A letter to Orli...
Orli,
I've been doing a lot of thinking since we arrived in Germany, especially after what happened with Hannes. I could say that some of what he said put doubts in my mind, but it wouldn't be the truth. I just can't see how being with you isn't the right thing...I can't imagine being anywhere else. Even when I didn't think you returned the feelings, I couldn't imagine loving anyone else.
I can't look back and pinpoint the moment when I knew that I loved you...except maybe I think I've always loved you. When we met, there was just something--immediately. You've gotten away with things no other person ever could, right from the very beginning. You could be such a little shit, and I never (well almost never) lost my patience. Everything just felt so natural with you, right from the very beginning. I guess it was easy to convince myself that you had simply latched onto me because I was like you, a shifter. You had been so alone, isolated in a world you thought could never understand. I could not afford myself the same kind of explaination--I grew up knowing what I was, surrounded by others like me. I was so terried when you got the role with Rings--I know it sounds selfish, but I was certain I would lose you--that what I believed had drawn you to me, kept you with me--even just as a best mate--would dissolve when you found a community of others...
I suppose I've underestimated you a lot over the years? Well that's not true either, I've given you quite a bit of credit too. I've always seen how strong you were, even if you didn't believe it. And you've helped me too, I need you more than I think I could possibly ever explain. Believe me, whatever damage you try to convince yourself you're doing by staying with me, could never match the good...
I'm sorry if this is getting extremely sappy, you know how I can be sometimes. I've always wanted to protect you, maybe at first it was a bit of looking out for you becuase you were so inexperienced, so vulnerable...but it quickly changed from that. I've nearly lost you, in more ways than one--don't think I'll ever be letting go now, without a fight.
I know what Hannes said has bothered you and you're worried, worried about the relationship with my family as well. Please don't. Trust me if you don't trust anything else? I love you. It's enough. It's all that matters.
I've been doing a lot of thinking since we arrived in Germany, especially after what happened with Hannes. I could say that some of what he said put doubts in my mind, but it wouldn't be the truth. I just can't see how being with you isn't the right thing...I can't imagine being anywhere else. Even when I didn't think you returned the feelings, I couldn't imagine loving anyone else.
I can't look back and pinpoint the moment when I knew that I loved you...except maybe I think I've always loved you. When we met, there was just something--immediately. You've gotten away with things no other person ever could, right from the very beginning. You could be such a little shit, and I never (well almost never) lost my patience. Everything just felt so natural with you, right from the very beginning. I guess it was easy to convince myself that you had simply latched onto me because I was like you, a shifter. You had been so alone, isolated in a world you thought could never understand. I could not afford myself the same kind of explaination--I grew up knowing what I was, surrounded by others like me. I was so terried when you got the role with Rings--I know it sounds selfish, but I was certain I would lose you--that what I believed had drawn you to me, kept you with me--even just as a best mate--would dissolve when you found a community of others...
I suppose I've underestimated you a lot over the years? Well that's not true either, I've given you quite a bit of credit too. I've always seen how strong you were, even if you didn't believe it. And you've helped me too, I need you more than I think I could possibly ever explain. Believe me, whatever damage you try to convince yourself you're doing by staying with me, could never match the good...
I'm sorry if this is getting extremely sappy, you know how I can be sometimes. I've always wanted to protect you, maybe at first it was a bit of looking out for you becuase you were so inexperienced, so vulnerable...but it quickly changed from that. I've nearly lost you, in more ways than one--don't think I'll ever be letting go now, without a fight.
I know what Hannes said has bothered you and you're worried, worried about the relationship with my family as well. Please don't. Trust me if you don't trust anything else? I love you. It's enough. It's all that matters.