...........why?..........
My heart feels like its been ripped out, and theres a rotting black hole where it was, sucking every ounce of happiness I managed to cling on to out of my body. Tonya's brother came over to cheer me up, and all that did was make it worse....he likes me, as do many other people, but I dont want any of them...I want Chris......and I just keep boucning back and forth between "it'll work out and youll be back together relatively soon","itll work out, but itll work out when you move, or a good while (we're talkin months) from now", or "it will never work out, you fucked yourself out of your soulmate, go shoot yourself"..........and he's already with someone else.....i just now looked at his myspace.....thats lovely....so much for trying to make things work out, and not giving up........what the hell am i gonna do? God, I just want to not exist right now.....i dont even want to go down there now.....oh my fucking God.......I thought he loved me.....that he would try and see if maybe the visit would help or at least take awhile to get over a relationship he supposedly cared so much about........omg...........I thought you loved me.......I guess not.....what about the other night? after you watched the video? "I love you baby,I wish I could be there for you and be better for you" was it all a fucking lie?