Courage the Cowardly Dog Named Jessi
So here i sit, being unsociable as per capita. Babe is in the other room entertaining his buddies and showing off the new NIN, "With Teeth". Lol, he spent along time trying to find the full cd on limewire (it has not been released) last night, it was very cute and i like the determined look on his face as well. However, i feel kinda bad currently because i am not in there hanging out... i'm am just simply lousy at it. Why play when you can't keep up? Eh, well, who knows i might muster up enough courage to go in there and chat, but it will take some major doing on my part... i have no idea what in the hell to say or even if i should say anything at all.
*Sigh* I need to get over that, his pals are important to him... i can tell, and i think i must come off as a real bitch by not making an effort. I just hope babe doesn't think that; i want so very much to be someone who is his speed but what happens if i am not? He means a whole hell of a lot to me, more than that actually, even the world is never enough to qoute James Bond. I just wish i was different, empressive, interesting, all the things that i lack. It's amazing what love will do to you; it will make you want to leap off mountains to brave the most turbulant of seas and all "just because". Still though, somethings are hard, harder than i dare say and being sociable is something that defies all reality for me. I want so very much to be better, to be... oh i dunno... just something that i am not. Basically now that i think on it, i want to be what he wants... i hope i am, hell i actually think i am, but who's for certain? I know that sounds rather dark of me, and i don't mean it as it sounds, hell i don't exactly know what i mean really. Why do i even bother to post, this journal is like my own personal wasteland of things that are irrelevant. All i basically want to say, with my own personal bad phrasing as always, is that i love my Troy and i wish i was in there with him right now at his side, talking of music and various other shit to his friends, but i just don't know how to go about doing so... it is beyond my power.
"Everything that makes one happy,
also makes them equally unsure."
-anonymous
*Sigh* I need to get over that, his pals are important to him... i can tell, and i think i must come off as a real bitch by not making an effort. I just hope babe doesn't think that; i want so very much to be someone who is his speed but what happens if i am not? He means a whole hell of a lot to me, more than that actually, even the world is never enough to qoute James Bond. I just wish i was different, empressive, interesting, all the things that i lack. It's amazing what love will do to you; it will make you want to leap off mountains to brave the most turbulant of seas and all "just because". Still though, somethings are hard, harder than i dare say and being sociable is something that defies all reality for me. I want so very much to be better, to be... oh i dunno... just something that i am not. Basically now that i think on it, i want to be what he wants... i hope i am, hell i actually think i am, but who's for certain? I know that sounds rather dark of me, and i don't mean it as it sounds, hell i don't exactly know what i mean really. Why do i even bother to post, this journal is like my own personal wasteland of things that are irrelevant. All i basically want to say, with my own personal bad phrasing as always, is that i love my Troy and i wish i was in there with him right now at his side, talking of music and various other shit to his friends, but i just don't know how to go about doing so... it is beyond my power.
"Everything that makes one happy,
also makes them equally unsure."
-anonymous