(no subject)
It has been 14 weeks since I have had my last update. Life has been something of amazement, confusion, temptation, and more growth. As of late my mindset has gone away from what I really have wanted. My urges and will to do what I need and want has been lacking but at the same time I feel as if these emotions I thrive on are embedded into my mind. I am growing away Rochester and my hometown more and more. I recently got accepted to all the Schools I had applied to, Central, Oakland, Eastern, and still waiting to hear from Northwood. My high hopes of getting involved this year have dwindled down to me putting forth large amounts of effort in the last seconds of everything. I am realizing that this is my personality, just a last second almost late kind of person. Times with friends are seeming more and more repetitive and to be honest it is making me think negatively. Winter Break was nice yet repetitive for me knowing that I had nothing to do but all my time was dedicated with my friends and work. I vowed to myself that I am to build a stronger relationship with my parents after the first of the year. It is working five days in and I just want them to know I am comfortable with their presence as I really consider the big move to Central Michigan. School is now almost halfway over for me and the retrospect of everything keeps pushing itself into my head. I am not nervous but more anxious to meet new people to prove to myself and family that I am capable of doing great things and graduating from a 4 year university. I want to be successful, I can honestly say throughout my high school career I have seen the best of both worlds and I know which route I want to take. Recently at work I received honors for Outbacker of the Year. It honestlty motivated me a lot knowing that I can achieve great things but outside of work be who I really want. I feel like this year my senior year has not compared to the expectations I have had. It has been a whole lot of work mixed with a lot of unproductive time. This feeling brings me down not being occupied and wondering what to do. My intrests are not always sparking my friends and I am starting to see that this change for me will really let me discover others who share my common intrests. I feel like the past has been coming into my life as well in small chunks. Just remembering times and recounting expirences with others. I know I have learnt a lot the past years of my life. I have only grown from all of this to become a more down to earth and relaxed problem solving mentality. I notice the direction after a relationship my life took, it really opened to the focus of myself and what I was really trying to prove. I know I have attmepted to get back into a relationship but as of late I notice especially my closets friends struggle to go through them I remember that feeling and being held down. It feels great knowing I can do what I want, whenever I want, the ultimate freedom. I know I am going to miss a lot of things and lately thinking just makes me want to make the most out of everything and every time I get with people. I dont know what to really expect as these months run down but all I know is that they will be over way too soon for me to realize.