to take a clearing breath and throw myself out there and see what I come up with. I realize at my age there are limited opportunities to be social, and a lot of friends will be leaving after this semester. I am trying to decide were I can be social other than bars. I think my options are church and alumni groups. I am not sure what to do here, but I need to draw up some plans to exercise my social muscles a little.
In other news, my roommate recently discovered an open bag of rotting uncooked meat under his bed. For several days we were playing find that smell with no luck. I was going crazy trying to find the source of the stench. I bleached the garbage cans, and cleaned under everything in the living room and kitchen. But today after Dave started to feel better we attacked the problem with renewed vigor and realized that we have at least one asshole for a friend. I know who it was, and there will be a day of reckoning for sure. Oh mark my words there will be a day.
H out
David my roommate suggests that I just focus on what is important. It's a great plan, but thinking past my heart has become a tricky deal lately.
This Wednesday I am going to Alabama to begin what I hope will start a positive relationship with my son. I am not nervous or scared. I have prepared for every possible outcome, and if a downside risk should arise I will know how to brace for it. I just want to have an amiable relationship with the mother, so this will not be so hard. But I am ready to dive in with both feet on this. I think this will be a gigantic unknown that will change most of what I see in life. Yup its that big, but I am looking forward to the change. This cannot be a bad thing at all. I am going to see my son, and I will (hopefully) have some sense of a just outcome. That's why I am not worried. I am more worried about over things I cannot control...
I called her today, because she would be the person I turned to when things were happening. But it kicked up some feelings, and made me want to grasp for an answer on us. I am getting over a relationship it is tough to talk to each other so soon. I want to realize that if things are going to get better then I should give it plenty of time and just let it be. Maybe even not think about it so much, and have fun. But then I would be trying too hard. I'm just going to be patient and wait for myself to get over it. In the mean time I would like spend time being around other people. I realize the more I am out, and not stewing in my apartment the better I feel.
I am seriously worried about my social skills.Though last Friday I was doing fine before got really drunk. There is something about having a steady relationship that makes me get away from the social scene. I guess I need to take a clearing breath and throw myself out there and see what I come up with. I realize at my age there are limited opportunities to be social, and a lot of friends will be leaving after this semester. I am trying to decide were I can be social other than bars. I think my options are church and alumni groups. I am not sure what to do here, but I need to draw up some plans to exercise my social muscles a little.
In other news, my roommate recently discovered an open bag of rotting uncooked meat under his bed. For several days we were playing find that smell with no luck. I was going crazy trying to find the source of the stench. I bleached the garbage cans, and cleaned under everything in the living room and kitchen. But today after Dave started to feel better we attacked the problem with renewed vigor and realized that we have at least one asshole for a friend. I know who it was, and there will be a day of reckoning for sure. Oh mark my words there will be a day.
H out