A praise chorus for a wishful thinker
Well, it's been a while since I updated. No one reads this thing anyway. I haven't vented to anyone in awhile, so might as well do it here.
I know I'm gonna sound like the biggest biatch every, but I feel really lonely. It's been a year and seven months since my mom/ best friend died, a year and five months since Sophie left me, and a year and six months since me and my dad parted ways. I have only a handful of friends. My little security circle, I guess. But, they have there things. Joe and Sedi, well they're married witha kid, nuff said. Mike has his school work and his girl, George is doing his thing in school work and his division of friends, Fred has Casey now, so I'm only around on band practice, or occasional third wheel trips. My other friends just live across the country, so that doesn't work. I used to say it alot when I was younger and just dramatic about everything. But I really feel like I have nothing.
I wake up at 5 am to stomping and recited lines to me being worthless by some asshole who has a roof over his head cause my mom died. I get scorn looks when I step out of my house. A gay man harrasses me everyday with e-mails and threats. After scrounding around for change I gather enough sometimes to go to school and get back. The frig is always empty, I have all the condements no food. My laundry is backed up, cause when I use it I have to listen on how ungrateful I am for weeks. The house is always cold, cause the guy doesn't want to pay for heat. Taking a shower is murder cause the water pressure is low, again, cause the guy wants to save money. And worse of all, I'm just stuck in a house where the person wouldn't care less on what I do.
At work, everyone thinks I'm an idiot. My friends joke one me and wonder why sometimes I don't wan't to smile.
I go to a class with people I'd like to know, but they don't feel the same.
I meet girls that enjoy taking me for a ride and just forget who I am the next day.
When I'm with my friends, I get left high and dry when the girl comes along. (I'm happy for them but....come on.)
I just want to be somewhere, where I walk in and someone smiles cause they like me there.
It would be nice to have someone call me to play a game of hockey or just relax and drink a beer or just to talk.
I want to walk into a warm house with the smell of food and conversation.
I want to compare noted on life and ideas.
I want to not worry about how am I going to pay something off, or if I'll have
enough food for the week. I want to have a good story to tell to a good friend and have a good time.
I want a girlfriend, I guess. Not so much for all the sexual stuff..that's cool too.
But just to know that when I'm down, someone still has faith in me. And will invest there time to make sure I know it. And I want to feel that wa about someone.
I don't want to feel scared, and cold. Worried about who will die next and try not to stay close.
I want to just enjoy things how they are and know that someday it'll be gone. But I have it today and I'm gonna take it for what it's worth.
I know I'm a dork but
I don't want to be alone.
I want some company.
I know I'm gonna sound like the biggest biatch every, but I feel really lonely. It's been a year and seven months since my mom/ best friend died, a year and five months since Sophie left me, and a year and six months since me and my dad parted ways. I have only a handful of friends. My little security circle, I guess. But, they have there things. Joe and Sedi, well they're married witha kid, nuff said. Mike has his school work and his girl, George is doing his thing in school work and his division of friends, Fred has Casey now, so I'm only around on band practice, or occasional third wheel trips. My other friends just live across the country, so that doesn't work. I used to say it alot when I was younger and just dramatic about everything. But I really feel like I have nothing.
I wake up at 5 am to stomping and recited lines to me being worthless by some asshole who has a roof over his head cause my mom died. I get scorn looks when I step out of my house. A gay man harrasses me everyday with e-mails and threats. After scrounding around for change I gather enough sometimes to go to school and get back. The frig is always empty, I have all the condements no food. My laundry is backed up, cause when I use it I have to listen on how ungrateful I am for weeks. The house is always cold, cause the guy doesn't want to pay for heat. Taking a shower is murder cause the water pressure is low, again, cause the guy wants to save money. And worse of all, I'm just stuck in a house where the person wouldn't care less on what I do.
At work, everyone thinks I'm an idiot. My friends joke one me and wonder why sometimes I don't wan't to smile.
I go to a class with people I'd like to know, but they don't feel the same.
I meet girls that enjoy taking me for a ride and just forget who I am the next day.
When I'm with my friends, I get left high and dry when the girl comes along. (I'm happy for them but....come on.)
I just want to be somewhere, where I walk in and someone smiles cause they like me there.
It would be nice to have someone call me to play a game of hockey or just relax and drink a beer or just to talk.
I want to walk into a warm house with the smell of food and conversation.
I want to compare noted on life and ideas.
I want to not worry about how am I going to pay something off, or if I'll have
enough food for the week. I want to have a good story to tell to a good friend and have a good time.
I want a girlfriend, I guess. Not so much for all the sexual stuff..that's cool too.
But just to know that when I'm down, someone still has faith in me. And will invest there time to make sure I know it. And I want to feel that wa about someone.
I don't want to feel scared, and cold. Worried about who will die next and try not to stay close.
I want to just enjoy things how they are and know that someday it'll be gone. But I have it today and I'm gonna take it for what it's worth.
I know I'm a dork but
I don't want to be alone.
I want some company.