(no subject)
it's actually a mind boggling task to update my blog... I've to be concise and succinct with my expressions...yet must not wonder away from the gist of my thoughts. having to manage these makes me rather sluggish...nevertheless I'll still attempt.. but as usual..I'll write informally with more expression words and without grammatical structure..
had yet another field camp... apart from the usual field camp lessons..many ludicrous happenings did take place... let me pin down on a few impactful events..
our first field camp site is home to many fireflies. I was really mesmerized by them.. there was this time we were waiting for awhile to turn the recruits out from this camp site... so we (me and my fellow instructors) just laid there in the tranquil of the night...this forested part of Tekong has well spaced out trees..hence besides the fireflies emitting their enchanting twinkles we also managed to gaze at the huge amount of stars in that exceptionally clear night sky. I spotted a few triplet sets of stars.. and as these went on I wondered again why are all of us "suffering" in such a wonderful atmosphere. Supreme irony. in fact, everytime I go outfield I have plenty of reflections and thoughts at night.
I came across 3Guards and 1Guards undergoing their training in Tekong. I saw my fellow specialists from my batch in 3Guards still camouflaging their faces, consuming combat ration and wearing helmet leading their men. They carried organic weapons with blanks and all, ready for any attack. Sigh. This is their actual army life. So BMT and SISPEC are just start-off playgrounds for them. I can never experience having my own platoon and leading my own men in the field. No doubt it appears sucky. No doubt most people are telling me how fortunate I am to be a BMTC instructor instead of a unit commander. No doubt BMTC is like a dream posting to many upon completing OCS and SISPEC training. But I still feel a certain loss that I have no chance to train as a battalion with my own men. And ended up dealing with newly enlisted guys every few months, teaching them the basics. But I'm not complaining of the life I'm leading now. Just penning down my thoughts.
This field camp was when I'm the fiercest to my recruits. I was quite a bastard throughout. Now I finally realised why the older specs always have no qualms about giving it badly to recruits. Because they're already de-sensitised. Or rather, because I'm already de-sensitised. No more feeling sorry for them. Little or zero emphathy as well. We departed our trainee period long ago, so the emphathy just died as the batches go by. I still remembered how sweet and patient I was with my first batch of recruits. That's a far cry from what I am today. I shout at them, make them re-do stuff without sparing any consideration for them. Well, bmtc needs such instructors around, so that recruits can never take their sergeants for granted. :)
On the lighter issues, I did my drill competition practice with my drill team today. Was very pleased with their performance and swiftness in learning, but some already fell out to report sick or whatsoever. It's really a chore to get replacement. Argh. This time round I feel myself winding too much to the competitive edge. I saw a few companies already started preparing. Obsessive nature, like what my recruit says, leads me to try to outshine others. It's been very long since I felt like this. It's like back in school man..
Next week's SIT test..and I'll bring the camera into the campsite..hope this batch i can capture some splendid sunset and sunrise pictures. I was thinking whether to celebrate my birthday. And now I decided not to. No point wasting my time. A day of total complete rest should suffice in reminding me I actually lived for 21 years.