(no subject)
So I'm back... at least for a little while... and with a vengeance.
This semester has flown by. I think I say that every time, but it's true. They have gotten progressively faster and faster, to the point where they have all begun to blur together. My horrendous memory can't distinguish between Fall and Spring anymore.
I feel like I've been running and running and running and the gas tank is on empty, but somehow I'm still going. I don't even have a huge load this semester, I just feel so incredibly run down and close to breaking. My senior recital is just around the corner - literally, 9 days from now. It's scaring the absolute shit out of me. I have a big research paper due on that same day, that I haven't even begun. There is this list of things to do that keeps knocking at my brain and I keep shoving them away, thinking, not yet, not yet, please not yet. I should be working on my lesson plan and evaluation to turn in tomorrow, but what am I doing? Documenting my troubled mind. How cathartic.
I think my BC is having some adverse affects on me. I'm tired all the time. Like, really seriously fucking tired. To the point where I almost fall asleep in class or in Block. I just feel like crashing. I've been working out like a demon to try and combat this but it doesn't seem to be helping. I've actually started taking naps in the afternoon. NAPS! I get an average of seven to eight hours of sleep a night, and I'm taking naps! My stress levels have been pretty high, so that may be a factor. It's worrisome. I do everything correctly, so when something goes wrong, it makes me scared, which totally adds to the IMPENDING SENSE OF DOOM!!! thing I have going on right now.
My moods are through the roof. It's mind-blowing. I have been snapping at the stupidest things lately. Today this idiot in the music building (whom I already dislike intensely) called me Steen again, and I fucking HATE IT when people call me that, and I went absolute Mega-Bitch on him. "It's CHRIS-tine." In my absolute rudest tone of voice. I honestly surprised myself with the sheer amount of venom. I've removed myself from AIM because I only get exasperated with, like, the one person I actually talk to. I start feeling like I'm being nagged and it makes the tiny switch on the inside go from 'CONSIDERATE' to 'PSYCHOTIC'.
On the other hand, things have been going phenomonally well with Jeff. Now that marching season is over he's had more time to spend with me, and it's about eight million times better. We went and had dinner at his sister's house the other night and then went to see the Austin Symphony Orchestra. We went to Taproom afterwards with a few friends and talked and ate and drank and it was the most relaxing and comfortable thing I have done in a long time. I am seriously considering taking a shot of something right before my recital... loosen the nerves a little bit! Hahaha, probably not. Probably.
I totally copped out on a friend tonight, and I feel a little bad about it. He wanted me to come up to Austin to see his band play. Now, I bought the ticket from him, and I did have plans to go, but when the time actually came, it was like - I don't have the gas for this. I don't have the money to get the gas for this. Nor do I have the money for parking, nor do I have the time to drive up there for this. And lastly, I don't really want to listen to this band. It's all praise and worship music and I am just not interested in that. I was doing this entirely for his benefit and I decided that I wasn't going to do it. End of story.
So now I have to throw this lesson plan together for this crazy bitch of a Fine Arts Block teacher, who makes me hate her a little more with every passing day. But! I will persevere. Or, I will self-destruct. When the time comes, I will let you know. But that's what I'll be doing now.
We'll see if this updating trend continues at all. Cross your fingers!
This semester has flown by. I think I say that every time, but it's true. They have gotten progressively faster and faster, to the point where they have all begun to blur together. My horrendous memory can't distinguish between Fall and Spring anymore.
I feel like I've been running and running and running and the gas tank is on empty, but somehow I'm still going. I don't even have a huge load this semester, I just feel so incredibly run down and close to breaking. My senior recital is just around the corner - literally, 9 days from now. It's scaring the absolute shit out of me. I have a big research paper due on that same day, that I haven't even begun. There is this list of things to do that keeps knocking at my brain and I keep shoving them away, thinking, not yet, not yet, please not yet. I should be working on my lesson plan and evaluation to turn in tomorrow, but what am I doing? Documenting my troubled mind. How cathartic.
I think my BC is having some adverse affects on me. I'm tired all the time. Like, really seriously fucking tired. To the point where I almost fall asleep in class or in Block. I just feel like crashing. I've been working out like a demon to try and combat this but it doesn't seem to be helping. I've actually started taking naps in the afternoon. NAPS! I get an average of seven to eight hours of sleep a night, and I'm taking naps! My stress levels have been pretty high, so that may be a factor. It's worrisome. I do everything correctly, so when something goes wrong, it makes me scared, which totally adds to the IMPENDING SENSE OF DOOM!!! thing I have going on right now.
My moods are through the roof. It's mind-blowing. I have been snapping at the stupidest things lately. Today this idiot in the music building (whom I already dislike intensely) called me Steen again, and I fucking HATE IT when people call me that, and I went absolute Mega-Bitch on him. "It's CHRIS-tine." In my absolute rudest tone of voice. I honestly surprised myself with the sheer amount of venom. I've removed myself from AIM because I only get exasperated with, like, the one person I actually talk to. I start feeling like I'm being nagged and it makes the tiny switch on the inside go from 'CONSIDERATE' to 'PSYCHOTIC'.
On the other hand, things have been going phenomonally well with Jeff. Now that marching season is over he's had more time to spend with me, and it's about eight million times better. We went and had dinner at his sister's house the other night and then went to see the Austin Symphony Orchestra. We went to Taproom afterwards with a few friends and talked and ate and drank and it was the most relaxing and comfortable thing I have done in a long time. I am seriously considering taking a shot of something right before my recital... loosen the nerves a little bit! Hahaha, probably not. Probably.
I totally copped out on a friend tonight, and I feel a little bad about it. He wanted me to come up to Austin to see his band play. Now, I bought the ticket from him, and I did have plans to go, but when the time actually came, it was like - I don't have the gas for this. I don't have the money to get the gas for this. Nor do I have the money for parking, nor do I have the time to drive up there for this. And lastly, I don't really want to listen to this band. It's all praise and worship music and I am just not interested in that. I was doing this entirely for his benefit and I decided that I wasn't going to do it. End of story.
So now I have to throw this lesson plan together for this crazy bitch of a Fine Arts Block teacher, who makes me hate her a little more with every passing day. But! I will persevere. Or, I will self-destruct. When the time comes, I will let you know. But that's what I'll be doing now.
We'll see if this updating trend continues at all. Cross your fingers!