(no subject)
so yeah i'm pissed. adam came over to watch movies with me and hannah and my mother was coming in the room kissing me on the forehead n shit and hugging me and i was just being a bitch to her. everyone probably thinks i'm sooo mean but she seriously doesn't do that unless other people are around. it's sooo fucked up how she puts on this show like she's this hurt mother with the moody teenage daughter when really the SECOND everyone cleared out of my house she goes off on me about how big of a bitch i am and how i should seriously consider going to live with my dad. i don't want to but i don't know what else to do. she blames me for stuff that happened 3 years ago. we moved to wisconsin when i was starting 7th grade and her and my dad had just split. she was going there to live with/marry this guy she dated in high school for a long time and hadn't seen in over 20 years. no dating... no relationship... automatically moving in. so i was kinda sad about the divorce n all as most ppl are so once i figured out how stupid it was that she was ALREADY moving in with someone else not because she really loved him (even though she claimed he did) but because she doesn't know how to survive without a man holding her up, i left. i came back to kentucky and lived with my dad. that's the topic of most of our arguements these days. she says I left HER when she needed me to be there for her like she was the only one going through anything. last time i checked SHE'S the parent and i was and still am the child. i was going through divorce and i know that she was too but she didn't HAVE to rush off and marry the first person that volunteered. i guess she left for the wrong reasons too cuz guess who's back after her 2nd divorce to a man she barely knew unless you count dates from the 10th grade. so we're arguing about stuff that happened sooo long ago and it's always about how i remind her of dad and i'm a cold-hearted bitch because at 12 i wasn't mature enough to handle her problems and my own too. she's sooo psychotic. i love my dad but i'm soooo tired of running back and forth every time one of em decides it's getting to complicated and it's "time for a change." the funny thing about that is that it's never a change THEY have to make. it's always mine. i always have to move, change schools, start over. i don't think i can do it again. maybe i'll have to though. i'm just tired of feeling older than my mother. tired of feeling like i get it and she doesn't. and i'm tired of defending myself because i remind her of dad.... wtf does she me to do? i'm through with it. i'll figure something out... maybe i'll end up running back and forth once more. i know things won't get better from her. i've been dealin with this shit since i moved to minnesota last year... i'm just TIRED