My baby only wants me to hold her!

[darkalice13]

 I am new mom to an 11week old daughter. Since she has been born I have pretty much carried her (in my arms or a sling carrier) most of the time. I also had not planned to co-sleep but it has been what felt right since she came home from the hospital. Recently she wants nothing to do with anyone but myself. Family comes over and wants to hold her

Comments

[amberskyfire]

You are exactly right. What might help your family and her father is to know that your daughter is also exactly right - naturally speaking.

Babies are born with many natural instincts. These instincts are very powerful and are designed for the baby's survival. In modern society, it's okay for the dad or other people to hold the baby, but the baby does not know that. The baby is programmed by millions of years of evolution to cry for its mother when someone other than the mother takes her. Obviously this instinct isn't as useful today as it was five thousand years ago, but babies don't know that and there is no reasoning with them.

In fact, letting your baby cry for any length of time while someone else tries to soothe her may even cause her to develop a negative association with that person. It's best to take your baby right away before she can work herself up at all. She's expressing her distress (literally true terror for her life) and you are so so right to want to take her right back.

Most babies go through a stage like this for a while, especially when they are newborn. She may not adore her father now, but there may be a time when she prefers him over you. It's all about what she needs at a certain point in time and right now, she's saying that what she needs is you.

Your family may want to hold her when she cries, but it may be that it's not good for anyone. It terrifies the baby and causes her huge amounts of stress, it stresses you out, obviously (and hearing your baby cry can cause your maternal instincts to turn off which isn't good), plus it stresses out the person holding the baby. They may want to hold her, but who can really enjoy holding a baby that is obviously in distress and totally freaked out by them?

Pretty soon she will LOVE going to other family members and they will forget all about how she cried when she was little. If you want others to be able to get close to her at this age, it's a good idea to let them hold her often, but take her back right away when she's in distress and then you can sit somewhere with her with that person while she is calm. I used to hold my daughter in my arms while snuggling with my husband. That way, he could hold both of us and she would not cry. Family members can sit next to you and stroke her hair or hold her hands while you comfort her if you're okay with that.