(no subject)
out of the blue, i remembered a family party from my childhood. i could visualize everything. i could smell the food, and hear the chatter from the other room. i remember sitting next to my grandmother on a small bench. i rested my hand on top of hers as she turned to me and smiled. the kind of smile that says love. i looked at the thin skin of her hand and thought about how much i would miss her when she would no longer be there.
she was the kind of person that was always around. i come from a large family, yet she made each person feel like they were her favorite. i try not to think of her, of how much i miss her, of how much my father must miss his own mother. i try not to think of her. she lived in the room right next to mine, but i didn't try hard enough. i never showed my appreciation. when she creeps into my thoughts, i lose my breath and my eyes fill with tears. i wish i could talk to her just once more. or even just sit beside her for a brief moment, on the small bench she sat on at every family gathering. she would just sit there and watch everyone with a small smile on her face. she seemed so content. i wish i could be like that someday. to just be happy and proud. i get so angry, and so frustrated. i see the world as an awful, horrible, unjust place. but my grandmother always saw good in the world, and in people. i wish i could be like her, especially now.
she was the kind of person that was always around. i come from a large family, yet she made each person feel like they were her favorite. i try not to think of her, of how much i miss her, of how much my father must miss his own mother. i try not to think of her. she lived in the room right next to mine, but i didn't try hard enough. i never showed my appreciation. when she creeps into my thoughts, i lose my breath and my eyes fill with tears. i wish i could talk to her just once more. or even just sit beside her for a brief moment, on the small bench she sat on at every family gathering. she would just sit there and watch everyone with a small smile on her face. she seemed so content. i wish i could be like that someday. to just be happy and proud. i get so angry, and so frustrated. i see the world as an awful, horrible, unjust place. but my grandmother always saw good in the world, and in people. i wish i could be like her, especially now.