Short Stories for my attention challenged readers
On the way to work this morning I was driving down route 198 towards Laurel when I noticed all of the cars in front of me rapidly moving out of the lane we were in. Some went left into the grassy median. Some went right into the neighboring lane. Some just honked their horns. I had no idea what was coming. As the automobile sea parted I saw an old, beat-up, tan colored, four door sedan coming straight at me....going approximately 11 miles per hour....the wrong way...I sat there, in her way, dumbfounded. Eventually, at her insistence, I moved. (there was a lot of hand waving, many confused looks and a few words spewn in utter disbelief). She went about a half-mile the wrong way on 198 and then just made a u-turn and resumed normal driving.
#%$%$^%$^$^$^$^$^$^$^#$%^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^
Our dog has decided that it is appropriate behavior to mark every bush, tree, plant, electrical box and other dog that he passes. His little back leg lifts constantly. No bush is safe. No leaf goes un-wet. Watch out caterpillars! Here comes Cam!
(Currently he is attempting to bury his bone in our leather sofa. Pardon me if I don't applaud his excellent instinctual food-hoarding habits. Our leather isn't hungry)
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I remember one time in college:
Katie and I were hanging out in her apartment in U.V. watching Cruel Intentions and eating ridiculous amounts of artery-clogging foods when suddenly I noticed that Katie's attention was fixated completely on a specific character in said movie. That character being...a HORSE.
"Tiff, don't you love how meaty and juicy their legs are. " I was, at that point, horrified. The expression on her face was seduction. She wanted that horse. She thought that horse was a hottie. A...Hot...Horse...for...Katie. Porn potential. For sure.
$^$^%^#%#$%@$!#$@%^$^$^#%^@$!#!$#^%$^$^#%@%@$
I have a lot of favorites. I say things are my favorite all the time. It's not always totally accurate because my favorites change depending on my mood. For instance, my favorite food today is chocolate chip cookies because I just made 32 and they are sitting on the kitchen counter taunting me. My favorite shoes today are my black, suede slingbacks with the little white stictching detail on the front because I got to take them off early and place them lovingly back in the closet. My favorite show is Grey's Anatomy becuase it's on tonight. (last night it was Lost). What I'm trying to say here is. You will read anything I write in this blog. You are my minions. Just kidding. I just have a few free hours for the first time in a long time and I AM LOVING IT.
(&)&()&()&(^%^%^$^$^$^()(+_()_)*)(*()*()#f@$$^%^%^%^%^%^^
So I will share this story now that the ordeal is almost over. It wasn't funny before. It still isn't. But it's getting better.
I have a LARGE amount of student loans to pay back thanks to many different factors. I've been paying them regularly every month. On time. I haven't missed a beat. The money is automatically deducted out of my checking account on the same day every month so that I don't have to worry about payments being late. Or so I thought.
A few weeks ago I noticed that the payment had not been deducted. I immediately called the company, thinking they'd tell me it was a computer glitch or some other simply solved problem. My oh my, how wrong I was. Evidently, the payment wasn't deducted and they "Couldn't find" my auto-debit account number. WTF? It's been over 6 months. Where did it go all of a sudden? I calmly asked what I could do to remedy the situation so that there wouldn't be a late payment on my account or worse. I was promptly disconnected. Hmm...odd....I thought. I quickly re-dialed and giggled with the operator about how silly phones can be sometimes. I was re-connected and was now speaking with a different Customer Service "Specialist" (in what I'm still not sure) After a lengthy explanation of what had happened they assured me I could pay them over the phone (for a small fee) or send in a check (which would take 7-10 business days to process thus incurring a late payment fee) Hmmm...odd....I thought again. Ok. I asked to pay over the phone and if they would waive the fee. I was disconnected.
I'm going to hurt someone.
I re-dial.
I re-explain.
I am now told I cannot pay over the phone. I must mail a check in and they won't charge late fees. A note will be made in my account. Sure. Whatever. Great.
I mail the check.
They lose the check.
It was never cashed.
I call (I'm now over 4 weeks "late")
They tell me they can take a payment over the phone. Fee? What fee? They don't charge fees for that. That girl was new. She doesn't know what she's talking about.
Paid.
Done.
Right?
No.
They not only cash the check and take the payment by phone, they also help themselves to an extra $150 taken directly from my bank account. Without my permission.
They charge late fees.
Lovely.
7 phone calls, and 4 days later it's almost fixed.
I think.
#%$%$^%$^$^$^$^$^$^$^#$%^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^
Our dog has decided that it is appropriate behavior to mark every bush, tree, plant, electrical box and other dog that he passes. His little back leg lifts constantly. No bush is safe. No leaf goes un-wet. Watch out caterpillars! Here comes Cam!
(Currently he is attempting to bury his bone in our leather sofa. Pardon me if I don't applaud his excellent instinctual food-hoarding habits. Our leather isn't hungry)
&(&)&*)&)(&)&)(&)&)(&)&)&)&)&)(&(&*%^%$^$^$^$%^$%^%
I remember one time in college:
Katie and I were hanging out in her apartment in U.V. watching Cruel Intentions and eating ridiculous amounts of artery-clogging foods when suddenly I noticed that Katie's attention was fixated completely on a specific character in said movie. That character being...a HORSE.
"Tiff, don't you love how meaty and juicy their legs are. " I was, at that point, horrified. The expression on her face was seduction. She wanted that horse. She thought that horse was a hottie. A...Hot...Horse...for...Katie. Porn potential. For sure.
$^$^%^#%#$%@$!#$@%^$^$^#%^@$!#!$#^%$^$^#%@%@$
I have a lot of favorites. I say things are my favorite all the time. It's not always totally accurate because my favorites change depending on my mood. For instance, my favorite food today is chocolate chip cookies because I just made 32 and they are sitting on the kitchen counter taunting me. My favorite shoes today are my black, suede slingbacks with the little white stictching detail on the front because I got to take them off early and place them lovingly back in the closet. My favorite show is Grey's Anatomy becuase it's on tonight. (last night it was Lost). What I'm trying to say here is. You will read anything I write in this blog. You are my minions. Just kidding. I just have a few free hours for the first time in a long time and I AM LOVING IT.
(&)&()&()&(^%^%^$^$^$^()(+_()_)*)(*()*()#f@$$^%^%^%^%^%^^
So I will share this story now that the ordeal is almost over. It wasn't funny before. It still isn't. But it's getting better.
I have a LARGE amount of student loans to pay back thanks to many different factors. I've been paying them regularly every month. On time. I haven't missed a beat. The money is automatically deducted out of my checking account on the same day every month so that I don't have to worry about payments being late. Or so I thought.
A few weeks ago I noticed that the payment had not been deducted. I immediately called the company, thinking they'd tell me it was a computer glitch or some other simply solved problem. My oh my, how wrong I was. Evidently, the payment wasn't deducted and they "Couldn't find" my auto-debit account number. WTF? It's been over 6 months. Where did it go all of a sudden? I calmly asked what I could do to remedy the situation so that there wouldn't be a late payment on my account or worse. I was promptly disconnected. Hmm...odd....I thought. I quickly re-dialed and giggled with the operator about how silly phones can be sometimes. I was re-connected and was now speaking with a different Customer Service "Specialist" (in what I'm still not sure) After a lengthy explanation of what had happened they assured me I could pay them over the phone (for a small fee) or send in a check (which would take 7-10 business days to process thus incurring a late payment fee) Hmmm...odd....I thought again. Ok. I asked to pay over the phone and if they would waive the fee. I was disconnected.
I'm going to hurt someone.
I re-dial.
I re-explain.
I am now told I cannot pay over the phone. I must mail a check in and they won't charge late fees. A note will be made in my account. Sure. Whatever. Great.
I mail the check.
They lose the check.
It was never cashed.
I call (I'm now over 4 weeks "late")
They tell me they can take a payment over the phone. Fee? What fee? They don't charge fees for that. That girl was new. She doesn't know what she's talking about.
Paid.
Done.
Right?
No.
They not only cash the check and take the payment by phone, they also help themselves to an extra $150 taken directly from my bank account. Without my permission.
They charge late fees.
Lovely.
7 phone calls, and 4 days later it's almost fixed.
I think.