Under the Bed
JORDAN
Hello Dr.
DEAN
Look can we just-
JORDAN
I need help. I thought it’d do me some good. You know, talking to someone.
DEAN
Don’t come here to-
JORDAN
Can we begin? I have a lot I want to talk about.
DEAN
By all means, go ahead.
JORAN
Do you mind if I get a bit more comfortable? I’ve been so stressed lately. And this couch- very nice. Comfortable. Kudos to whoever picked it out.
DEAN
Why are you here?
JORDAN
I told you, Doc. I want to talk about some things.
DEAN
Why here-
JORDAN
You’re the best doc in town, right? Your reputation precedes you.
DEAN
Go ahead.
JORDAN
I found this tie at my house last night. Under the bed. Well, moreso, my husband found the tie.
DEAN
Had he been missing a tie?
JORDAN
No. It wasn’t his. He’s anal-retentive; his things are kept nicely in the closet. You know, that’s why I needed a break from him because he-
DEAN
Back up. This tie. What about it?
JORDAN
It wasn’t his, that’s what. So, naturally, like a good and loving husband he asked about it.
DEAN
You had an affair.
JORDAN
Yes. (A pause) And now he knows. Because of my stupidity. Why didn’t I check under the bed, Dr? You would think that I’d look around really good after just having infidelity sex for any evidence. right? You would think I’d clean up the crime scene, right?
DEAN
I would have thought so. Did you talk to him about it?
JORDAN
Not specifically. I just came here. I needed to talk to a professional. My rage is creeping up and, well, bad things can happen.
DEAN
You should calm down.
JORDAN
Oh, I’m trying. Believe me I’m trying to calm down but when your marriage crumbles because of one single fuck-up, staying calm is sort of difficult. I’m sure you can understand.
DEAN
What are you going to do?
JORDAN
Aren’t you supposed to tell me that?
DEAN
This isn’t something I can help with.
JORDAN
Oh? This sounds exactly like something you can help with.
DEAN
What do you want me to do?
JORDAN
What really is a kicker, what really gets me is how bad the sex was. It wasn’t even worth it. I much prefer him, my husband.
DEAN
Maybe it wasn’t that good for your conquest either?
JORDAN
Conquest? He was hardly that. He was a sad, helpless man. Still is. Lots of money and a good smile. Honestly? I just wanted to see how big his dick was.
DEAN
Really?
JORDAN
Yes. And I was disappointed. Sorely. And now, my husband wants a divorce. He caught me and I knew I couldn’t lie. He said it smelled like an old man’s tie. He wanted to know whose tie it was- I didn’t tell him, don’t worry- and said he wanted a divorce so I guess I’m just here because I wanted to talk to someone. Well moreso, I wanted to talk at someone.
DEAN
I’m sorry, Jordan. You’ll need to understand that there is a very-
JORDAN
No, Dean. You need to understand. You need to understand exactly what it is you’ve done.
JORDAN opens her bag and takes out a tie. The tie in question. She gets up and hands it to him.
JORDAN
I thought you’d want your tie back.
She goes. DEAN holds the tie in his hands as the lights fade to black.
Hello Dr.
DEAN
Look can we just-
JORDAN
I need help. I thought it’d do me some good. You know, talking to someone.
DEAN
Don’t come here to-
JORDAN
Can we begin? I have a lot I want to talk about.
DEAN
By all means, go ahead.
JORAN
Do you mind if I get a bit more comfortable? I’ve been so stressed lately. And this couch- very nice. Comfortable. Kudos to whoever picked it out.
DEAN
Why are you here?
JORDAN
I told you, Doc. I want to talk about some things.
DEAN
Why here-
JORDAN
You’re the best doc in town, right? Your reputation precedes you.
DEAN
Go ahead.
JORDAN
I found this tie at my house last night. Under the bed. Well, moreso, my husband found the tie.
DEAN
Had he been missing a tie?
JORDAN
No. It wasn’t his. He’s anal-retentive; his things are kept nicely in the closet. You know, that’s why I needed a break from him because he-
DEAN
Back up. This tie. What about it?
JORDAN
It wasn’t his, that’s what. So, naturally, like a good and loving husband he asked about it.
DEAN
You had an affair.
JORDAN
Yes. (A pause) And now he knows. Because of my stupidity. Why didn’t I check under the bed, Dr? You would think that I’d look around really good after just having infidelity sex for any evidence. right? You would think I’d clean up the crime scene, right?
DEAN
I would have thought so. Did you talk to him about it?
JORDAN
Not specifically. I just came here. I needed to talk to a professional. My rage is creeping up and, well, bad things can happen.
DEAN
You should calm down.
JORDAN
Oh, I’m trying. Believe me I’m trying to calm down but when your marriage crumbles because of one single fuck-up, staying calm is sort of difficult. I’m sure you can understand.
DEAN
What are you going to do?
JORDAN
Aren’t you supposed to tell me that?
DEAN
This isn’t something I can help with.
JORDAN
Oh? This sounds exactly like something you can help with.
DEAN
What do you want me to do?
JORDAN
What really is a kicker, what really gets me is how bad the sex was. It wasn’t even worth it. I much prefer him, my husband.
DEAN
Maybe it wasn’t that good for your conquest either?
JORDAN
Conquest? He was hardly that. He was a sad, helpless man. Still is. Lots of money and a good smile. Honestly? I just wanted to see how big his dick was.
DEAN
Really?
JORDAN
Yes. And I was disappointed. Sorely. And now, my husband wants a divorce. He caught me and I knew I couldn’t lie. He said it smelled like an old man’s tie. He wanted to know whose tie it was- I didn’t tell him, don’t worry- and said he wanted a divorce so I guess I’m just here because I wanted to talk to someone. Well moreso, I wanted to talk at someone.
DEAN
I’m sorry, Jordan. You’ll need to understand that there is a very-
JORDAN
No, Dean. You need to understand. You need to understand exactly what it is you’ve done.
JORDAN opens her bag and takes out a tie. The tie in question. She gets up and hands it to him.
JORDAN
I thought you’d want your tie back.
She goes. DEAN holds the tie in his hands as the lights fade to black.