Yahtzee's 100 better questions.

Mar 19, 2008 00:03


Shamelessly nicked from Fully Ramblomatic.

1. What is your Earth name, human? Kristen Logicerror Alphonzo Leeroy Jenkins the 3rd Esquire

2. What is your full address? 1337, Asshole lane

3. Phone number? 666-666-6666

4. You do realise I now have enough information to stalk and kill you? Too late, your Brainchild beat you to it.

r5. Where does your wife go shopping? At your house, she steals your groceries.

6. Where do your children play? In a woodchipper.

7. Are there any conveniently located woodchippers or toolsheds nearby? Why yes! I just locked it.

8. Do you love your family? What is love?

9. Do you REALLY love them or are you just saying that? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

10. Do you come here often? Maybe.

11. Have you ever had sex? No. Like a VIRGIIIN

12. If yes, give an account, leaving no details to the imagination: Read some Yaoi.

13. If no, explain why not: Because I'm a fat loser who thinks John DeFoe is in her house.

14. Have you ever had gay sex? No, but I've written it.

15. Would you like to do it again? Write it? Quite frankly, yes.

16. Ah, so you HAVE had gay sex? Only in my mind, and with a weighted companion cube.

17. Have you ever been in a threesome? See question 13

18. If yes, do you consider yourself honest? Only when nessicary.

19. 'Cos I don't. Then you're a douche.

20. Do you masturbate? I would if I wasn't lazy.

21. Fun, isn't it? I'm sure it is.

22. Which of the following would you consider appropriate situations for masturbation:
- In bed, alone
- In bed with a partner
- In bed with a dog
- Before sex
- After sex
- During sex <- This one.
- At your mother's wake

23. Why are you filling out these questions? Because I'm Dicking around.

24. Seriously, don't you have anything better to do? Afraid not, looks like you're stuck with me.

25. Are you in a relationsip with someone? No.

26. Bearing in mind that animals, minors and stalking victims don't count, are you in a relationship with someone? No.

27. Oh, and I'd also like to add 'fictional characters' to that list. And once again, Mr. Croshaw, NO.

28. Do you feel lucky, punk? If I did, I'd be in Vegas right now.

29. What's your favourite Monty Python film that isn't Life of Brian? The Holy Grail

30. What's your favourite song by Queen that isn't Bohemian Rhapsody? Another one rides the bus.

31. What's your favourite team sport that isn't football? Synchronized Swimming.

32. Who's your favourite actor who was in Footloose and isn't Kevin Bacon? Never seen it.

33. Who's your favourite actress who was in Fight Club and isn't Helena Bonham Carter? It hurts.

34. Do you prefer chalk or cheese? Chalk has quite a pleasant texture, and it doesn't constipate.

35. Laurel or Hardy? Oak.

36. White or slightly off-white? Mink Mauve.

37. Lice or doornails? What's wrong with both?

38. Mangoes or licorice? Mango Flavored Licorice.

39. Nostrils or the Serengeti Plain? The Serengeti Plain's Nostrils.

40. Do you want to die, Sidney? No, especially not with a machete.

41. Have you ever been to prison? I'm still working on that.

42. If yes, were you the man or the bitch? The man is my bitch.

43. Oh, perhaps I should have asked this earlier: Are you male or female? There are no girls on the internet.

44. Really? Ya rly.

45. Blimey. Indeed.

46. What's your ultimate sexual fantasy? If I told you that, I'd be Pyramid Head.

47. Did you really think I wanted to know that, you freak? That's the nicest thing you've said al day.

48. Is the cup half full or half empty? It is green

49. Who is your best friend? My brain

50. Okay, who is your second best friend? My invisible penis.

51. Do you have any friends at all? No.

52. Bearing in mind that animals, minors, stalking victims, fictional characters and inanimate objects don't count? I knew that.

53. Did you know coming up with 100 questions is more difficult than it sounds? Of course it is.

54. Discuss the use of iambic pentameter in act 4, scene 1 of Othello, the Moor of Venice. English Literature hurts.

55. Do you know what I'm talking about when I say "Yum, I love a nice tasty slice of hair pie"? Nope.

56. If yes, do you feel vaguely ashamed? I feel ashamed that I don't know what you're saying.

57. Do you consider yourself a smacktard? Why yes I do.

58. If no, why are you still answering these questions? Well, Why not?

59. What's your favourite book for use in self-defense? Modern Chemistry.

60. Does he look like a bitch? They all do.

61. Then why did you fuck him like a bitch, Brian? Stop quoting movies.

62. Did your dad ever do that thing where he walks to the bathroom completely nude hoping no-one will see him? Nope

63. Did it freak you out as much as it did me? I'm sure it would have.

64. List all your pets. Siegfried the Cockatiel.

65. I know this may be painful, but list all the dead ones, too. Mazie.

66. How did they die? Ran over.

67. Ha ha! What stupid creatures.  it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts.

68. What's your favourite comic by Alan Moore called Watchmen? Watchmen?

69. Really? Maybe.

70. Mine too! Congratulations.

71. Do you admire Justin Timberlake...
... For his musical ability?
... For his reputedly enormous willy?
... For the ease with which he lights on fire? <- This one

72. Have you ever met a ghost? Yes.

73. Have you ever communicated with a ghost? Yes

74. Have you ever played Scrabble with a ghost? See previous question.

76. Would you like to reconsider your answer to question 57? No.

77. Have you ever taken drugs? Perscription ones.

78. Have you ever sold drugs? My bird has.

79. Could I have a price list? Give me a minute.

80. Do you think I'm attractive? I like your hat.

81. My mum does. So does mine.

82. Have you ever dressed like a woman? No.

83. C'mon, you can tell me. Hrm...

84. Everyone has at some point.  Oh really?

85. Ha ha! I lied! TRANNY! OKAY, I ADMIT IT, I WEAR MEN'S SUITS.

86. Apologies if you're a girl, by the way. None taken.

87. When was the last time you said 'I love you'? two months ago.

88. When was the last time you said it to something other than a TV screen? 10 years ago, when my father lay bleeding in the street due to a lemon wound.

89. My programmer taught me a song. Would you like to hear it? Yes.

90. Would you eat poo if I gave you a fiver? Can I use salt?

91. Tenner? Maybe with salt.

92. Would you eat poo if I gave you fifty quid and a sweetie? Can I put the sweetie in the poo?

93. Explain your answer. Explain this odd behavior.

94. Hello, is it me you're looking for? No, I'm looking for John DeFoe.

95. Who sent you this quiz? I found it on Fully Ramblomatic

96. Do you find this person attractive? Yahtzee's hat is awesome.

97. Would you want to have sex with this person? No.

98. You do know they'll probably read this? Only if they're batshit insane.

99. Er... Yeah...

100. That's it. 'Kay, bye.

drama, quiz, shit

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