(no subject)
A few days ago... this is exactly how I felt:
"dont you understand the way things are? you have to by now. i hate to act like a jerk, but at the same time, stop being one yourself. to add insult to injury, i guess ive been downgraded from the friend status to something considered a sub-friend. it isnt whining, it isnt bitching, its me. when it comes to me, things just arent the same, problems with me seem to be lower on the list. this great friendship that you claim is downsized to an acquaintance when it becomes convenient for you. i just feel like screaming this in your face, but i know somehow, you probably wouldnt even hear the words. just tell me what the hell is really going on. dont tell me these stupid ass lies that make me even more depressed and angry at the same time. i need some time away from this place. as un-excited as i am to leave you and this behind, for now it seems, i would be better off without you. some time to myself to figure out your ways and mindset, what makes you the way you are with just me. ill miss you, dont get me wrong, but i fucking hate you right now. im sorry for being such an inconvenience to you and your busy life. " -ALEX
(from Alex's Blog... it's funny how him and I were going through similar situations. VERY SIMILAR, as a matter of fact. Coincidence, perhaps? Maybe. Anywho... I miss that fool. Everytime we say we're going to hang out, we never do.... what a burn, but there's always this summer before we're off to college...)
Anyways, in case you were wondering...
Slowly, I'm rebuilding our friendship. It's going to take some time... but I'm willing to make this work and so is he. Hopefully, things come back to normal. I guess, we'll just have to wait until things actually happen.... I'm hoping for the best that has yet to come.
Until next post, <3 John