Men's rights matter - a rant I posted on tumblr that I'm also gonna post here
(TW: abuse, rape, assault, mental illness, mental health)
Men’s rights matter.
Why? Because men are human beings, too. Men are victims of the patriarchy, too.
Oh, absolutely: men benefit from the patriarchy more than women, in quite a number of ways. But men experience the dark and insidious sides of the patriarchy, too. The patriarchy as a systemic institution in society erases men’s rights to speak up about their struggles with abuse, with mental illness, with rape, with grief, with dealing with emotions. These are important fucking issues. They do not only apply to women.
I’m so sick of this culture that’s developed on tumblr amongst the more extreme feminists where the perpetuated idea is that men, and men’s issues, don’t matter. That men’s rights are a joke. That misandry is something acceptable to scream and shout at a man whether he’s presenting himself to be understanding of feminism or not.
Feminism is not about men vs. women. It’s about fighting against and breaking down the patriarchy that we are all victims of. It’s about fighting for equality for both women and men.
I understand only too well why there are many women out there who are angry at men. If you are like me and are a victim of abuse, rape or assault that was at the hands of men, anger towards men is more than understandable. I was angry at men for years because of the amount of abuse and assault males have subjected me to. It's an anger I'm still trying to work through. (My history of abuse was also at the hands of women - I experienced abuse from both sides, and I know I'm hardly the first person to have experienced abuse and assault from both men and women.)
Let’s not forget, however, that men are victims of the same crimes. Every day, men are raped, men are assaulted, men are abused, men are violated, at the hands of other men, and also at the hands of women. Boys are raised by abusive mothers as much as girls are raised by abusive fathers. Many men out there are victims of domestic abuse and violence just as there are many women out there who are victims of the same.
And just the same, men suffer many forms of mental illness just as women do We just do not hear about it anywhere near as much because the patriarchy doesn’t allow men to have a voice about their own abuse or about their own mental health. The insidiousness of the patriarchy that seems to otherwise work in favour of men in many aspects actually cripples men when it comes to men being able to speak out about their mental health and their abuse. There is no space at all for men to talk openly about these issues.
Feminism is about standing up against crimes committed towards women, but it should also be about standing up for the men who are victims of the same types of crimes.
Feminism is about giving a voice for women to speak out about mental health, depression, suicide, grief, loss and general wellbeing, but it should not erase and dismiss the wellbeing of men and the struggles they face.
Feminism is about creating a safe space for women to speak up about the injustice that they face, but it should not dismiss the importance of men being allowed to be part of the dialogue. If men are refused to be part of the dialogue and are shut down simply because they’re men, how can one ever hope for men to begin to understand the importance of dismantling the patriarchy? How can one ever hope for men to understand why they, too, need feminism and why they, too, need to be freed from the damaging clutches of systemic patriarchy?
Feminism is about being angry towards systemic prejudice and systemic injustice. Feminism should not be about dismissing the welfare of others - women and men alike, be they cisgendered, gender variant, intersex or transgendered. Feminism should not be about fighting against men as fellow human beings. Feminism should not be about erasing the struggles that men face as human beings.
Feminism should be about setting examples of how to help one another. Feminism should be about setting examples of how to be decent to one another. Feminism is the way forward if we are to progress as a society, but many people are doing feminism a huge disservice by making it all about vitriol and second-wave feminist ideas; damaging, hate-filled ideas, that do nothing but fan the flames of anger already deeply embedded in many of us as a result of systemic patriarchy. Exacting hate against men simply because they are men does the exact opposite of everything that feminism stands for.
Feminism should be about compassion. It should be about healing. It should be about education. It should be about communication. It should be about teaching us to respect each other, whether we’re women or men. It should be about all of us building a better society together.
Women matter, absolutely. But men matter, too. Please, let’s not forget this.