An Open Letter to Those I've Disappointed
Dear Everyone (Really Just You),
Our conversation had a cloud over it the whole time. A fog of apologies descended half the time it seems. I'm sorry. If my presence doesn't suit you, I will not feel slighted if you have removed it. Everything was still wrong because nothing is forgotten, perhaps. My pragmatism met your romanticism and thought staying grounded was prudent if not simply safe.
As a romantic at heart, I knew you bore the burden of pain differently but I still caused such. As a romantic at heart, I thought perhaps you'd understand that one heart in the bush that could be touched was worth twice the worth of the heart from who I was far apart.
Sometimes a lowered self esteem grips jealousy ever more tightly. Sometimes it doesn't accept compliments rightly. Sometimes, we just don't step up to the challenges and if you weren't of special ways then no one would have cared if we had kept in contact. Phone displays bring the names of competition instead of friendship sometimes and sometimes friendship isn't enough to contain a certain amount of compatibility though at times it has to be. Exclusivity is highly valued and some people (myself) don't know how to choose the right person. Perhaps polyamory has its benefits and recently more supporters, after all, how does our heart know not to approach many partners if it holds sufficient amounts of love? But we demand more than animal natures. We want more than what any other creature can just go do. We want to love and worship one partner and complete or be completed or completely give in to the palpitations of the heart.
But hearts find themselves broken as often as they are shared. And I have now contributed to more than my share of shattered endings. So I replace the glass now and then but never expect certain pieces to be remaining though sometimes the memories are still there. ...I've always been afraid of mirrors. I don't always like what's looking back at me. I don't like fragile dreams. I don't know what it means to be flawless... so I interject apologies into friendships and relationships past and hope to maintain a simple adherence to the honor of humanity's tapestry of interwoven daily activities and people without burdening them. So, I mean what I say, don't let me let you waste your time. It's safer to silence me with goodbye. ...Not that I deserve anything other than such an approach anyway.
Our conversation had a cloud over it the whole time. A fog of apologies descended half the time it seems. I'm sorry. If my presence doesn't suit you, I will not feel slighted if you have removed it. Everything was still wrong because nothing is forgotten, perhaps. My pragmatism met your romanticism and thought staying grounded was prudent if not simply safe.
As a romantic at heart, I knew you bore the burden of pain differently but I still caused such. As a romantic at heart, I thought perhaps you'd understand that one heart in the bush that could be touched was worth twice the worth of the heart from who I was far apart.
Sometimes a lowered self esteem grips jealousy ever more tightly. Sometimes it doesn't accept compliments rightly. Sometimes, we just don't step up to the challenges and if you weren't of special ways then no one would have cared if we had kept in contact. Phone displays bring the names of competition instead of friendship sometimes and sometimes friendship isn't enough to contain a certain amount of compatibility though at times it has to be. Exclusivity is highly valued and some people (myself) don't know how to choose the right person. Perhaps polyamory has its benefits and recently more supporters, after all, how does our heart know not to approach many partners if it holds sufficient amounts of love? But we demand more than animal natures. We want more than what any other creature can just go do. We want to love and worship one partner and complete or be completed or completely give in to the palpitations of the heart.
But hearts find themselves broken as often as they are shared. And I have now contributed to more than my share of shattered endings. So I replace the glass now and then but never expect certain pieces to be remaining though sometimes the memories are still there. ...I've always been afraid of mirrors. I don't always like what's looking back at me. I don't like fragile dreams. I don't know what it means to be flawless... so I interject apologies into friendships and relationships past and hope to maintain a simple adherence to the honor of humanity's tapestry of interwoven daily activities and people without burdening them. So, I mean what I say, don't let me let you waste your time. It's safer to silence me with goodbye. ...Not that I deserve anything other than such an approach anyway.