Separation anxiety-induced porn, averted.
Dear Fandom,
I have a confession to make.
When my parents had announced last weekend that they were considering taking my HP mini with them on their Holy Land pilgrimage (+ side-trip to Egypt), I panicked. After finishing transferring all my files into an external HD last Monday, I was still panicking. By the time last Tuesday, their day of departure, had dawned, I had been up all night doing some internet research for their trip and panicking in turns. So much so that I had to calm myself by, I am ashamed to admit, thinking of Sherlock convincing John to play dress up as training...for exciting and sexy situations...that could hypothetically come up while on a case. *coughs* (I've spent enough time in costume for academic purposes and yet I'm still enough of a prude to think of such things as kinky. Um, yeah, for real.)
It was then that I had resolved that I would give my imminent 2-week separation from my laptop a proper sendoff by writing down for the first time a proper smut fic. Featuring the first-ever consistent porny plot inspiration rolling around my head: John Watson in Army uniform.
Now, as the celibate Catholic that I am, this is something that makes me feel very guilty. I've had dreams where people have sex, but either they are incidental to the dream's plot, or they're bits of fangirl wish fulfillment that gives me giggles instead of hormonal reactions. I frequently have unchaste intentions to all of my crushes, and even some actors, but I know with full confidence that I won't ever act on them in all seriousness. Especially since my strongest fangirl sentiments are directed towards fictional people. I understand lust in an academic sense, which is the only reason why I don't feel guilty for regularly reading about sex in fanfic, but all my sexual fantasies are based on fiction, and they don't go beyond that apart from my talking about it with my friends.
Having a consistent porny plot floating around my head is something that's never happened to me before. I can obsess about fic ideas all I want, but my conscience is up in arms when I started obsessing over a porny one. This is terribly embarrassing for me, and I know it's pretty much laughable since it's not so bad of a kink, but the regularity of which my idle thinking would focus on the idea of Sherlock having sex with a uniformed John is alarming. Especially if it started happening at work. Or while driving. Or eating.
Which had brought me to the thought of just writing the damn fic in order to exorcise it from plaguing my mind and finally bring me relief.
I had been really prepared to keyboard-mash that fic into reality that day. But the world is denied the existence of my one and only porny fic, because the universe happened to have been listening to my conscience and said, "AHAHAHA, NO."
My parents had ended up deciding against bringing another piece of technology that they'd have to worry about (namely the SLR camera and their cellphones), and will limit themselves to international phone calls. Teleconferencing is not conducive during days of continuous guided tours after all, and without any of their techno-savvy children along with them in their trip, they can't rely on their own wits to operate technology and not damage it permanently.
I was able to breathe easily and wish my parents a safe journey. I am not completely worry-free from my conscience, but at least I won't be compelled to produce NC-17 fanfic out of desperation, thank goodness.
It would greatly please me, though, if someone else would write that fic, for great justice the good of the public my vicarious enjoyment, because even just knowing it exists would make me unspeakably grateful. *makes demanding "gimme" hands*
Love,
Me
I have a confession to make.
When my parents had announced last weekend that they were considering taking my HP mini with them on their Holy Land pilgrimage (+ side-trip to Egypt), I panicked. After finishing transferring all my files into an external HD last Monday, I was still panicking. By the time last Tuesday, their day of departure, had dawned, I had been up all night doing some internet research for their trip and panicking in turns. So much so that I had to calm myself by, I am ashamed to admit, thinking of Sherlock convincing John to play dress up as training...for exciting and sexy situations...that could hypothetically come up while on a case. *coughs* (I've spent enough time in costume for academic purposes and yet I'm still enough of a prude to think of such things as kinky. Um, yeah, for real.)
It was then that I had resolved that I would give my imminent 2-week separation from my laptop a proper sendoff by writing down for the first time a proper smut fic. Featuring the first-ever consistent porny plot inspiration rolling around my head: John Watson in Army uniform.
Now, as the celibate Catholic that I am, this is something that makes me feel very guilty. I've had dreams where people have sex, but either they are incidental to the dream's plot, or they're bits of fangirl wish fulfillment that gives me giggles instead of hormonal reactions. I frequently have unchaste intentions to all of my crushes, and even some actors, but I know with full confidence that I won't ever act on them in all seriousness. Especially since my strongest fangirl sentiments are directed towards fictional people. I understand lust in an academic sense, which is the only reason why I don't feel guilty for regularly reading about sex in fanfic, but all my sexual fantasies are based on fiction, and they don't go beyond that apart from my talking about it with my friends.
Having a consistent porny plot floating around my head is something that's never happened to me before. I can obsess about fic ideas all I want, but my conscience is up in arms when I started obsessing over a porny one. This is terribly embarrassing for me, and I know it's pretty much laughable since it's not so bad of a kink, but the regularity of which my idle thinking would focus on the idea of Sherlock having sex with a uniformed John is alarming. Especially if it started happening at work. Or while driving. Or eating.
Which had brought me to the thought of just writing the damn fic in order to exorcise it from plaguing my mind and finally bring me relief.
I had been really prepared to keyboard-mash that fic into reality that day. But the world is denied the existence of my one and only porny fic, because the universe happened to have been listening to my conscience and said, "AHAHAHA, NO."
My parents had ended up deciding against bringing another piece of technology that they'd have to worry about (namely the SLR camera and their cellphones), and will limit themselves to international phone calls. Teleconferencing is not conducive during days of continuous guided tours after all, and without any of their techno-savvy children along with them in their trip, they can't rely on their own wits to operate technology and not damage it permanently.
I was able to breathe easily and wish my parents a safe journey. I am not completely worry-free from my conscience, but at least I won't be compelled to produce NC-17 fanfic out of desperation, thank goodness.
It would greatly please me, though, if someone else would write that fic, for great justice the good of the public my vicarious enjoyment, because even just knowing it exists would make me unspeakably grateful. *makes demanding "gimme" hands*
Love,
Me