a new first...

[atrugambit]

i clawed at myself today..
dug my nails deep into my skin, and pulled.
with it, bits of flesh came under my nails.
crimson bands began to appear,
and run down from tiny fissures across my skin..

i looked down,a cross my chest, and stared blankly.
it was bizzare..
watching as a small bit of my mortality ran down my form.
and despite my mental and emotional state,
i am alive.

i hurt, and i breath.
i smile and i laugh
( well.. i used to. it's been a while scince i've been sincere about it)
i heal, and i bleed.

despite my present state,
despite the efforts of others,
despite the losses and setbacks,

i am alive.

I'm not sure if i'm pleased or dissappointed with this realization..