(no subject)
My spirit feels free. A few days ago I couldn't stand either's presense. Now I'm different. I know I am better. I know I am the bigger person. I have said all I have to say. I have said all I need to say to bring my energy to rest. I can move on.
That doesn't mean that tuesday is going to be easy. It's going to be hard. I may be on my own. I may not. Either way.. I hope you sit there are think about what you've done because you're not dealing with the consequence, although you have stepped up.
I have been sick to put it simply. I've lost I think 10 pounds or so. From lack of eatting, from lack of keeping things down for very long.
I sit on a leather couch.. hidden by a cloud of smoke because I have started smoking again.. and I watch the red streaks turn away from me. And I laugh. I laugh not only to spite you. I laugh to show you that I am not afraid of you. I laugh because I am more mature and adult than you are. I laugh because I can move on and you, who have nothing to do with the situation, can't. He made the wrong choice. That's his deal. Hunny, you can have him. I do not envy you. Soon you will learn. Or maybe not if he has.
My energy is at peace. I understand where I am. I understand I am starting a huge journey. I understand and I will understand. You understand on a book level from what I hear. You spit out philosophical ideas that are rehersed and flat. Everyone sees through you. Exept maybe him. But that's fine. He can have you too. Perfect. But if he's really willing to learn then I hope he gets away. You are a dark energy. You not only prove it with your words, but with your presence. You suffocate.
I am no longer angry after feeling the angriest I have ever felt. I am no longer angry. I am not longer frusterated. It's clear now. Killing comes at a high price these days.
As to what is, was, and might have been... I'll know someday later. I'm hopeful and excited to know what it means to be in this situation but happy... but I'm patient. I have always been patient when it counts. Maybe not for dinner to be finished, or to find a practice room.. but I am patient where it counts.
Now that my mind is mentally healthy.. I can't wait for my body to be physically healthy. Soon though.
Oh liberation....
That doesn't mean that tuesday is going to be easy. It's going to be hard. I may be on my own. I may not. Either way.. I hope you sit there are think about what you've done because you're not dealing with the consequence, although you have stepped up.
I have been sick to put it simply. I've lost I think 10 pounds or so. From lack of eatting, from lack of keeping things down for very long.
I sit on a leather couch.. hidden by a cloud of smoke because I have started smoking again.. and I watch the red streaks turn away from me. And I laugh. I laugh not only to spite you. I laugh to show you that I am not afraid of you. I laugh because I am more mature and adult than you are. I laugh because I can move on and you, who have nothing to do with the situation, can't. He made the wrong choice. That's his deal. Hunny, you can have him. I do not envy you. Soon you will learn. Or maybe not if he has.
My energy is at peace. I understand where I am. I understand I am starting a huge journey. I understand and I will understand. You understand on a book level from what I hear. You spit out philosophical ideas that are rehersed and flat. Everyone sees through you. Exept maybe him. But that's fine. He can have you too. Perfect. But if he's really willing to learn then I hope he gets away. You are a dark energy. You not only prove it with your words, but with your presence. You suffocate.
I am no longer angry after feeling the angriest I have ever felt. I am no longer angry. I am not longer frusterated. It's clear now. Killing comes at a high price these days.
As to what is, was, and might have been... I'll know someday later. I'm hopeful and excited to know what it means to be in this situation but happy... but I'm patient. I have always been patient when it counts. Maybe not for dinner to be finished, or to find a practice room.. but I am patient where it counts.
Now that my mind is mentally healthy.. I can't wait for my body to be physically healthy. Soon though.
Oh liberation....