"...And i am finally seeing why i was the one worth leaving"
I can't turn it off. These thoughts thunder through my head like Nordic warriors. My only refuge: to turn my heart off and recede back into the darkness.
So safe here in the darkness.
Something is missing. An inventory is taken while huddling, damaged and alone amidst the sanctuary of hopelessness and sorrow. The feeling of safety is disturbingly calming.
Something is missing. A search is conducted while calling out aimlessly for whatever--or whomever--is missing. Still, beneath the haze of liqueur and whiskey consumed in a lightless room, I hear a voice whisper in the distance. But I can't go to her now. I have to muster enough rage to hate myself.
(Tears break free.)
I can hear her soft voice trying to beckon me in from the cold, but I won't succumb. She doesn't understand that I belong here. She doesn't understand that this is my destiny. This gnawing sorrow and thirstless rage are mine to defend and are mine to be buried beneath.
I can still hear her, so white and patient. She must know by now that I am a pageant of pathetic weakness and a statue of worthlessness. I fear that I may be sobering and that emptiness needs remedy.
If I returned inside perhaps I could huddle next to her and she could sweep the demons from my ear.
There's a screaming of wordless muttering inside of me. It won't let go! I don't know what's happening and I can't make it stop! I can't make it stop...I CAN'T make it stop! My heart has seemingly plummeted from my chest and crashed down upon the rocky cliffs below. Where these tears have arrived from they brazenly will not return to.
I'm growing weaker; believing more lies sewn from jealousy and fear.
(One more shot and maybe the numbness will return to lay claim over this wretched mind.)
My heart, dry and without anesthesia, mumbles quietly in the corner. It calls out Her name. If she could hear me she could simply tell me that everything is going to be okay. Perhaps she has seem the end of the light and her words suggested clairvoyance. Or worse: maybe she sees the sliver of light as the sun becomes sucked down by the tide of darkness fell as the night reclaims its rightful place over me.
The tears have stopped, though my recent placement of smiles upon my face is absent. What has happened to me?
For now, I am at risk of losing conciousness...I can feel...feel...nothing...nothing can I...feel.
(I can still hear her call. Its an illusion. She's fast asleep.)
I look out the window into the bleak reflection. I see my face surrounded by darkness and a dim light.
I'm going to bed with a head aching from fear and fury. I'm going to bed before the tears return.
I'll listen for her to call out my name in the darkness...
So safe here in the darkness.
Something is missing. An inventory is taken while huddling, damaged and alone amidst the sanctuary of hopelessness and sorrow. The feeling of safety is disturbingly calming.
Something is missing. A search is conducted while calling out aimlessly for whatever--or whomever--is missing. Still, beneath the haze of liqueur and whiskey consumed in a lightless room, I hear a voice whisper in the distance. But I can't go to her now. I have to muster enough rage to hate myself.
(Tears break free.)
I can hear her soft voice trying to beckon me in from the cold, but I won't succumb. She doesn't understand that I belong here. She doesn't understand that this is my destiny. This gnawing sorrow and thirstless rage are mine to defend and are mine to be buried beneath.
I can still hear her, so white and patient. She must know by now that I am a pageant of pathetic weakness and a statue of worthlessness. I fear that I may be sobering and that emptiness needs remedy.
If I returned inside perhaps I could huddle next to her and she could sweep the demons from my ear.
There's a screaming of wordless muttering inside of me. It won't let go! I don't know what's happening and I can't make it stop! I can't make it stop...I CAN'T make it stop! My heart has seemingly plummeted from my chest and crashed down upon the rocky cliffs below. Where these tears have arrived from they brazenly will not return to.
I'm growing weaker; believing more lies sewn from jealousy and fear.
(One more shot and maybe the numbness will return to lay claim over this wretched mind.)
My heart, dry and without anesthesia, mumbles quietly in the corner. It calls out Her name. If she could hear me she could simply tell me that everything is going to be okay. Perhaps she has seem the end of the light and her words suggested clairvoyance. Or worse: maybe she sees the sliver of light as the sun becomes sucked down by the tide of darkness fell as the night reclaims its rightful place over me.
The tears have stopped, though my recent placement of smiles upon my face is absent. What has happened to me?
For now, I am at risk of losing conciousness...I can feel...feel...nothing...nothing can I...feel.
(I can still hear her call. Its an illusion. She's fast asleep.)
I look out the window into the bleak reflection. I see my face surrounded by darkness and a dim light.
I'm going to bed with a head aching from fear and fury. I'm going to bed before the tears return.
I'll listen for her to call out my name in the darkness...