(no subject)
Dear YOUR LIFE,
Sometimes people do not like to face reality....and it bothers them, so they blame their boyfriend cheating on them on other people. Maybe after the first time they would get the clue that he does not like you as much as he says he does.. Here it is...you basically begged for this..
So..him and I, we hit it off from the start. We hung out all the time and did what people that like eachother do. I found out about this other girl he liked..and wasn't too happy, but he insisted she was nothing to him, so I got over it. So the first day they got together...after he "went up to her window to ask her out", He just happened to invite me over. And to be honest it was like they weren't even together.. everything was still there.. all the feelings and everything. But from day one..he was already known as a cheater in my book, and that's something that I would never want to call my own. I knew I could get this boy whenever I wanted...but I just let him live his life and I lived mine. There was still a spark between us, so we let this so called
affair
continue. He always told me how he didn't like her, she was like a brother to him, she was just a stupid kid, she couldn't turn him on, and who he obviously did not care about because he was still "SEEING" me. So, time went on..he moved into his appartment, we still were talking, and everything was fine, I had feelings for him, I'm not going to lie, but I'm not a fool and I didn't just fall for someone who didn't give two shits about me.. Everything he told me was in my eyes the truth. His best friend moved in and knew the whole time and felt bad for his girlfriend so he kept it a secret. His bestfriend was there almost everynight I came over.. After a while...we laughed at his girlfriend and made it one huge joke
. Time went on, his girlfriend found out and we both agreed that it would be best for him to tell her that it was my fault. I can't even count the number of times we hooked up while these two were together because at the time, it didn't matter, all that mattered was the way that I felt while hanging out with him.. A feeling that at the time couldn't be given to me from anyone else. I was at his house on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and he was over the night his "girlfriend" sent him a comment on his myspace telling him how much she loved him.
No one knows the relationship we had, only him and I.. So no one can judge it. He told me things that she would only dream about. It was amazing, he told me everything on his mind. I was there when he needed a friend. I was there when he needed advice. I was even there for him when he was upset about her. So you tell me who is the stronger one? Because I honestly don't think she would be able to handle that emotionally.
I didn't care if anyone knew about us, because most people did know, even her. We stopped talking because it got to hard between him and his girlfriend, I didn't want to make him choose, I didn't want to make him stress. We were friends and we didn't hook up because we didn't need to, talking to him was enough in my book. So recently...this little girlfriend of his....decided to be all cute and talk to me. She wrote on my myspace page, I decided to write her back, out of kindness, and he got mad. The next day I got a message from him, and in no time we were back to our friendship. I guess you can call it a friendship, if friends take and take and take.. while the other gives and gives and gives. I gave so much to him, my trust even though he was running around with another girl on his arm. And I gave him loyalty, he never liked the fact, I sometimes had crushes, I sometimes thought boys were cute. Through out all this he held me back .. not only from meeting other people, but from my life. And I'm sick and tired of being "there" for him.
I just saw him...a week ago, and he looked sick. He looked unhealthy, and as he hugged me, I felt his rib cage in my arms. I couldn't believe it. This so called.."amazing girlfriend" let him get this way. I listened to him tell me how much he cares about me and misses me, and how he is deciding on to break up with his girlfriend or not. I told him that breaking up with his girlfriend was not what I wanted, I just didn't want to be a secret.. I don't care if it was just a phonecall here and there, I just didn't want to be hidden away.
Tell me who is on top? Please. TEll me how pathetic I am???? I can care less because no matter what, I am the person with a good head on her shoulders in this game.. I did nothing wrong.. but defend myself while being ridiculed. I moved on far away from him, I just want my money. I trusted him enough to pay me back.
To her: Him and I can care less about your high school rumors, and you telling everyone "our" whole life story, because believe it or not, we did have a life together...before you were in the picture,and during. Im a great friend to people, and no matter what you say, you can't bring me down with your words of negativity.
To him: You promised me that one day we would run away to Mexico together and live a happy life. You told me I had to wait 3 years until you got your i.d card. I told you I would wait. You get the maid, and I get the pool boy. You Promised me a happy life when we both get old...and reminded me of it a week ago. You told me you would bbq, while I cut your corn off the cobb for you.
I'm going to live my happy life now, without you.
Thank you for everything, and for teaching me how to be as strong as I am now. I love you J, and I will never ever forget about you. Good luck with all the things you do.
♥ always...J